Facing the crossroads

Dear Life,

I feel like I need to share this story.  I can't explain everything, only pieces of it.  But we have all in our life felt the adversary work against us.  We have felt anger, and we have felt like we have had our power stripped.  Two weeks we found ourselves in an emotional wasteland.  We found ourselves dealing with a problem we never thought we would have to deal with.  And as parents we were angry.  We were angry at the situation, but found ourselves projecting anger at a lot of people.  One night, at the height of it, the frustration and anger was palpable.  I went into the kitchen, away from where everyone else was, and I prayed.  I could tell our family right in that moment could fracture...that our beliefs and all we hold dear was being tested.  I felt that we were literally on the crossroads...and one side the adversary was opening the door big and wide...and the other side the door was open but I had to walk further to get there.  I wept, and literally sank to my knees and begged God to help me...to help me figure out a way to strengthen my family...to get past this horror.  I have never ever felt the presence of the adversary so strong in my life.  I knew that if I did not work hard to bring my boys and my husband close, hold them, love them, and make sure we were drawing closer to the Lord we would go down a completely different path...and not the right path.  After I closed my prayer, I stood up, figuratively pulled up my big girl panties, and called my family in for family prayer.  After that day, every day I feel closer and closer to my Heavenly Father.  I know that He has a plan, that He will guide our family through this.  My anger has subsided...and I feel like we have locked the door against the adversary (even though he was laughing at us so hard that night).  We have sadness, and we have frustration, but the anger has definitely diminished.  I am so grateful for the gospel, for the knowledge that we have that God loves us, that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and that through the resurrection all things can be OK.  That all of our hurts and wounds have been felt by our Savior...and that we can be whole once again.  Without the gospel, the last few weeks would kept us in emotional wasteland.  So so grateful for the gospel.  So grateful.

Flying towards Sofi

Dear Life,

We are getting closer to Sofi!  We have a completed homestudy in our possession.  We have received our FBI clearances.  We have taken our documents to Downtown LA to get them apostilled at the Secretary of State office (Really grateful right now that we have a satellite office in LA...and it's driveable.  If we were to mail them in, we would still be waiting for them to be done...and heaven forbid if there is a problem).  Just sent off the majority of our documents to Sofi's country, they are awaiting our FBI clearances (just sent them to Washington DC to get apostilled) and our immigration clearances.  THAT'S IT folks!!!!  Then...they translate it and take it to court where they decide whether or not we are officially approved to adopt Sofi!  From there, they will give us a date to visit!!!!!!  It's so very surreal to be this far.  We are in the hurry up...then wait period.  We have been scrambling to get everything done...and things have all come up at once....and now we wait for governments to do their thing.  

And tonight, I have been thinking of our girl.  My heart is breaking because of the waiting.  My arms are aching to hold her...to teach her about her family...to show her the world.  We can't wait to take her to the ocean....to see her eyes light up when she sees the birds at the beach or hears the soothing waves.  I can't wait to hold her in my lap, to hold her sweet hand, to teach her about love.  Imagine...having to teach a four year old about love.  We take it for granted....because we all have it.  But for this little girl, she has only known people who care for her because it's their job.  She hasn't felt joy, she hasn't expressed happiness. I'm not sure she knows how to FEEL at all.  I'm sad we have to wait....that she has to wait....but I do know that it will happen in His time...and in His perfect way.  And I know that once she is here....love for her will be overflowing.  

If any of you want to know what you can do to help us, here is how right now:

Our friend Amy Moss at Owls for Orphans is doing a fundraiser for us.  For every owl purchased, she is donating 50 percent (yes that is correct....Five Zero) towards our adoption.  If you want to purchase an adorable hand made owl and don't have  a place for one, don't you worry, you can buy one for an orphan!  They are helping us fly towards Sofi!!!! 

We are also taking straight donations through our YouCaring site.  Below is the link!  

We are collecting money for travel at this point...so as soon as we get the green light we are ready to purchase tickets!!!!!!  Please consider an owl (through the month of March or a straight donation) to help us fly away!

Owls for Orphans

Dear Life,

We have been so blessed to be featured this month on Owls for Orphans.

Owls for Orphans Blog

Amy is a mom, and amazing owl maker.  She started this as a fundraiser for her own adoption. (She and her husband just got back from visiting their soon to be six year old daughter who just happens to be in the same country as Sofi).  She then decided to feature families each month and fundraise for them.  The most awesome part of this in my mind is that if you don't want to buy an owl for yourself, you can buy an owl for orphans.  Whoever is traveling that month will take owls purchased for orphans to the orphanage.    This is a quote from her blog:

