What? We're adopting? How?

Dear Life,

Adoption.  My husband and I always thought adoption was an amazing thing.  For other people.  We have five beautiful boys, and our plate is full.  Our oldest is eighteen and our youngest is almost six.  We have battled ADD with our oldest son and are currently on quite a journey with our youngest son who has Spina Bifida.  You can read about him HERE.  

When  we were in the beginning stages of this journey called Spina Bifida, we were often overwhelmed, and felt grateful that Kumaka came at the end of our little family because there were times we felt like we never would have had any other kids had he been first.  As he gets older, we have become wiser, we have learned to be patient, to deal with the fact that we are not in control of his health.  We have learned to roll with the punches.  Although we never ever like seeing our baby in pain or suffering in any way, there are times when we feel like we have been truly blessed because of Spina Bifida.

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We have seen miracles, we have met amazing people, and our little man brings us so much joy every single day.  His smile brightens even the gloomiest day.

 One day I asked my husband if he would ever consider adoption.  He looked at me and said of course.  I was a little surprised he so readily agreed that he would consider it.  Still, we never really thought we even qualified for being adoptive parents.  Hello, my husband is 52, we have five kids, and let’s face it….we are not wealthy people.  So yes, we both felt like it was something we would do, but it wasn’t something we felt we would be able to do.  One day I was looking at an agency, at some of the kiddos , and I thought I would just contact them and find out what the criteria was to adopt a little girl with Spina Bifida.  It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?  The agency was so nice, and the lady I spoke with sent me pictures of a few girls that had Spina Bifida.   (Here is where I confess this ISN’T the first time I had perused various websites,  saddened by these children in orphanages all over the world.)  As I clicked open to look at the pictures, one sweet little girl with huge brown eyes and brown hair stared out at me and I literally bawled. 

 I showed my husband her picture and he too fell in love.  When we looked at other websites, we felt saddened but never felt pulled like we were at that moment.  I emailed our contact person and asked what exactly the criteria were…and told her all of our “issues” (age, amount of kids, etc.).  After I listed my concerns, she told me that we still qualified.  We were over the moon excited…and terrified at once.  We felt very strongly that we were prompted to find this sweet girl.  We both feel like we have been blessed with knowledge, love, and the ability to help another child living with Spina Bifida live  life to the fullest.  We felt so strongly that although Spina Bifida is the hardest challenge our family has ever been through, it has also been a blessing in many ways.  How could we be so blessed and not help another child who just needs a family, love, and support?  The only way we can show Heavenly Father how grateful we are for His love, for the blessings He has given us is to help at least one of His children.  Kumaka was born into a family while Sofi was taken to the orphanage.   It is heartbreaking to think about these children wasting away…because in other countries children with disabilities are not considered worth living.  This sweet girl has the right to be loved, to have a forever family. She has the right to have the best medical care available to her.  She has the right to have five big brothers love her and adore her. Sofi hasn’t smiled yet, she hasn’t spoken yet and she’s three years old.  We decided we could help Sofi smile, we could be her forever family.

 We decided to go forward with the adoption.  We sent papers to the country in August…and every single day for a month we held our breath to see if the court would find us a worthy family…and allow us to be her parents.  They gave us the green light.   Now we are in the crazy busy fundraising madness.  It costs approximately $30,000 with travel fees.  We don’t have that kind of money lying around…so we are trying to be creative about raising money.  We have raised a little over $1000.  We look at each thousand as a goal.  We only have 30 goals.  We have met one.  So we are basically 1/30^th of the way done.  We have sent $700 to our agency for the initial paperwork fees.  We are now officially in the program.  Now we need to come up with $9000 to cover the various fees that come up while filing papers as well as pay for our Home Study.  Although it’s stressful to think about the money…and how we’re going to come up with it all, we have already seen miracles.  People have stepped up to become angels to help us bring home Sofi.  We have seen people donate money and we don’t even know who they are.  Our community has rallied behind our little Sofi.  An article was written on our local magazine, Fountain Valley Living, and three fundraisers have been planned, one of them being an $1800 diamond heart pendant that was CREATED for this event by one of the local jewelers to raffle off.  A dear friend who is a photographer is doing mini sessions next week and 100% of the proceeds are going towards Sofi’s adoption.  Who does that?  I am so in awe by the amount of people who have come together, and shown us LOVE.  That’s what the world needs to see more of….that is what will change the world.  We love Sofi, and we truly cannot wait to bring her home. 

