Why?

Dear Life,

Why do I go to church on Sunday? Why is sacrament meeting, sunday school, and Relief Society so important? Isn't there something I could be doing more important?

I go to church because I am a follower of Christ, and I am trying to do everything I can to be like him.  I attend three meetings that are one hour each for the same reason.  And today I was given a huge confirmation that there is NOTHING more important than those three hours on Sunday.

Our stake president challenged us to make Sacrament Meeting a personal uplifting and spiritual experience by going to church earlier, focus upon reverence and worship instead of conducting business and visiting.   As we arrived and sat down, I literally felt the spirit so strong just sitting there.  Everyone was quiet, the organist was playing hymns, and I was able to really reflect on the Jesus Christ, and what sacrament means.  I felt so peaceful, and really took in all of the moments during that hour.  It was amazing.

The lesson in Relief Society was about Adversity.  The lesson was from the Teachings of Howard. W. Hunter.  You can read the lesson here.  It's a really good lesson.  When I think about adversity, I think "I'm cool, I don't need any thing else to worry about".  Unfortunately, that is not how things work.

"We see many joys and sorrows in the world, many changed plans and new directions, many blessings that do not always look or feel like blessings, and much that humbles us and improves our patience and faith.  We have all had those experiences from time to time, and I suppose we always will..." 

I was really moved by the lesson.  The last few months has been really a daily struggle with the beast of adversity.  Dealing with Kalani's mental health issues is hard hard work...daily.  He's learning a new normal, and we are learning how to support him and guide him even when he has hard days.  Today was a hard day.  Mondays aren't easy.  For ANYONE!  But for people who deal day in and day out with anxiety and depression it's the beginning of the week of expectations.  You are expected to go to school, practice, work, etc.  Except thinking about everything you are supposed to do puts you in a tailspin.  And you don't understand WHY it's still hard.  WHY you're not better yet.  WHY you have to fight every day.  Mondays are typically the days my boy is mad.  And wants to give up.  Which means I have to fight harder for him.  And sometimes that means against him.  Because he can't sit at home, he HAS to get out and live life.  So....today was one of THOSE days.  And I got mad too.  Not at Kalani, just at having to fight.  At adversity.  It really is not very fun at all! 

Then I thought of the lesson yesterday.  I felt a degree of comfort and the anger dissipated a little. 

"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.  If not so, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness, nor misery, neither good nor bad".  (2 Nephi 2:11)

Then I received a letter from my missionary.  He had his ups and downs last week for sure.  And instead of me comforting him, he gave me advice.  His wisdom in his 18 years is amazing.  He sent me this picture.  

In the last two days I have been bombarded with this lesson. Ok God,  I get it.  Adversity is necessary.  And I can choose to be mad, sad, or whatever, or I can learn from it and move forward.  Move forward I will.  And so will my boy.  We will overcome this challenge.  

I need these lessons, I need to be fortified so that when my day goes south, I can pull up my pants and move forward.  I love this gospel.  I love Jesus Christ, and I know that through His sacrifice my son's mind will be whole again.