"Amy,

I wanted to give you an update on the owls.  The

 representative that was supposed to meet with me was 

unable to, so I didn't have a reliable way to get them to the

 original orphanage and into the hands of the kids.  I 

decided to give the owls to some of the children I visited at a different orphanage.  This is the orphanage who cares for two girls some friends of ours are trying to adopt. They care for about 40 special needs kids and 40 healthy with most under 3 years in age.  Your owls ended up on a floor where the most severely disabled children are cared for.  One went to our friend's future little girl.  She is very shy and can't sit up.  She got the pink one.  She was very attracted to the big eyes and liked touching the texture of the toy also.  Another girl is about a size 12 months at 3 years and was parked in a stroller facing a wall with no toys.  Some people believe she is so damaged there is no point in giving her any attention.  I interacted with her for about 15 minutes and was able to get her to smile, grasp my finger and track her eyes with the little orange owl.  He stayed with her and I hope she will now at least have one toy to touch and look at!  One of the purple and green owls stayed with a little girl named P.  She was sitting in a special chair that an agency provided to support her large head.  She is 10 years old and has hydrocephalus.  The chair was parked in a dark hallway and P reached out for attention as we passed by. She smiled and hugged the owl to her face. She was very excited.   The next owl went to the little one I have been calling B on the blog.  She is an active little girl who gets attention because she demands it!  She saw me giving them to the other children through the window of her room and tapped to get my attention.  I couldn't resist giving her one!  One owl did also end up with a little girl who traveled to her new home (in the US!) this week.  She saw them on my bed and I really couldn't say NO!

Your little owls really made some children happy.  Even in the room with the healthy toddlers there were no soft toys.  None of the children in cribs had anything soft or textured to touch."

We have half a month to go...would you consider purchasing an owl..for your home or for an orphan?  Mention the Jensen family when you purchase and we will Amy will donate 50% of her proceeds to our adoption fund.  We are raising money right now to visit Sofi for the first time in the summer.  We need 5000 dollars.  How many owls can we sell?????  We are stepping closer to Sofi!

"Are you my mom?"

Dear Life,

I have been introduced to a beautiful little girl.  
Well only in pictures.
She has a sweet little smile.
She has beautiful blue eyes.
She has no mommy or daddy.

Her life is in danger.  
Her health is at risk.
All she needs is a family to bring her home.
She needs love, she needs care.


She has Spina Bifida like Kumaka.
When you have the type of Spina Bifida that Kumaka and "Susanna" has, you need surgery immediately at birth.
You need your head checked continually for hydrocephalus.

Kumaka had surgery six hours after birth to close the hole in his back...and a shunt for his hydrocephalus placed at the same time.
He has not had issues with his back after that and his shunt has been great for years.

"Susanna" has not.
Her back lesion is open.
It leaks CSF fluid.
She has never had a shunt placed.
Her head looks like it is getting bigger and bigger...which means her brain is being squeezed like a vice.
I'm sure her head hurts all the time.
The doctors in her country have deemed her "inoperable". 
THIS IS NOT THE CASE


And yet she still finds a way to smile.  
She helps the boy in the crib next to her.
She scoots around in her crib.


SHE IS A FIGHTER.
SHE CAN BE OK.
SHE JUST NEEDS SOMEONE TO FIGHT FOR HER NOW.

Are you her mother?
Are you her father?

If you have any questions about what it is like to care for a child with Spina Bifida, please contact me.
If you are interested in getting more information about beautiful "Susanna" please contact me.

Please please please share this blog post.  You could save her life. You could create a new life for her.  

Hard days

Dear Life,

Today I had to take Kumaka to get a baseline MRI.  
Kumaka has had a ton of surgeries, and tests that required anesthesia.
I am here to say it never gets easier. 
My most unfavorite thing to do is to be there when the anesthesiologist puts the mask on him while I am still in the room.
Watching my baby sleep in an instant like that is unnatural and I don't like it one bit.
Having Kumaka being older and more aware makes things even harder.
He cried when his daddy gave him his blessing.
He was fine in the waiting room, but asked me what exactly they were doing.
I told him they were going to make him go to sleep, put an IV in, and then take pictures of his brain and spine.
He does not like getting an IV.
I can't blame him.
When I placed him on the MRI table, big crocodile tears started rolling down his cheeks. 
It made me so sad. 
The doctor put the mask on his face.
And he fell asleep crying.
And my heart broke.
Again.
Like it does every single time I leave him in the hands of doctors and anesthesiologists.
It's all necessary, and we've done it more times than we can count.
But it's never easy to put your baby in someone else's hands.
Thank heaven he's happy now.  
Food, a juice box, and his dad and he's a new boy.
Thankful more than ever for CHOC.
For a brand new wing where parents can sit comfortably and wait in peace while their children are undergoing surgery or procedures.
For the nurses who care for children like they are their own.
For the staff who understands when a mommy is sad for their child.

Mending broken hearts

Dear Life,

Parenting doesn't come with the "How To Be The Best Mom Ever For Dummies" book. I wish it did.  There are so many pitfalls, so many things that come up that throw you for a loop.  When you have a baby, you have to figure out how to make your baby sleep....on a schedule.  (I failed that task by the way) Then there's the helping them read....helping them when the girl they like doesn't like them....helping them when school is not their favorite place to be.  The list goes on.    

But how do you mend a broken heart?  How do you move forward when your child has been wounded?  There are many ways a child can be hurt, and each experience calls for a different kind of expertise.  How do we find the answers when we don't have the playbook?  How do we mend their hearts when we are just as blindsided as they are?  How do we wipe their tears when we can't see through our own tears?

There is only one way. You hold on to Him.  Through the Atonement, we can all find comfort and peace.  We must remember that Christ's heart was broken, he has felt our sorrows, all so we can be whole, so our hearts can mend. 

3rd Nephi 17

 21 And when he had said these words, he ^awept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and ^bblessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.