Wednesday, August 31, 2016

In one year...miracles have happened

Dear Life,

The emotions from last year to this year have changed drastically. 

Last year, our home was covered in a big dark cloud.
Kalani had been struggling for three years, as he was dealing with serious after affects from something he went through in seventh grade.  
He was unable to attend school for three years.
He became increasingly anxious, depressed, and unable to do daily things.
The most heartbreaking thing to watch was his inability to walk on the basketball court.  
His freshman year should have been exciting, his first year of high school basketball should have been fun.
We watched him deteriorate right before our eyes.  

Facebook and Instagram became a place of heartache for me.  
I saw everyone's posts of their children starting school, their shiny happy faces, the high school sports starting.
I watched my son doubled in half, not talking, covered in a blanket.
In unbelief, I listened to him tell me he was hearing voices that didn't exist; seeing people that weren't there.
I watched become someone else.
My heart broke in a million pieces as I watched my son become a shell of himself.
We attempted to watch the other freshman boys play basketball.
I cried in the bleachers as he couldn't even talk to them.

I would look at my son's pictures from when he was younger, and I would just wish we could go back to those times of innocence and joy.  
I missed hearing his shoes on the court, watching him play the game he loved.  
I was scared of this dark depression.
I was scared of this presence in our home that I couldn't see but he could actually see and hear.
I was scared I was going to lose him.

Through a whole year of help from his therapist, his coach, and the staff at his school, he climbed out of the darkness.
It didn't come free.  
He struggled, he cried, and he worked.  
He worked hard.  
Sometimes he went forward.  
Sometimes he went backwards.  
His coach reminded me often that it was a marathon, not a race.  
I had to cling to those words often.  
Every step backwards broke my heart again. 
He even told me a few times he wanted to quit basketball.  
I wondered if he would every play again.  

The love of his family and friends, the support from his coaches and teammates, (who have never once judged him, only supported him), the support from the school staff and his therapists brought him through this horrible year.

This month, I have witnessed a miracle.  
And today, Kalani went into school.


He's just another sophomore.

Who ran a marathon.

So grateful that Kawika made the decision to attend the same school as his big brother!
Best Brother Status!



  1. Just keep moving forward. Love that the brothers can share the school year together.

  2. I love your blog, your story and your outlook on life! You are truly inspirational Tracy.


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