Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Focusing on the outcome

Dear Life,

Monday my little is having major surgery.  So I haven't really wanted to say much.  Right now I'm trying to focus on the outcome and not what Kumaka has to go through.  Kumaka is truly such a little warrior.  So I just ask that all of you pray for him.  You can read a small blurb about him on his caring bridge.











Thank you my friends

From...A Mom of awesome Boys

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Bloggy Sisterhood

Dear Life,

I resisted being a blogger and reading blogs for years.  I did NOT want to get sucked into it.  I had heard from friends that there was so much out there that it's so challenging to not be on the computer all day.

But one day I felt prompted to write.  About whatever.  As much as I can.  Hopefully once a day.

I hope I haven't bored you all.  I'm trying to be real, and to share my journey and at the same time finding out just who I am again.

I had no idea in the meantime that I would find some amazing women that just in the short time I've been doing this that inspire me for different reasons.  Some for sharing their life journey's which are similar to mine...some for sharing their crafts that I just drool over....some for sharing their fashion....some for sharing their wit.  I am truly enjoying blogging, and for the kind words I have received lately.  I am also grateful to read over and over again by all kinds of women that I am not alone.

That my kids act up...and so do yours.
That I get discouraged...and so do you.
That I have things to work on...and so do you.
That you have dreams and aspirations and you're working on them now...not waiting for tomorrow.
Amazing women that all have a story....and share them a piece at a time.  I love this sisterhood.  Thank you for welcoming me into it.

From...A Mom of Boys

Anxiety

Dear Life,

Why oh why are you giving me anxiety at this point in my life?
Not full blown panic attack anxiety, only the you will have nightmares every night anxiety.

Kumaka is scheduled to have a very major surgery in a week.  His hip is out of socket, so his ortho has to reshape the bones, put them in place, using pins, screws etc.  His right leg is also not quite right, so he's going to check on that side too while he's in there.

It's invasive.
 It's long.
 5-6 hours.
 That's long.
 That will last all day long.
 In my head it will feel like an eternity.

There is all kinds of things I have to worry about....and apparently am.
Every night.
When I am trying to sleep.

I'm tired.
Very tired.

And my boy got a cold today.

I need to pray...a lot.  And I need lots of prayers headed my way.

From....one tired mom of boys.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Beauty

Dear Life,

Last week I went to the high school's basketball game.  It's a good thing none of my kids play on the team yet, I was so distracted at what the girls were wearing I couldn't really watch the game.

There was nothing and I mean nothing left to the imagination.

Short
Tight
Low cut


To the point of shocking....I have five boys.....and at that point I felt so bad for my boys...they have no chance. Hardly anyone dresses modestly anymore.

And then I saw the girls from my church.  I sighed a little tiny breath of relief.  Maybe there is
  hope.


Here is a sample I have found from the past of beauty covered up.......what do you guys think?



From....A very shocked mom of boys (and a little grateful that I don't have to deal with girls)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Waist Watcher Wednesday.....

Dear Life,

I went to the gym.  Here's the skinny on what happened.  Or not so skinny.

I weighed in.....304. UGH
I found out my BMI is 46%
Double UGH.
I found out that I have 137 pound of FAT on my body.....
TRIPLE UGH.

I learned some interesting things.

3 things we need to do to lose weight, and be fit and lower our BMI...and here they are in order of importance.

1.  Gain muscle.
Yes...that was first.  70 % of importance.  WOW.

2 and 3  Eat Healthy/ Aerobic exercise.

That is so different than the way I was taught years ago.  I guess the fitness industry is always changing, right?

So here is what else I learned...

Warm up for ten minutes.
Hit the weights.
THEN do cardio.
DON'T do weights daily.
DO cardio daily.


I also learned that I hate that particular gym.

I loved working out.....it felt great.  But I was so not a fan of the layout of the gym.  Up the stairs to cardio.  Down the stairs to the weight room.  The weight room which was all men except for me and two other women (who happened to be pretty ripped).  Awkward much?

