Back to the number

Dear Life,

I decided to start

I need to be able to handle SOMETHING in my life...why not that. I blogged awhile back about my weight. here.

It was an ugly number. Yesterday when I weighed in it was 299. At least it's less than my original number, right? I'm really tired of not feeling pretty, of not fitting in my clothes right, of looking in the mirror and being shocked at what I see.

I really like the new program. I REALLY REALLY like that there is an app for that. You heard me right...there is an app for Weight Watchers. AWESOME, right? Makes it soooo easy! This morning I didn't eat right away because I needed to figure out what to eat first. And that was okay. I need to take a step back and think before I shovel food in my mouth!

So I've decided on a sweet goal for myself. I have to tell you all I am a little jealous of you girls that can fit into Shabby Apple dresses. THEY ARE TO DIE FOR!!!!

Red Dress with Four Ruffles and Cap Sleeves

I want one.  Maybe two.  In any case I need to lower that number to get one.  And maybe just maybe my sweet husband will let me get one if I get low enough!

So....here goes....and I really want to thank my friend Georgina and my sister who have both lost weight on Weight Watchers....and have inspired me to take the plunge (again).

PS:  I've been featured for the first time by Sarah at Little Penelope Lane!  Check her out...she's adorable and SO talented!

I can do hard things

Dear Life,

This week was hard.  REALLY hard.

via

I took the boy in the Giant Green Cast to the doctor by myself.  I did okay getting him in the car,  and getting him out of the car.
Was SHOCKED when the doctor told me that he would be out of school the rest of the school year.
Was also surprised to hear that Kumaka would be in a brace for a couple of months AFTER the cast.
A pretty prohibitive brace to keep his hips in the socket and not allow him to move too much.
That bummed me out.
A LOT.
And then as I pushed him through the office and parking lot among the stares, got the boy strapped into the car, and attempted to left up the VERY heavy adult wheelchair into my car, I was really struggling.  I started to cry (I know....lame right?) because the stupid chair was so heavy and the shock on the back door of my Suburban is broken, making the door shut right after I open it.

via

 Then I wiped my eyes, and forced it to work.
But I was still really bummed.



I also have one boy challenging us in all things we've taught him.
It's hard to watch your kids grow up and have to learn things the hard way.
Free agency....we all have it. We don't always use it in the best way.
And it's now time for me to sit back and watch.
It's hard.


Then my very mellow child had a long night of little sleep.
He got up GRUMPY!
He was fussing about all kinds of stuff and made himself late for school.
He was crying and didn't want to go to school like that.
I had an appointment and needed to get me and little ready so I had limited patience.
I attempted to drop him off at the front of the school.
He wouldn't get out.
So I walked around the car, picked up his backpack and handed it to him.
He threw it back in the car.
I picked it back up and put it on the side walk.
I took his hand and pulled him out of the car.
I got back in my car and drove away.
I called the school office, explained the situation (he already had gone to the office) and asked that they let him sit down until he settled down.
AWESOME.
(He did come home and apologize later and I told him sorry for dumping him and taking off)

The next day another one of my children decided to go on the "You don't listen to me, you don't care about me, nothing is good enough for you rant."
Double AWESOME.

Enter mommy guilt.

I am on my knees a lot right now.
And I'm trying really hard to talk less and listen more.
To everyone.

A little piece of me is being stubborn and saying "no one is listening to ME! and I'm the MOM!"
But right now is not the time for that.

As I carried Kumaka one day, with his arms around my neck and me holding on to each leg, I looked at him and the words "I can do hard things" came to my mind.  I CAN do hard things. I AM doing hard things.  Mostly because I have no choice.  I haven't cried this much in a long time.  Hopefully next week I can do hard things without crying.

Praying this week is better.
Praying for patience.
Praying for peace.
Praying for knowledge.
Praying.

via

Linking up here

The couch and a haircut

Dear Life,

The boy in the Giant Green Cast has been spending a LOT of time on our couch.  Sleeping, eating, reading, playing, gaming.....it's become his second home.  Today my dear friend Kristie came over and gave my shaggy headed boy a haircut.  While he was laying down.  On my couch.  One more thing I can say happened on my couch while Kumaka was in the Giant Green Cast.  I have to say that I am so grateful to Kristie for coming over, giving him an  awesome haircut, giving me a small window of time to go to the bank and take care of some errands, basically serving our family.  It's great to have friends.  And it's great to have such an amazing couch.  I too have spent more time here...as we don't let him sleep alone.  It's a hand me down from my brother and sister in law.  I am so grateful for this couch.  And my friend.  And this boy...who smiles through it all.  

