A Glimpse

Dear Life,

Kalani and I worked together to create a video that shorts a very small amount of what he has felt and been through in the past year.  He wants to be able to show other teens dealing with mental health issues, that their lives are worth getting help.  He is such a huge example to me!  He is not afraid to share his journey in the hopes of helping others.

Last year, Kalani was unable to go to basketball, unable to practice with his team, unable to even watch their games.  He was unable to go to school or leave the house.  He was trapped in fear, and anxiety and depression took a toll.  He gained over 30 pounds in three short meals, he wasn't sleeping and he was not acting like the same kid I was used to.  He was either angry or sad.  Every night he turned into a very angry person who couldn't be around anyone.  He couldn't sleep in his room, he slept in mine.  He started hearing voices, and seeing people that didn't exist.  He thought he was crazy and thought he had to go to the hospital.

As a family, we were determined to help him while he stayed at home.  We got him into a special outpatient program through the county, and he was assigned to a psychiatrist and therapist.  It took many many weeks for Kalani to trust his therapists.  He was given medication to help with the depression, anxiety, and voices he was hearing.  It was a very scary few months, and honestly, we never expected him to play basketball again.  We were so sad that our boy had to fight so hard to just live, and often times the voices told him to quit. He got so tired.

He had a major breakthrough three months ago.  He was able to talk about something that has plagued him for years.  He is still working through this, but he was able to complete a semester of school, a session of summer school, and summer basketball.  We are so proud of him and all of his hard work.  He still has work to do, but he's in a completely different place than he was last year.

He created this short video to show a little of what he has been through. Thank you for everyone who supports our family, for those that have been kind and supportive to our boy, and to those that share his journey in hopes of helping others.  #ItTakesATeam

The Marathon

Tears.

For months on end I cried every single day.  I fell asleep with tears on my face as I prayed and prayed for my son.

I dreaded waking up.

Our family was living a nightmare.

One of our children was living in a nightmare.

He was not sleeping, unable to go to school, even unable to play basketball.

He was paralyzed.

By fear. Anxiety. Depression. Voices. Only he could hear them. But they were horrible.

You're not good enough. You don't deserve anything. Quit. Die. Just STOP.

He withdrew from life.

He wasn't the same.

We didn't know how to get him back.

Dark.

Scary.

Sad.

Lost.

We did the only thing we knew how to do.

Love him.

We loved him every day, even when he pushed us away.

We fought for him, even when he gave up on himself.

And we found a team. A group of people in various positions, a high school coach, a school psychologist, a teacher, a therapist in a county program, and we all loved him.

No one gave up.

Even when he pushed us all away.

It took a full school year to find my boy.

He has some serious work left to do.

He has some deep scars from the battle.

But he also knows that he has people on his side; people he can trust.

People that care.

We smile more now.

We watch him play basketball again.

We see him find success at school.

We give our thanks to a Father in Heaven who heard our cries, and I'm sure He wept when we wept.

And then he helped put these amazing people in place to help him.

To guide him.

To find my boy in the broken shell he had become.

I think back at the last year and I wonder how we survived.

I remember not too long ago I was so weary I just wanted to lay down to sleep and not do it anymore.

But we kept pressing on. I know now that God was lifting us up, pushing us forward, putting angels on earth in place, so that our boy would make it.  

He still has many many things to work on.  But he will be ok.  As the coach says, it's a marathon.  A long, tough, steep marathon.  But a marathon worth running.  We see the light at the end of the tunnel.  And it's oh so very bright.

#ItTakesATeam

Doubt

DOUBT.

Doubt is a thief.  
Doubt makes you question, makes you afraid.
Doubt takes away ability.
Doubt can ruin a life.

When dealing with mental illness, your own brain is a robber.
Your own brain puts doubt in your head.
Your own brain is making you doubt yourself.
When your own brain is making you doubt yourself, you become paralyzed.

You are supposed to go to school.
You are supposed to go to practice.
You are supposed to go to work.
You can't, because you doubt yourself.

Your brain says you can't.
Your brain says you're not good enough.
Your brain says you're weak.
Your brain says you're worthless.

Eventually you can't even hear those around you telling you that you can.
You can't hear the words I love you.
You can't hear anything but doubt and you can't feel anything but fear.
You can't see any of your victories.

It's a daily struggle.
The voice can whisper, the voice can shout.
It's always there.
Doubt is a liar, and a thief.



Mental Health is real. It's serious. We all need to be aware.  It's all around us.  It's our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends.  It's silent.  But we all need to talk about it.  Share your stories.  And know #ItTakesATeam


Our son battles mental illness daily.  Last week he triumphed.  This week doubt is stealing his ability.  Every day his team reminds him of their love, gives him small goals, and praises him.  It's one of the hardest battles he will face in his life.  But he is not alone.  And he is not ashamed to share his story.  
And we are so proud of our tall one and his courageous battle.