So now I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get my groove on without hating where I'm at.  I'm seriously thinking of getting Kinect for Xbox 360 and getting some cool games/ work out videos and enjoying my house and my Xbox.  The ultimate Xbox workout.  Maybe I'll create my own "thing".  HA.  I know myself.  I pretty much hated that gym.  And I can't afford the personal trainer that was so helpful.  Then I won't know how to use all of the machines.  UGH.  Must think about it.

From....A tired and sore Mom of Boys!


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

What' I'm reading

Dear Life...


I love to read.  I read all kinds of things, but when things are challenging in my life I like to read easy, light, happy.  But I stumbled on this book...and I really think you all should stumble on it too.  I learned about a dark event in history that I had no idea existed...


Paris....1942....French officials rounded up over 10,000 Jews and placed them in a place called Vel' d'Hiv and eventually sending over 8,000 of these people, THEIR people, to German concentration camps, where most were killed.   These were not German soldiers rounding up Jewish families, they were French.  I had no idea.  What a very sad story it is.




The story moves seamlessly between telling a story of journalist Julia on assignment to write about the Vel' d'Hiv Roundup to 10 year old Sarah...who was woken up by French police along with her family and rudely rounded up with their Jewish neighbors.  


I cried, and I could not put this book down.  And then I went to the internet to learn more.


That to me is a successful book.  The only part that I didn't like was....when it ended.






What are you reading?


From...A Mom of Boys!!!!

Monday, January 23, 2012

A boy becomes a Man

Dear Life,

This is a big year for my oldest boy.
He's a senior in high school.
He's moving to Hawaii to go to college.
And he's recently become an Eagle Scout with the Boy Scouts of America.

He has been a Boy Scout for 6 years.  Over that time, he has camped many hours, served many hours of community service, and worked hard to earn over 25 merit badges.







He worked on an amazing Eagle Scout project; he made a wooden easel and art supply cabinet and collected art items for the Ronald McDonald House in Orange, California.

                                                                                               

























He had to serve in leadership positions within the troop for 6 months, and finally had to have a board of review with three members of the Boy Scout Council.  It was not easy.  He's a very shy young man, and he has a  bit of anxiety.  It's a challenge for him to make phone calls because he gets flustered when he doesn't feel like he knows the answers to questions.  (Usually he doesn't think to listen to the question...he blurts out "I don't know" before he figures out he might know the answer).  He had so much anxiety about having to call the person in charge of advancements to schedule his board of review he told me he wasn't going to finish.  All he had to do was have the interview.  I hounded him, we argued, and for 5 months we went back and forth with it.  Even the day of his board of review, he wanted to go back home and just forget it.  He was very nervous, but he went in there and did his best.  We were not in there with him, one of his leaders went in with him to introduce him, and then he came out and waited with us.  Keoni came out an Eagle Scout.  We are very proud of him.  His court of honor was a week ago, and I was very touched by a story told by that very leader.



 He told him that one of the Scout Council members pulled him aside afterwards, and said that Keoni really impressed him.  He said that he has seen a lot of boys and he really felt that Keoni embodied what a scout is.  I was shocked to hear this, especially after the challenge we had to get him to finish.  Mal also told us that as he was introducing Keoni, Keoni interrupted him, put out his hand and introduced himself.
Keoni ducked his head when Mal was telling this, probably thinking that he did something wrong.  I don't think he understood that Mal was letting everyone  know that Keoni is turning into a man....and he is learning to handle himself well.  That was an amazing moment for me...I knew how hard it was for him.  I am so proud of him.  It was amazing to see how many people came to see our son achieve the highest honor in scouting.  The people there all really care about him and his family.  There was no one there that felt like they had to be there..except maybe the Mayor...and I think Keoni was touched by the outpouring of love.  I know I was.  Keoni is the very first Eagle Scout in our whole family.....and I hope he is not the last.


 I know he is becoming an example to the other boys in his troop...and I hope they know how very very special this honor is.
























These men have helped my son become a man..and I am so grateful!






 From...A Proud Mom of Boys!







