Dear Doctors....

Dear Life,


Have you ever thought to yourself... 
"well...this is NOT what I thought my life would be when I was a little girl having big dreams"?
I don't ever question why me...why my family...but I do question how.
How.
HOW.
How do I deal with all of these medical issues?  How do I protect my children? How do I make everyone happy?  How do I help my boys become amazing men?


Right now...I don't know HOW to help my baby boy.  I have trusted doctors for six years.  From the time I was pregnant to now.  There have been times I have had to fight.  HARD.  I'm okay with that.  But ever since my boy had hip surgery, life has been hard for him.  He's had to be way less active...since February.  And then...as soon as the first cast came off he broke his leg.  He is now out of the cast...but his leg is not fixed.  And I'm  not sure what the right thing is to do.  So here is my letter...to the doctors that care for my child.


Dear doctors....


Do you realize how hard it is to put my baby's life in your hands?

Before he was even born, I was told to trust you.  I was told I would have to allow you to operate on my baby the day of his birth.  I would rather have ripped out my own heart.  
How do I give you my newborn?

I never held him.  And I had to trust that nothing bad would happen.  And I had to say goodbye....

The. Absolute. Hardest. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Done.  EVER.


Since then, I have had to trust so many of you, and sometimes you have been wrong.  I am a mom.  I am not a nurse.  I am not even a college graduate.  But I have had to learn a lot over the last five years.  With each new problem, I have to learn more things.  We have come across something now that is breaking my heart.  My son is now not able to be as active as he used to be.  And I don't know if he will ever regain that function.  
Why can't you fix it?
How did this happen?
How long will this go on?
Please, I implore you, fix his legs.  
Give him his mobility back.
Don't tell me that we have to wait and see.
Don't tell me you're not sure.
What if it was your child?
What would you do then?
Would you work tirelessly until you solved the problem?
Please...solve this problem.


There have been some who treat my son like he was their own.
For that I am grateful.
Those doctors give me hope.




Sincerely,


A very sad mom


I am so thankful at this time for a few things.  
I am thankful for my faith.
I KNOW that God has a plan...and that my boy is in His hands.
(although that does not always make it easy...)
I am grateful for the strong shoulders my husband has.  He is always there for me... he is my rock.
I am grateful for my children...and their patience when I lose my mind.
I am grateful for my friends and family...who always keep my baby in their hearts, prayers, and thoughts.

Save the Date for a Fab Blog Hop

Dear Life....

I am co hosting with the fabulous Kelly at Live Laugh Rowe as well as Lauren Rebecca, My Design Ethos, Pocket Full of Pink, The Artsy Girl Connection and This Little Light  for a fantastic June Blog Hop!!!!  My bloggy peeps have really become like family...I have met some fantastic women here in bloggy land.  SAVE THE DATE and come hop with us!!!!

<a href="http://www.livelaughrowe.com"><img src="http://i1184.photobucket.com/albums/z329/Kelly_Kuert-Rowe/Buttons/JuneBlogHop.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket" width="200" heighth="200"></a>

Tender Mercy

Dear Life,


We have had a really challenging year so far.  You can 


read about it here.  


But through all of the challenges we have had so 


many tender mercies.  People have shown our family 


so much love, we have been on the receiving end of


many tender mercies. 


     "Each of us can have eyes to see 


clearly and ears to hear distinctly the 


tender mercies of the Lord as they


strengthen and assist us in these latter     


days."   


David A. Bednar
The Tender Mercies of the Lord
General Conference  April 2005


Each day I have learned to recognize and appreciate


the good in the day.  If I didn't focus on whatever I 


could that was good or positive I think I would have 


lost my mind.  It helps me to just deal with what I 


have to deal with and not cry.  




It does NOT help me with my laundry.  Darn!




Last week I was able to unwittingly give someone else


a tender mercy.  


I took Kumaka to the doctor for his


UTI, and as I was talking with her, she was sharing 


some things in her life that were challenging right


now (we are good like that....she knows the good


bad and ugly about me....and she was having a really 


hard day so she just came in and unloaded).  




I shared a couple of experiences I had that were 


challenges similar to hers.  


Words came into my mind unbidden to share with her; 


the most important of which were this:


Continue to pray.  Continue to read the 


scriptures...even if it's just a small amount...every day


find the time to read and find comfort in them.She


hugged me and then she took sweet care of my baby


boy like usual. When she came in to check on him


before we left, she hugged  me, said she prayed in her 


office right after she left the room and felt better.  She 


told me that she really needed me today.  


