Hard days

Dear Life,

Today I had to take Kumaka to get a baseline MRI.  
Kumaka has had a ton of surgeries, and tests that required anesthesia.
I am here to say it never gets easier. 
My most unfavorite thing to do is to be there when the anesthesiologist puts the mask on him while I am still in the room.
Watching my baby sleep in an instant like that is unnatural and I don't like it one bit.
Having Kumaka being older and more aware makes things even harder.
He cried when his daddy gave him his blessing.
He was fine in the waiting room, but asked me what exactly they were doing.
I told him they were going to make him go to sleep, put an IV in, and then take pictures of his brain and spine.
He does not like getting an IV.
I can't blame him.
When I placed him on the MRI table, big crocodile tears started rolling down his cheeks. 
It made me so sad. 
The doctor put the mask on his face.
And he fell asleep crying.
And my heart broke.
Again.
Like it does every single time I leave him in the hands of doctors and anesthesiologists.
It's all necessary, and we've done it more times than we can count.
But it's never easy to put your baby in someone else's hands.
Thank heaven he's happy now.  
Food, a juice box, and his dad and he's a new boy.
Thankful more than ever for CHOC.
For a brand new wing where parents can sit comfortably and wait in peace while their children are undergoing surgery or procedures.
For the nurses who care for children like they are their own.
For the staff who understands when a mommy is sad for their child.