Friday, January 20, 2012

From a Fellow Mom

I have a guest post from a dear friend of mine.  Shari has become a great friend...and her blog post today touched me so much so that I knew I had to share it.  Let me introduce her:


Shari is an amazing mommy to four amazing boys:



She is a wife to an awesome guy:

She is an amazing photographer:



(That's my kiddo...but she's in the window.....it's very hard to find pictures of this woman cause she's 

ALWAYS behind the camera)



I have no lid upon my head, but if I did...


Lately I've been reflecting over the past 2+ years since we made the decision to move to a more affordable/budget friendly home-I mean APARTMENT.
I knew that we were doing the right thing...the ONLY thing that would help us SURVIVE financially.  And as much as I don't like to admit it, it has a been a sacrifice, and a struggle.

I know now, looking back, that I was depressed...even though deep down, I KNEW that we made the right choice to move.

Evidence of my depression:

I stopped planning/cooking meals for my family.  We started eating fast food almost every day.

I stopped exercising, and quickly (within 3 months) gained about 30 pounds.

I was struggling with how to handle Jakob's issues with ADHD/Anxiety/Depression.  I felt completely hopeless as a mother...I didn't know how to help my baby.  (This had been going on for a few years...but came to a head when we moved...due to NEW school; NEW situation riding a bus, NEW situation being gone from 7:30-2:15 every day, etc. etc. -the poor kid was having a really REEEAAALLLYYY hard time, and so was I.)

Even though we were saving money on rent, we were still barely scraping by...I was embarrassed and ashamed of our situation.

Because we lived in (and I'm being frank here) an OLD, RUN-DOWN, UGLY apartment, I didn't want anyone to come over..and didn't care if it was a mess or not.

I continued to struggle with my photography business...insecurity isn't good for business...and wasn't helping me progress as a photographer at all.  I felt like everyone around me ( in the photog biz) was succeeding and I was just a fumbling, floundering mess...I felt like a failure not being about to help out financially...

The list could go on...but the point of this post isn't to make you feel sorry for me or whatever, it's just to show you where I've been and what I've been through and how I've grown, and changed.




Here's what I've learned through it all:

Prayer can give you hope.


I am SO blessed with an amazing husband who LOVES me and our babies dearly...and he is my partner in all of this.  Fat and flabby, messy house, crazy emotions, happy days, bad days, laughing till we cry, crying till we laugh, etc.  I am so grateful I have him.  I know I COULD do it alone (thank you Gillian for pointing that out!) but I am SO thankful I don't have to..


I am so blessed to have 4 beautiful boys...who are so sweet and adorable and who are such good boys...I see the future in them...I am in awe that Heavenly Father would allow ME to be their mother.  They amaze me with their wit and ability to love and forgive me for my weaknesses.  They are my treasures.


I have learned that I DID care what people though about me...where I lived..what kind of clothes I wore...if I had a nice house...and once I realized that, I hated myself for it.  I realized that I needed to learn from this humbling experience...and let go of pride.

I learned that Heavenly Father loves me and puts me in places where I am surrounded by people who will love me no matter what.  I was given a calling to be the 2nd Counselor in the RS Presidency a few months after we moved in, and as overwhelming as that was at times, I am truly thankful for the opportunity it gave me to learn who everyone was, and to serve them.  Otherwise, it would have been very easy for me to retreat in my home and hide away from everyone.  It forced me to make new friends.

About 7 months after we moved, there was a  unique situation where my sister and 3 of her kids ended up staying with us (in my TINY 2 bedroom apartment) for almost a week.  I have a very vivid memory of a conversation we had, where she told me that I was in "survival mode".  I will never forget that...it was like the first of many wake-up calls.  Yes, I was taking care of a bunch of little boys...but I was only doing the basics.  She was right, I was just surviving...doing enough to just get by.


I've gone back to that conversation many times over the past 2 years, and am happy to say that now, I am not just surviving, I am starting to THRIVE.


So, my word for this year, is THRIVE.  To me, that means I am making the decision to be happy with where I am...and to be happy with who I am...and to be happy with my children and my husband.  I want to enjoy this crazy life and stop feeling sorry for myself.  I want to pursue my goals and my dreams...even if that means I fail along the way.  I want to provide happy memories for my family by making meal time top priority, by making sure they are taken care of and feel loved 100% of the time.