The day music collided

Dear Life,

Today the best thing happened.  I was listening to my playlist on Spotify (which I LOVE by the way) when my seventeen year old comes over and.....
wait for it......
ASKS me to play
WHITNEY HOUSTON!  

WHAT?????
I KNOW!!!!!!
So I let him choose the song.
You'll never guess......
I Will Always Love You.....
He turned it up loud...
As he started singing and I had to lift my chin up off the floor!
He then proceeded to tell me very matter of factly that Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson both said that Whitney Houston was their inspiration.
Who is this kid?????
Let me just clue you in on the fact that we like almost NONE of the same music at this time.  Although I think he secretly likes Adele but he won't ever fess up to that one.
He's still mad that he knows words to country songs since that was all we listened to for a long time when he was younger.  It irritates him that the words come unbidden.
I love being surprised by Keoni and I love that our music collided today!

Linking up over here:

Make My Monday

Dear Life, So while I was creating my own linky party, one of my dear friends Sarah at Little Penelope Lane was hooking up over at Mommy's Sippy Cup with their Monday Link up.  Kinda funny!  I loved how simple it was so I thought I would participate too!!!!

Here goes...

One word to:

Describe Me?  Loving

I am a fiercely loyal and loving person.....Love is THE most important thing in my life.

Describe your life?     Beyond Chaotic

A senior, A freshman, A sixth grader, A fourth grader, and A preschooler with extras (thanks for the GREAT term Sarah)....four schools.....five different needs....chaos

Describe your body?   Ummmm Do I have to?

Five kids...haven't been so good to me...and I haven't been good to me.  Sometime I have to work on ME....

Describe your love?  Eternal!

I love my husband more than life....seventeen years of being with my best friend!

Describe your cooking?   Quick!

I have five perpetually hungry children.....I am always having to throw food at the ravenous wolves.  :)

Describe your career?  AWESOME!!

Wife....Mommy....Writer....Advocate....

Describe your hobby?  Sleeping???

Enough said???

Describe your style?    Comfy

Beachy....with Bling....is there such a thing???  I love a little sparkle....and I love to be comfy

Describe your blog?  MEEEEEEEEEE

It's all about life...what touches me...what I have to battle...what I enjoy....what makes life GREAT

Describe your home?   Busy

I have five boys going here and there.....it's a revolving door!

Link up here.....and let me know if you do so I can read all of your lovely blogs~

   

The Donut and the Dollar

Dear Life,

Happy President's Day!  All five boys home and B O R E D!   Thought I would be a good mommy and get some donuts for them...sweets for my sweeties.  I get there and it's almost ten....and they were almost OUT!  The choices weren't great.....sooooooo I decided to buy them all.  As the shop owner was boxing them up, this cute woman comes in and looks at the empty display case.  "Sorry, she bought all of them!"  The shop lady says.  I sort of hung my head sheepishly and looked over at her and said "I'm so sorry, I have five boys....I just took what was left so they could mow it down".  She said "that's okay...I was just looking for one donut for my grandson".  I told her to look over my box and get one for him.  She looked at me like "Are you for real lady?"  I said again, please...my boys are just going to mow through them...I didn't pick anything specific. Please pick one for your boy".  She looked through the box.....and found the only sprinkle one.  She told me he would love the sprinkle one.  I said please...take it!  She said thank you thank you thank you.  And then slid a dollar to the shop owner towards our donuts.  She said thank you again.  I got myself a little treat...and smiled at the happy little Monday Moment!

Sprinkle free donuts

The dollar

 So I got a treat!

Add my button and join my brand new linky party!!!!!  Let' share our Monday Moments!

<a href="http://fromamomofboys.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyKYVIHCDqDfvFEFmObzqlWpH0oFQrDvttcZlDTupwfEr2t0WWQZ2jldtg0qBwn42wCtYXu1lNaTmMSeODvAxI56nqfaCPWjojEDitkN7O-AddfZpF5O9GuG0bsmTPCVwSFEWEXOR69O4/s170/MOB_170x170.png" alt="Dear Life From a Mom f Boys" /></a>

A few of my favorite things

My favorite things this week:

*A one hour date with my sweetheart on Valentines Day topped off with Tres Leches YUM

*My sweet boy Kalani bringing me a flower home on  Valentine's Day!

*My dear friend made some breakaway shorts for Kumaka...lifesaving!

Linking up HERE:

How to get the little man in the Giant Green Cast happy...

Dear Life,

So....we are on week two of the Giant Green Casts.  They are heavy.  They are hard to deal with.  And the poor boy....he's pretty bored.  You try looking at the ceiling all day.  You'd be cranky too!  Yesterday my husband's boss gave him tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters at the Honda Center.  They have a suite....so we were pretty happy we had a place that might be easy to take the little man in the Giant Green Casts.  

