I have learned something so very important over the last month or so. I have learned that I am not in charge. I am not the shot caller. I can't control the universe.
It took me eighteen years of motherhood to realize that. This whole time I thought my kids were MY kids. I used to think that it was my job to teach them...to guide and direct them...to mold them and that they would be these awesomely wonderfully successful people and they would go the route I directed them and life would be great. I was right in some aspects....it is my job to teach them and guide them. And of course they are awesome and wonderful no matter what. But guess what people? They get to make their own decisions...and they will or will not tell you all about their life...
AND LIFE GOES ON....for you and them.
But that's not even THE most important thing. As I was guiding and teaching and mothering....(good bad and ugly)...my son was growing up and learning his own voice. And his story once he became an adult is now out of my hands. He's actually out of everyone's hands. Well that's not entirely true. He is in God's hands. He always has been, and he always will be. I have heard whispers...that have strengthened that testimony. I know that my boy is learning, growing, and he will be ok. I know there will be heartaches...I don't know how much he will share with me....but even though he's across the ocean....God has got him....and he will be ok. I am so grateful to know this. And I am grateful that for a time I was able to be his world. I am grateful that God gave me the opportunity to take care of one of His children. (well really five of them)
I read this quote today...and it totally fit where I am at right now....
Time passes quickly. Many parents say that it's like
yesterday that their children were born. Now those
children are grown, perhaps with children of their
own. Where did the years go? they ask. We cannot
call back time that is past, we cannot stop time that
now is, and we cannot experience the future in our
present state. Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put
aside for the future but to use wisely in the present.
~Thomas S. Monson
I am going to spend my time treasuring my children now....before they go off on their own.