Thursday, January 19, 2012


Dear Life,

We've all heard that our challenges in life are to teach us something right?  Patience, forgiveness, etc.  While both of those are something I need to work on, I've discovered recently that I need to focus at least right now on kindness.

Kind: of a good or benevolent nature or dispositionas a person: kind and loving person.

I bet you're wondering where this came from.  If you know me, you know I can be a kind and loving person.  

I do my very best to be kind.  But at this moment in time I mean a little something different.   

When I found out about Kumaka's disability, I was 19 weeks pregnant.  It was devastating to

 say the least.  I turned inward, and I will admit I was angry.  Very angry.  Not at God.  Not 

at my baby.  I was angry at all the other mother's who were pregnant with healthy babies.

  Isn't that ridiculous?  I wasn't just a little angry, I was a lot angry.  I thought these mothers

 were so silly for saying when asked if they wanted a boy or a girl  "As long as the baby is 

healthy".  Hmmmmm.....what happens if that isn't the case I wanted to ask them?  I never 

did, though.  I steered clear of the healthy, head in the clouds, mommies 

to be and stayed in my little dark cloud of doom and scariness.  

I wish I could say that attitude of mine has gone away completely.  It has to some degree as 

I have come to terms with the fact that everyone has challenges; not everyone has health 

challenges;  not everyone has financial challenges; not everyone has marriage challenges.  I 

have learned to understand that everyone is not going to understand my life, my child, my

 battles.  But I need to be KIND nevertheless.  I cannot force people to understand our 

life, and I cannot force people to see my son for what he is.  I can only be the best person 

I can be.  I can have love and compassion and kindness for others.  I can

 have empathy for others trials even if I think they are trivial or small.  I can understand 

that although it is my job to fight for my son it is not my job to fight everyone.  I need to 

discover the art of fighting only when necessary.  I've had to do some serious fighting and

 Kumaka is only five...and I think I have gotten a little hardened.  I need to soften my heart

 and be kind and compassionate.  When I talk to God tonight, I will ask for His help to

 develop these traits, and only then will I be successful.

Do you have anything you are working on to better who you are to others ?

From... A Mom of Boys!!!


  1. Great post Tracy. It its so hard not to compare out lives with others wether its what they have out what they don't have. Thank you for being so kind to my boys!

    1. I <3 your boys..they are easy to be kind to!!!! :)

  2. Great post Tracy (although TINY font :-) )

    I have to work on the patients part.... I just get so frustrated with tantrums vs. doing something or using words to tell me no.... And patients with others who don't get the life I live. I need to not get frustrated with them, but to explain it in a way that they can understand, or better yet live it in a way that shines it's light... easier said than done!

    And .... BTW.... anger is a NATURAL step of grieving, you just can't get stuck there :-) If we didn't get angry at the hard circumstances sometimes, then we would really be in trouble...

    Love & Hugs!

    1. Patience is something I am also working on...but that is a general overall

      Hugs to you my friend...hope you're safe today!

  3. I can totally relate to this Tracy. My 6-1/2 yr old daughter has special needs and we found out when I was pregnant also. The fear of the unknown even before the birth was very hard. Now having to face others when she doesn't act like the kid who is "normal" in her behavior during certain situations, it's so easy to become so frustrated and wish she was different and that others would know exactly why she acts that way. I feel like I need to apologize and explain to others so they "get" her and accept her. I fear for her future and for ours with what it means to what she will or will not be able to do as she grows up. In the midst of her severe tantrums and what seems like bi-polar episodes, I get angry at her, at life, and ask why we need to be doing this almost every single day. It gets very overwhelming. Something I have learned and always need to remind myself is that I should never apologize for my child because that's the way she was made, it's who she is and I'm here for her to protect her and to support her. I don't need to explain or apologize for her because she is doing nothing wrong. It's out of her control and others need to have compassion on her, if they don't, it's their problem not ours. It is very hard not to compare or to worry what others think. Hugs to you. :)

    1. Salena...hugs to you too!!! Thank you for sharing that. I would definitely say that you NEVER have to apologize for whatever differences your sweet girl has. God made her that way.....and she is precious to Him! So glad we have found each other in blogland!

  4. Aww it makes the whole gender thing seem so minute when the health is questioned on your baby...your doing very well with never gives your more then you can handle...I'm glad I found your blog....don't feel bad about being mad at the women with their heads in the clouds...its normal. Rileysmom33wker@


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