Take note of the most awesome breakaway shorts our friend made.....AWESOME 

 Daddy took him out of his wheelchair.....propped his legs on the ledge and we were in business....this is the first time Kumaka wasn't flat on his back.  HE WAS SO HAPPY!

 We were missing a few kids....five of us had a blast while the other two were being good boy scouts getting merit badges.

 We were so thankful we had a place to take the little man in the Giant Green Casts....and that he had fun!  The Harlem Globetrotters are hilarious...Kumaka was dancing in his cast.  THAT is a sight to see!

Linking up at the Sundae Scoop Link Party on  I Heart Nap Time! :)

Post #2 Hip Surgery

Dear Life,

The second day of Kumaka's surgery was one of the worst ever.  If you didn't read about the day of his surgery you can find it here.  Stuart had gone home late the night before, and my adrenaline had abruptly stopped and I hit a brick wall.  I held Kumaka's little hand as I laid in the cot next to him.

He was awake a lot during the night, but not talking, or moving.  I kept peeking at him, and the nurse kept checking his output (which wasn't what it should be still) and checking his vitals.

   I had the Disney Channel on for him, but he was still in a fog and not really paying attention.  Early in the morning, I got up off the cot, brushed my teeth, and was talking to the nurse.  She seemed still concerned about his vitals, and his output.  This had never happened before.  It seemed like the doctor was mildly concerned, but not panicked.  His heart rate would elevate, and then stabilize, his blood pressure was ok,  they were blowing air towards his face to help him breathe more comfortably.  But he was just sort of there, and he was very very pale.  It made me so sad to see him that way.  I called Stuart and told him that Kumaka was really not doing very well.  He told me he was going to get the boys off to school and come out.  The doctor came in again, and I expressed my concerns.  I told her that I understood that with a twelve hour surgery, he would be groggy and out of it, but his body is not responsive like it should be. I was also concerned that he was starting to sound like fluid was building up in his lungs. She agreed, and the first thing they wanted to address was the fact that the fluid was not coming out as it should.  She ordered Lasix, which is basically a medication that would force the excess liquid to come out.  She said sometimes when people have surgery, their bodies start to retain all the fluid in their tissues, and they definitely didn't want him to have the possibility of getting pneumonia which he has a history of.  The nurse gave him the medication, and they left him to rest a little.

 About a half an hour later, Kumaka started to throw up.  I called for the nurse, and no one was coming.  I went out to the floor, and no one was in the nursing station and the doctor was not sitting there either.  I ran back to our room, and Kumaka started vomiting again, and he started looking pretty gray.  Then his heart monitor starting beeping and I got really panicked.  You see, about two months ago, I had a pretty horrific dream that Kumaka was in the hospital, and I was there with him when he started to throw up.  In my dream, I paged the nurse and no one came.  I went out of the room and no one was there.  In my dream, I came back in the room, held Kumaka, and as I looked down at him, he died in my arms.  It was a horrific dream, and I remember exactly everything in it.  I felt like I was living it.  I started to cry and panic.  I went back out and kind of yelled at the operator that we needed a nurse and the doctor right now.   Then I went to Kumaka and held him and talked to him until everyone came in.

 As the nurse took care of him, I took the doctor aside, shared my nightmare with her and explained that I was really terrified right now and to please do something to help him.  She knows us very well, and knows that I am not a panicky mom.  She hugged me and told me she wouldn't leave him until he was stable again.  She looked at his labs, called the orthopedic surgeon to have them come look at him, and told me he may need a blood transfusion because his hemoglobin was low.  She ordered respiratory therapy, another round of antibiotics, and after having ortho look at him, decided he definitely needed the transfusion.  Right then, one of my friends called me, and I just lost it.  She told me she was going to come with her husband and he could give Kumaka a blessing.  I called Stuart and told him to hurry up, that Kumaka needed him.  When everyone got there, Stuart and Christian gave Kumaka a blessing, and then I had to go  home to get out of my head.  I wasn't doing him any good there, and Stuart was fresh and able to think.  I took a nap, took a shower, and then went back about four hours later.  By then he looked a little better, but he still had a little bit of work ahead to get released.  My boy was really such a warrior, I couldn't even believe the strength this little person was showing even going through all of this.


Stay tuned for the next episode....getting his wheelchair!

