Thursday, November 12, 2015

A broken hearted mom

Dear Life,

I have been reflecting on the last 7 weeks.  The last seven weeks of hell.  Feels like it's been seven years.  
Seven weeks ago my son told me he saw a person.
A person no one else could see.
A person that was awful and horrible and scary.
And he felt crazy.
Then he started hearing voices.
And he felt crazier. 
And all of his hopes and dreams crashed.
When everyone else was posting pictures of school and football games,
our family was in a literal fight for his life.
When he should have been on the basketball court,
He was at home, afraid and alone, and not wanting to tell anyone what was going on in his head.

Watching my beautiful son, my amazing, loving, tender hearted child break was awful.
Knowing I couldn't fix it tore me up.
Watching his dreams slip through his fingers, and his hopes and his light drain from his eyes crushed me.

I knew nothing about this diagnosis.
It is a scary, ugly monster.
Thankfully, I am a fighter.
We know how to advocate and we know how to love.
We love him so much.

Thankfully, he is now  receiving the help he needs.  It will be a very long process and I'm sure there will be ups and downs.  When he feels like he has nothing he has us.  And he has God.  And hopefully, he has all of you.  


  1. Love to your sweet boy! He was blessed to be born in your family!

  2. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. Something similar happened to our oldest daughter when she was a teenager. Yes, it's heartbreaking. We got her help too!! Today, she is mom to two sweet boys and a college student. And, doing really well. I know how scary it is, we decided that spina bifida was a piece of cake compared to mental illness!! Hang in there. Your family will be in my prayers!! Hugs to you.

  3. He is blessed beyond words to have you and his support group. God loves him and will continue to fight for him. My cousin went through this as a young adult and as it devastated him, his God and family loved and fought for him everyday. Our God never stops fighting for us. I was reminded of this scripture as we walked this road with my cousin, "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 I can not tell you how many times I called upon our Lord prayed this over my cousin and my family. over and over and over. I will keep him in my prayers and request a prayer chain, his dreams are not squashed as the enemy would like us to believe, his mind is not the enemy's as he would like us to believe. he is a liar and your son is a precious child of God and he will win the fight.

  4. Oh Tracy! All my love and prayers!! <3


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