Our boys are excited to have a sister (of course after their initial chagrin about the fact that she was a girl…they are so used to it being a boys world).  We talk about Sofi a lot, and we ask them questions all the time.  We asked Kumaka the other day where Sofi will sleep.  He said she will sleep in her bed…in his room. 

 Kumaka likes “sandwich” hugs.  I asked him where Sofi would be in the hug sandwich.  He said “I will be on this side by daddy, and she will be on that side by mommy, and then we make a sandwich”.  Adorable, right?   Kumaka told me he would teach her how to talk, and he would take her to physical therapy with him.  He told me he would take care of her when she has to go to the hospital.  I love the fact that he is so willing to take care of her. 

This journey will take a year, and I’m sure we will face challenges along the way.  But bringing home this sweet angel is well worth it.  Once she is here, we will have another set of challenges.  We know that we will be okay….that God has brought us here and He will be there for us throughout the journey. 

  

Being an advocate for your child

Dear Life,


As parents, sometimes you are forced into situations that you don't feel comfortable with.  I will say after 8 years of working with my oldest who has ADD with both IEP's and 504's I cringe when those acronyms come up.  My stomach starts to churn and I start to throw up in my mouth.  


Below is the definition of both terms and the subtle differences. 

IEP Defined

The Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) is a plan or program developed to ensure that a child who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives specialized instruction and related services.

504 Plan Defined

The 504 Plan is a plan developed to ensure that a child who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives accommodations that will ensure their academic success and access to the learning environment.

Subtle but Important Differences

Not all students who have disabilities require specialized instruction. For students with disabilities who do require specialized instruction, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) controls the procedural requirements, and an IEP is developed. The IDEA process is more involved than that of Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act and requires documentation of measurable growth. For students with disabilities who do not require specialized instruction but need the assurance that they will receive equal access to public education and services, a document is created to outline their specific accessibility requirements. Students with 504 Plans do not require specialized instruction, but, like the IEP, a 504 Plan should be updated annually to ensure that the student is receiving the most effective accommodations for his/her specific circumstances.

When I started this process I didn't know ANYTHING and I assumed (wrongly) that the teachers and district would look out for my son and keep his best interest at heart. 
I thought that I didn't have to or need to really research, read, and question the teachers and administrators. 
I didn't realize that I don't have to sign anything until I am completely satisfied that my child will be getting the services he or she needs.  
I also didn't realize until too late that once the child goes into high school there are way too many students with issues and the only person that is going to advocate for your child and communicate with everyone is YOU.  
Call me a helicopter parent if you will, but the squeaky wheel gets the oil.   
Something I learned from my son's doctor this week:  limited funds at the K-12 schools means the less you advocate the less you will get.  Once your child gets into college there is unlimited funds and no one uses them (because the students don't advocate for themselves.)  
Don't listen to anyone...your child CAN be successful.  I had a doctor tell my son to his face that he would never get into the college he wanted to get into.  That changed my boy....he lost a lot of faith in himself after that.   


I have a whole lot of IEP's and 504's ahead of me...I have learned a few more things that I will share next time.  


Sorry for all of you folks who don't have kids or the need for this conversation.  I wish I could just talk about how to grow out my hair and which nail polish I want to wear...it would be WAY more fun! :)

Ability

Dear Life,

I've learned some things about disabilities.
Like when you can't walk on your own...
you may need braces....
or a walker....
or you may need a wheelchair to get around.

Or when you can't see very well....
You need glasses.
When you can't hear...
You get a hearing aid.

But something is really making my mind spin right now...
When you have challenges learning....
When you can't concentrate...
When organization is not your forte...
What tools can you use to be successful in the classroom?

How do you teach a child to work independently....
How do you teach your child to keep his work for a month...in order....complete....and turn it in...
     when he forgets to take out the trash?
How do you teach your child that although he has a learning disability he still has ABILITY....


Don't forget about the GIVEAWAY