Monday, May 23, 2016

How did I get HERE?

Dear Life,

I am going to share a personal journey with you.


If you know me, or have seen a picture of me, you know that my weight has been a challenge for many, many years.

I feel like I have gained 20 pounds yearly!  I was afraid when I got pregnant with Kumaka that I would get to 300 pounds.  I got higher than that!

I topped off at 314 pounds!


I never had to worry about my weight until I had children.  At first the weight gain was a few pounds, and then 20 pounds, until I ballooned so high that walking was hard, sleeping was uncomfortable, and no clothes fit me.  I am going to be brutally honest here.....I stopped measuring myself for clothing sizes; opting for leggings and t shirts.  So the largest size I purchased was 26, but I really think I was a 28 but refusing to admit it.

Working out was impossible.
My bladder became affected.
My legs rubbed together.
I felt ugly.

I noticed that many times people wouldn't look at my face when I was talking to them.
I tried to pretend that I was proud of who I was regardless of my weight.
But last year, I had to be honest.
My health was being affected.
I was afraid of diabetes, heart issues, etc.
What was I teaching my children?

I reached out to my dear friend Liz.
She had been talking to be about Herbalife.
For awhile I said I couldn't afford it.
I finally knew, I couldn't afford to not do it.

The first thing I did was stop drinking soda.  
I had been drinking soda since I was 17 years old.
I started drinking only water.
After two weeks, I didn't miss it anymore.

To be continued....

Friday, May 20, 2016

My warrior

Dear Life,

Our family has been dealing with mental health concerns for four years.
Over time, the concerns have gotten increasingly worse.
Last fall, everything came to a head.
Our boy was lost, his mind sort of splintered.
He started showing signs of psychosis.....seeing and hearing things that did not exist.
Our family was devastated as we watched our boy hurting so much.
There was nothing we could do to change what he was going through.
He couldn't go to school.
He couldn't play basketball.
He couldn't leave the house.
Luckily, our boy had a team.
A large team of people that cared about him.
They all circled around him even though he was not present to realize they were there.
A family.
A team.
School support.
Church support.
His therapist.
His team.

Slowly he lifted his head.
Slowly he started responding.
He would take a few steps forward....
And a few steps back.
He started taking more steps forward 
And less steps back.

He still has work to do.
He still has a team behind him.
And he is learning to muscle through the hard days.

Today marks 15 days of school in a row.  
A couple of the days were rough.
But he pushed through.
He's been to practice and weights everyday.
He's playing basketball.


He is a warrior.
He is my hero.

Mental Health Awareness matters.
Be kind.
Be aware of others.
Be a friend.
Love can conquer anything.

Monday, March 28, 2016


Dear Life,

I am so very very thankful that I have a family, that I am surrounded by family, that I have friends that are family.
I am so blessed to have five amazing boys and one beautiful princess to care for on this earth.
I am beyond blessed to have this man with a heart of gold, with the patience of Job, and the strength of a thousand men as my eternal companion.
He and I have been through many things in our almost 22 years of marriage.
Through all of it all, our children have stuck together through thick and thin.  
Through the example of my dear Jensen Ohana, my mother in law and father in law, my kids have learned that family is EVERYTHING.

When we sent our Kekoa off to serve a 2 year mission for our church, we knew he would learn and grow.
We didn't know he would be teaching us at home, and giving his brother wise advice from afar as he battles mental health struggles.
Every week, Kekoa has sent an email encouraging our tall one, teaching him, and believing in him.
This week, we received a letter that he is struggling.
And my tall one wrote a letter back to him, telling him that last week he wanted to give up, but that mom talked him through.  He told him they could get it through it together. 
As each of them struggle in very different ways, they grow closer to each other, and closer to God.

I am so thankful that I have these boys who are teaching me. 
I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful for the love of a Heavenly Father and our Savior.