Post #1 Hip surgery

Dear Life,

  As you all know, Kumaka had major hip surgery a week ago Monday.  We knew it would be a long surgery, we were told 6 hours or so.  That would have made it the second hardest surgery he has had so far.  We knew it was difficult also because the surgeon would be cutting into Kumaka's femur bones to realign them (both legs were out of their hip socket).  I felt impressed to ask our bishop to ask our ward to fast for our family and specifically for our boy.  (read here to find out more about that; journal entry for February 6th).  Sunday night, we were so busy getting everything ready, and then our washer broke so I had to do a couple of loads of laundry at my friends house  so our other kids would have the things they needed while we were gone.  I got home late, and then needed to finish packing for the hospital.  I think we got 3 hours of sleep that night.  We got up at 4:45, woke our kids up, they said goodbye to their brother, and off we went.  We went to the pre-op area where they asked one thousand questions... twice, checked his vitals, made sure he was healthy enough for surgery, and gave him Versed... AKA happy juice.  It just makes him relaxed enough to not be crying and upset when they take him into the OR.  He started getting silly and doing crazy wiggly dances.

Pic of his legs Pre Op
When it was time to take him to the OR prep room, I went with him and Stuart went downstairs.  I talked with him, held his hand, and told him he was such an amazing warrior boy.  He was loopy, and kept staring at the ceiling.  It almost looked like he was seeing something up there.  When they took him, I didn't feel the familiar gut clenching, heart wrenching fear I have felt in the past.  I know this is because so many people prayed for Kumaka and thought about Kumaka and we have felt that love and it brought us peace.  We knew this surgery was the right thing for him.  All we had to do now was wait six long hours.  For those who have had a child in the OR, time goes into slow motion and backwards.  We went to the cafeteria, and feasted on some nasty, rubbery fake cheese omelets and cold bagels.  After eating our barely edible fare, we really wanted to curl up in the cafeteria booth and sleep, but we were afraid the hospital security would see us drooling there and snoring like bears and think we were homeless and kick us out.  So we walked to the front waiting room and waited.  It wasn't long before we were bleary eyed enough to try to go to the car to take a nap.  We told the volunteer where to find us and we took a snooze.  We came back about an hour later, and the volunteers called the OR and asked after our little warrior.  They said he was doing great.  We decided after waiting around another hour or so to go across the way to grab something to eat quickly.  There weren't too many options, fine Italian dining, questionable sushi, and the Steer Inn.  We figured we could get a decent burger at a steak place.  OH MY GOODNESS....were we sooo totally wrong.  Imagine a seventies type place...the booths were high backed with tapestry  on the backs....with bucking horses on them.  You heard me right.

 When we ordered....my husband got a cheeseburger...hard to mess up and I got a beef dip sandwich.  That should have been a win win at a beef joint.  Instead, we got a burger that HAD to be from a frozen patty...so bland and tasteless.  My sandwich was a pathetic attempt at a beef sandwich.  The only thing it had going for it was how small it was.  We asked for ketchup to drown our sorrows and pathetic meal....and we got ketchup....and relish....spooned out in little dishes.  NASTY.  No we didn't use it.

We couldn't finish...we basically paid our bill to get out as quick as possible.  We went back to the hospital, found out the room our little guy would be in, and decided to decorate it with the cards and goodies we brought from his church friends.

Then we went downstairs.  And waited more.  At this point,  we looked at the clock at it was close to two.  They took him into the OR at 7:30.  We expected him to come out any time.  We went to the front desk to ask after him and they told us they were 3/4 of the way done with leg one.  WHAT????  That was unexpected.  So we sat...and sat....and sat....because we did not want to miss the doctor.  Every minute ticked by like an hour....at six our dear friends brought Manna from Heaven...homemade dinner, food for later, yummy cupcakes, and hugs from home.  We finally heard at 6 that they were done with his surgery...they just needed to cast him which would take about 45 minutes.  Wow.  We ate, cleaned up, and the doctor finally came in at 7:30.  12 hours.  He plopped on a chair next to us, and I could tell he was exhausted.  He said it was a very difficult surgery.  He said that Kumaka did well, he showed us an X Ray of our boy with new plates and screws in his legs and went home.  I went into the recovery room with Kumaka...they told me he was awake so I was expecting him to be like his normal post op self.  That wasn't the case.  He had a slight temperature,  he was breathing kind of shallowly, and his heart rate was slightly elevated.  He also wasn't peeing.  NOT NORMAL for our boy.  I could tell the nurses were really concerned about his urine output....and I knew that my husband needed to go to work.  I went up, told Stuart to spend time with him so he could get to work and I sat and waited.  Kumaka spent two hours in the recovery when his normal time is 45 minutes to an hour.  I tried to not worry, he did just go through the longest surgery of his little life.  When he came up, he was awake, but not talking (his throat was swollen and sore from being intubated for 12 hours) and he looked so sad.  My heart broke.

This is a three part series....stay tuned.....