WOW.


I'm going to the doctor because my baby is sick and I


get to help someone???


And all I could think of was God knows what he is 


doing.  


Then yesterday I had to take Kumaka back to see her 


because he was not getting better.  I had my husband 


with me.  As we left, she looks at him, and says your 


wife really helped me last week.  I love her.  And she 


hugged me forever.  She said it really helped and she 


could tell a difference.








     "As we emulate His perfect example, 


our hands can become His hands; our 


eyes, His eyes; our heart, His heart.....


This is the spirit of compassion: that we 


love others as ourselves, seek their 


happiness, and do unto them as we hope 


they would do unto us."




Dieter F. Uchtdorf
You Are My Hands
General Conference April 2010


It made me feel so good to help someone...even though I was going to see her so she could help me.  It really amazed me and made me think that I really need to be aware of what is going on around me.  It didn't take much for me to share some comforting words and give a hug..but it made a huge difference to her.  


I want to share this song with you...I love it!

Janice Kapp Perry

1. Tender mercies of the Lord

Come in quiet ways,

Not by mere coincidence,

But by heaven’s grace.

As we choose to follow Him

With full heart and soul,

We become His chosen ones

And tender mercies flow.

2. Tender mercies of the Lord

Come in times of need.

Gifts of faith and confidence

Fill us as we plead.

Words of guidance, hope, and peace

Help us feel God’s love.

By our faith, His mercies come

Like manna from above.

3. Tender mercies of the Lord

Come as we repent.

Sweet forgiveness, peace of mind

Follow, heaven-sent.

Faithfulness, obedience

Help us to discern.

Blessings sweet and personal

For which our spirits yearn.

4. Tender mercies of the Lord

Comfort us and guide.

In His time and in His way,

We receive His light.

As we yield our will to His,

Blessings freely flow.

We partake of love divine

Thru mercies He bestows.

What would you like to know?

Dear Life,

So.....What five things would you like to know about me?


I will tell you five things.  Then you can ask away.  Don't be shy.  :)


1.  Were you trying for a girl?

THESE BOYS ARE MY LIFE....and we weren't necessarily trying for a girl...but I LOVE a little sparkle....a little bling...so I would have loved a girl.  
No we didn't try...but I'm not gonna lie that I didn't have sad moments at times.


2.  Where are you from?

It looks best from the hills....when it's not a hot, smoggy day.  I am from the San Fernando Valley...also known as "The Valley"...and as a teen growing up in the eighties I said "like" (and still do on occasion).  I'm not there anymore...I love where I live now....minutes from the beach is not a hard place to be.


3.  What are you afraid of?

It's crazy that I am a big old baby...totally afraid of the dark.  Sometimes I RUN from the car to the house.  I almost feel something icky in the dark.  True...no lie...and please don't tell my kids...they will try to scare me on purpose!


4.  Where did you meet your husband?

Funny this story.  Short version....I drove 45 minutes with my gal pals...he drove 45 minutes with his guys...we all danced together and he and I exchanged numbers and became really good friends.  And then we dated.  And the rest is history!  God knew what he was doing...and for that I am thankful!




5.  When you grow up what do you want to be?

See that beautiful woman up there?  You know...the famous super model?  Yeah...I wanted to be her!   I used to dream and dream that I would be a model.  Well...I did a few things and realized I liked to wear clothes.  End of that dream.
Now...I love words.  I love reading.  And I really want to write.  More than anything.  I don't totally believe in myself yet...so I write...in my blog...and pray that one day I will have enough courage to go for it...to take the necessary steps to go all the way.  


Feel free to ask me more questions...or share five things about you!!!!

Dreams come true

Dear Life,

I was blog hopping...and found this super cute blog called These are the Moments.  Holly had a great list of things she wants to do in her lifetime.  I have to admit that when I was younger I never thought past what I had to do and when I had to do it.  I had tunnel vision...I was short sighted....and I didn't allow myself to dream.  I just assumed I would never do or see most of the things the world has to offer.  I think I was afraid to dream....