I am ready to THRIVE.
Are you?

Thrive


1   : to grow vigorously : flourish

2
: to gain in wealth or possessions : prosper
3
: to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances —often used with on <thrives on conflict>



From...A Fellow Mom

You can find Shari on her personal blog here:

http://shortbutsweetlife.blogspot.com

And her AMAZING photography here:

http://sharihanson-photography.blogspot.com/











Thursday, January 19, 2012

Kindness

Dear Life,

We've all heard that our challenges in life are to teach us something right?  Patience, forgiveness, etc.  While both of those are something I need to work on, I've discovered recently that I need to focus at least right now on kindness.

Kind: of a good or benevolent nature or dispositionas a person: kind and loving person.


I bet you're wondering where this came from.  If you know me, you know I can be a kind and loving person.  


I do my very best to be kind.  But at this moment in time I mean a little something different.   


When I found out about Kumaka's disability, I was 19 weeks pregnant.  It was devastating to


 say the least.  I turned inward, and I will admit I was angry.  Very angry.  Not at God.  Not 


at my baby.  I was angry at all the other mother's who were pregnant with healthy babies.


  Isn't that ridiculous?  I wasn't just a little angry, I was a lot angry.  I thought these mothers


 were so silly for saying when asked if they wanted a boy or a girl  "As long as the baby is 


healthy".  Hmmmmm.....what happens if that isn't the case I wanted to ask them?  I never 


did, though.  I steered clear of the healthy, head in the clouds, mommies 


to be and stayed in my little dark cloud of doom and scariness.  




I wish I could say that attitude of mine has gone away completely.  It has to some degree as 


I have come to terms with the fact that everyone has challenges; not everyone has health 


challenges;  not everyone has financial challenges; not everyone has marriage challenges.  I 


have learned to understand that everyone is not going to understand my life, my child, my


 battles.  But I need to be KIND nevertheless.  I cannot force people to understand our 


life, and I cannot force people to see my son for what he is.  I can only be the best person 


I can be.  I can have love and compassion and kindness for others.  I can


 have empathy for others trials even if I think they are trivial or small.  I can understand 


that although it is my job to fight for my son it is not my job to fight everyone.  I need to 


discover the art of fighting only when necessary.  I've had to do some serious fighting and


 Kumaka is only five...and I think I have gotten a little hardened.  I need to soften my heart


 and be kind and compassionate.  When I talk to God tonight, I will ask for His help to


 develop these traits, and only then will I be successful.








Do you have anything you are working on to better who you are to others ?


From... A Mom of Boys!!!



Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A day at the park....it's not what you think

 Dear Life,


What do you see when you look at this picture?
A child in a wheelchair?
A  boy on the sidelines...not participating?



Do you wonder what he's thinking?
Do you wonder if he's sad?
Do you think he knows he's different?



What do you see now?
A little mischief?
A little gleam in his eye?



Do you wonder what's up his sleeve?
Do you wonder how he will climb that mountain?
Do you wonder if he will succeed?




Who do you see with him now?
A big strong boy?
Could it be a brother?


Do you wonder what he said to him?
Do you wonder where they're going?
Do you wonder how strong this big brother is?





What do you think of this mountain they are climbing?
Can his brother carry him all the way up?
Can he hold on the whole time?




Do you wonder what they are thinking?
Do you think he regrets the offer?
Do you think he resents the climb?





What do you think of the smiles?
Or what of the great big hug?
Did they really get there?


Do you see how much he loves him?
Do you wonder if he's tired?
Do you wonder if he'll always be there?




What do you see in this picture?
Isn't he just a regular little boy?
Or is there something different about this brown eyed child?


Do you see that brilliant smile?
Do you see that glow around him?
Do you doubt Him?




Do you see these children?  
Do you see their strengths?  
Do you see their differences? 
 Do you see their love?
Did you see His love?



 His brother said he will carry him over every mountain....he will always be there for him.  That boy doesn't know he's different, and he knows he'll always be lifted up.

This was a day at the park for us. 
What an eye opening experience.

From...A Mom of Incredible Boys


This song reminds me of my boy:

"The Climb"
Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep the faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah