Dear Life,
This week was hard. REALLY hard.
I took the boy in the Giant Green Cast to the doctor by myself. I did okay getting him in the car, and getting him out of the car.
Was SHOCKED when the doctor told me that he would be out of school the rest of the school year.
Was also surprised to hear that Kumaka would be in a brace for a couple of months AFTER the cast.
A pretty prohibitive brace to keep his hips in the socket and not allow him to move too much.
That bummed me out.
A LOT.
And then as I pushed him through the office and parking lot among the stares, got the boy strapped into the car, and attempted to left up the VERY heavy adult wheelchair into my car, I was really struggling. I started to cry (I know....lame right?) because the stupid chair was so heavy and the shock on the back door of my Suburban is broken, making the door shut right after I open it.
Then I wiped my eyes, and forced it to work.
But I was still really bummed.
I also have one boy challenging us in all things we've taught him.
It's hard to watch your kids grow up and have to learn things the hard way.
Free agency....we all have it. We don't always use it in the best way.
And it's now time for me to sit back and watch.
It's hard.
Then my very mellow child had a long night of little sleep.
He got up GRUMPY!
He was fussing about all kinds of stuff and made himself late for school.
He was crying and didn't want to go to school like that.
I had an appointment and needed to get me and little ready so I had limited patience.
I attempted to drop him off at the front of the school.
He wouldn't get out.
So I walked around the car, picked up his backpack and handed it to him.
He threw it back in the car.
I picked it back up and put it on the side walk.
I took his hand and pulled him out of the car.
I got back in my car and drove away.
I called the school office, explained the situation (he already had gone to the office) and asked that they let him sit down until he settled down.
AWESOME.
(He did come home and apologize later and I told him sorry for dumping him and taking off)
The next day another one of my children decided to go on the "You don't listen to me, you don't care about me, nothing is good enough for you rant."
Double AWESOME.
Enter mommy guilt.
I am on my knees a lot right now.
And I'm trying really hard to talk less and listen more.
To everyone.
A little piece of me is being stubborn and saying "no one is listening to ME! and I'm the MOM!"
But right now is not the time for that.
As I carried Kumaka one day, with his arms around my neck and me holding on to each leg, I looked at him and the words "I can do hard things" came to my mind. I CAN do hard things. I AM doing hard things. Mostly because I have no choice. I haven't cried this much in a long time. Hopefully next week I can do hard things without crying.
Praying this week is better.
Praying for patience.
Praying for peace.
Praying for knowledge.
Praying.