Over the years I have learned to ALWAYS dream.  Living your life in fear is not living.  Watching other people live is not living.  Dreaming and believing big is OK....it is the only way things happen!
With that being said, I have learned that your dreams can happen but not necessarily the way you think they are going to happen.  

I've ALWAYS wanted to go to Hawaii.  ALWAYS.  Do you know how many times I have rolled my eyes when people ask me how many times I've been to Hawaii.  About a million.  After 18 years of marriage TO a Hawaiian man...and having five children with Hawaiian names...and learning all about the culture....I finally get to go.  Did I think it would take this long? NO.  Did I think it would be with only half of my family? NO.  Did I think it would be because I am leaving my oldest son there to go to school?  NOOOOO.  (Sniff....One month....my heart is breaking)  But I am going.  And I can't wait!

Another thing I've wanted to do since before I even knew my husband was go to DisneyWorld.  Now if you aren't a Disney freak like me, you would skip this.  And if you live in Southern California like I do, and been to Disneyland a billion times like we have, you would wonder WHY on earth this is even on your list.  I can't explain it...I can only say it's something that I have always wanted to do.  Disney is something our family just loves...our kids have grown up at the park, watching the movies, and believing in the magic.  But that trip is not something I have ever ever planned.  Something about flying...and having seven people in my family....and I'm not independently wealthy.  
And then we got a letter last December.  

Kumaka is being granted a wish.  I cried.  When the wish grantors came to talk to him (he calls them his wish fairies) he told them how much he loves the princesses, the castle, and Disney. 

He is being granted a wish to DisneyWorld.  And we get to travel with him.  And the biggest blessing of all is that Keoni will be able to go with us.  (He's almost too old...because he was seventeen when we received the letter, he is still eligible to attend the trip with us).    That was huge for us...because Keoni has really had to grow up quick...6 years ago his life changed.  He had to babysit a lot, he had to help out when his mommy was checked out trying to figure out how to wrap her brain around this little thing called Spina Bifida.  He has had to step in when we are in the hospital; and he notices how many times we are gone.

  
Because of Kumaka's surgery and subsequent broken leg, we are not going until December.  The date we were given just happens to be the week of Kumaka's sixth birthday.  So in December, our family is being blessed with a magical week at the happiest place on earth.  
This is not how I ever expected to be going to DisneyWorld.  But what a blessing this is.  And because this has been a particularly difficult year for Kumaka, this will be the perfect thing to lift him up.  

Kumaka has been in a spica cast from his hips to his toes for four months.  FOUR MONTHS.  This boy is so patient. He rarely complains.  He has even learned to hold on to the bar between his legs to sit up.  His abs will be crazy strong.  I am so happy that he will get this birthday getaway...and we get to spend this time as a family just enjoying each other. 

Dreams come true.  Not in the way you expect.   But they do come true.  So I have decided that I will never limit my dreams....and I will always work hard to find ways to make them become a reality.   

The other women in my life

Dear Life,


As I was thinking about the women that shaped my life for my Mother's Day post (read here), I was thinking about a few other women that have shaped me as well.  
I think the list could be quite extensive, and just in case I forget someone, I am not going to rattle off names.  I can tell you that as early as Jr. High, there were people who have changed me.

Friends that have remained friends for over twenty years. 

Friends that have had enough guts to tell me when I was wrong; friends to love me when my heart was breaking; friends who giggled with me when I was silly; friends who have been joyous with me during triumph and friends that have prayed, cried, and hugged me as I've learned to be a different kind of mom these past few years. 
Friends who have taught me to dream...to believe...to live bigger, better and happier. 

What about my sisters? 

 Sisters who deal with me even when I'm cranky and bossy (hey..it comes with the territory...I'm the oldest after all). 

 Sisters that are there for the good, bad and ugly.  Sisters know it all...and could really make your life crazy if they wanted to!


New friends who have taught me things I didn't know before...pioneer friends. 
Friends who battle things, who show strength, who teach compassion, who teach joy in all things, who give of themselves when they are struggling.  


The love in a woman's heart; the strength in a woman's hand; the knowledge in a woman's brain; the compassion in a woman's core is how we all get through life with joy.  

I am so grateful for all of you who have touched my life, my heart, my soul.  I thank you.  I love you.

via

Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became the best of friends.  ~Author Unknown

Are we not like two volumes of one book?  ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

Friends are relatives you make for yourself.  ~Eustache Deschamps

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer

via

Monday Musings

Dear Life,

I love that Sarah at Little Penelope Lane  writes her Hello Monday posts every week.  They are a snapshot of happy to get you going in the right direction.  I am taking a page from her blog so to speak and linking up with Bits of Splendor.


I had a fantastic Mothers Day weekend which included getting away from being a mommy for a few hours and traipsing Laguna Beach where the Mr. and I got married 17 1/2 years ago.

This is the exact spot we said our "I do's"....it is as beautiful as I remember.

 I can't get enough of this stretch of coastline.  It makes me happy!

You know what else makes me happy?  Home made mother's day cards!


Kumaka's cute hands

 And this feast and beautiful banner was from the young men at church to all of us women.  WONDERFUL.  Wanna see what my teenagers wrote?  I know you do...

 

Kekoa....I do know your last name!  That does say thank you for the birth of me.  Your welcome.

 I really hope Cody loves his mom A LOT!

Kalani's beautiful artwork!

 Kawika's beautiful artwork!

 Mr. Hot Stuff....still calls me his #1 girl....this is when I'm glad I'm the ONLY girl....I have this title FOREVER...well until granddaughters come along!


Yesterday Mr. man was lucky enough to get tickets for the Angel game...so we grabbed some of the kiddos and off we went.

Kumaka was invited to dance...but he was too shy (yeah right)...so these cuties came back with a special goody bag for Kumaka to take home!  SOOOO sweet!  Stuart's not looking too unhappy about this situation! 


HAPPY Monday.....clicking away....
<

It took a village

Dear life,


It took a village to create the mom I am.  I have been thinking about all of these women this weekend and wanted to share them with all of you while giving thanks to them (even though they will probably never read this).


First and foremost the woman who gave birth to me.  My mom.

Dear Mom,
Thank you for having the courage to keep me even though you were just a baby yourself.  

Thank you for working hard to support me your whole life.  Thank you for protecting me from the hard world all around me. Now that I am a mom and have seen amazing joy and serious heartache I can appreciate even more all you have done for me.
 

 Tara (sister) Lily (sister) Me, Keoni, Kekoa, Mom

Dear Grandma,
You have unflagging love.  I have never met a woman so giving, so selfless, so strong.  You have seen heartache, but you give to everyone around you.  You have seen me through every stage of my life and supported me through it all.  I can still count on you, and now all of my boys can count on you too.  We are so blessed to have "great grandma" around.  
 

 Me, Tara my sister and my Grandma

I wish I had more pictures...but my grandma HATES pictures.  Her only fault. 

Dear Great Grandma,
 Thank you for remembering my birthday every year.  You lived in Ohio, I lived in California and you sent me a card every single year until you died.  You sent me a dollar.  Every year.  I loved that you remembered me, especially because I only met you a few times.  You taught me something very special with those cards.  Miss you.

Dear Mom Peterson,
I miss you so much.  You were the wise calm woman, who let me be wild and listened to me be crazy and loved me anyway.  You always showed me a quiet, peaceful love...and helped me heal my wounded teenage heart. You are missed. 

 (check out my hottie husband...the girl on the right is one of my BFF's Claire...and her mom "Mama Peterson" is the fantastic woman in burgundy behind me.)

Dear Mama Lei,
I miss you more and more as each  year goes by.  I miss you singing to my babies, I miss your stories, your laugh, your strong personality.  
You were as patient as you could be with a young, strong personality know it all girl and loved me in spite of me. You taught me the spirit of Aloha...

Waiting for Keoni to arrive.....I must have had an epidural already!

You taught me more than you even knew....you raised my baby when I couldn't after my stroke.

 You worked harder than anyone I knew; you were incredibly creative; you loved all of your grandchildren to pieces (and unknown to them they were ALL told they were her very favorite); you were generous; you were an amazing cook; a beautiful singer; and had the strength of ten women.  You were the rock of a HUGE ohana...and we all miss you terribly.

Dear Jean,

You were my spiritual mother.  When I was a new member of the church, you became a dear friend, a loving spiritual mentor and taught me so much.  You will always be a part of my family in my mind....I appreciate all you've taught me and your daughters are truly blessed to call you mom.  You are also a giant in your family...

And without this man

LOVING me, I would never be a mom.

 It truly took a village, and I still have so much to work on.  
I am so grateful for all of these fantastic women who have a huge part in who I am.