What? We're adopting? How?

Dear Life,

Adoption.  My husband and I always thought adoption was an amazing thing.  For other people.  We have five beautiful boys, and our plate is full.  Our oldest is eighteen and our youngest is almost six.  We have battled ADD with our oldest son and are currently on quite a journey with our youngest son who has Spina Bifida.  You can read about him HERE.  

When  we were in the beginning stages of this journey called Spina Bifida, we were often overwhelmed, and felt grateful that Kumaka came at the end of our little family because there were times we felt like we never would have had any other kids had he been first.  As he gets older, we have become wiser, we have learned to be patient, to deal with the fact that we are not in control of his health.  We have learned to roll with the punches.  Although we never ever like seeing our baby in pain or suffering in any way, there are times when we feel like we have been truly blessed because of Spina Bifida.

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We have seen miracles, we have met amazing people, and our little man brings us so much joy every single day.  His smile brightens even the gloomiest day.

 One day I asked my husband if he would ever consider adoption.  He looked at me and said of course.  I was a little surprised he so readily agreed that he would consider it.  Still, we never really thought we even qualified for being adoptive parents.  Hello, my husband is 52, we have five kids, and let’s face it….we are not wealthy people.  So yes, we both felt like it was something we would do, but it wasn’t something we felt we would be able to do.  One day I was looking at an agency, at some of the kiddos , and I thought I would just contact them and find out what the criteria was to adopt a little girl with Spina Bifida.  It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?  The agency was so nice, and the lady I spoke with sent me pictures of a few girls that had Spina Bifida.   (Here is where I confess this ISN’T the first time I had perused various websites,  saddened by these children in orphanages all over the world.)  As I clicked open to look at the pictures, one sweet little girl with huge brown eyes and brown hair stared out at me and I literally bawled. 

 I showed my husband her picture and he too fell in love.  When we looked at other websites, we felt saddened but never felt pulled like we were at that moment.  I emailed our contact person and asked what exactly the criteria were…and told her all of our “issues” (age, amount of kids, etc.).  After I listed my concerns, she told me that we still qualified.  We were over the moon excited…and terrified at once.  We felt very strongly that we were prompted to find this sweet girl.  We both feel like we have been blessed with knowledge, love, and the ability to help another child living with Spina Bifida live  life to the fullest.  We felt so strongly that although Spina Bifida is the hardest challenge our family has ever been through, it has also been a blessing in many ways.  How could we be so blessed and not help another child who just needs a family, love, and support?  The only way we can show Heavenly Father how grateful we are for His love, for the blessings He has given us is to help at least one of His children.  Kumaka was born into a family while Sofi was taken to the orphanage.   It is heartbreaking to think about these children wasting away…because in other countries children with disabilities are not considered worth living.  This sweet girl has the right to be loved, to have a forever family. She has the right to have the best medical care available to her.  She has the right to have five big brothers love her and adore her. Sofi hasn’t smiled yet, she hasn’t spoken yet and she’s three years old.  We decided we could help Sofi smile, we could be her forever family.

 We decided to go forward with the adoption.  We sent papers to the country in August…and every single day for a month we held our breath to see if the court would find us a worthy family…and allow us to be her parents.  They gave us the green light.   Now we are in the crazy busy fundraising madness.  It costs approximately $30,000 with travel fees.  We don’t have that kind of money lying around…so we are trying to be creative about raising money.  We have raised a little over $1000.  We look at each thousand as a goal.  We only have 30 goals.  We have met one.  So we are basically 1/30^th of the way done.  We have sent $700 to our agency for the initial paperwork fees.  We are now officially in the program.  Now we need to come up with $9000 to cover the various fees that come up while filing papers as well as pay for our Home Study.  Although it’s stressful to think about the money…and how we’re going to come up with it all, we have already seen miracles.  People have stepped up to become angels to help us bring home Sofi.  We have seen people donate money and we don’t even know who they are.  Our community has rallied behind our little Sofi.  An article was written on our local magazine, Fountain Valley Living, and three fundraisers have been planned, one of them being an $1800 diamond heart pendant that was CREATED for this event by one of the local jewelers to raffle off.  A dear friend who is a photographer is doing mini sessions next week and 100% of the proceeds are going towards Sofi’s adoption.  Who does that?  I am so in awe by the amount of people who have come together, and shown us LOVE.  That’s what the world needs to see more of….that is what will change the world.  We love Sofi, and we truly cannot wait to bring her home. 

Our boys are excited to have a sister (of course after their initial chagrin about the fact that she was a girl…they are so used to it being a boys world).  We talk about Sofi a lot, and we ask them questions all the time.  We asked Kumaka the other day where Sofi will sleep.  He said she will sleep in her bed…in his room. 

 Kumaka likes “sandwich” hugs.  I asked him where Sofi would be in the hug sandwich.  He said “I will be on this side by daddy, and she will be on that side by mommy, and then we make a sandwich”.  Adorable, right?   Kumaka told me he would teach her how to talk, and he would take her to physical therapy with him.  He told me he would take care of her when she has to go to the hospital.  I love the fact that he is so willing to take care of her. 

This journey will take a year, and I’m sure we will face challenges along the way.  But bringing home this sweet angel is well worth it.  Once she is here, we will have another set of challenges.  We know that we will be okay….that God has brought us here and He will be there for us throughout the journey. 

  

Welcome to Holland...and beyond

Dear Life,


I was given this letter from a doctor when we found out about Kumaka's diagnosis in utero.





by Emily Perl Kingsley

©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. 

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.  It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy.  You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum.  The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

via

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!  I'm supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan.  They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place.  It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.  But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever  go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Below is our family's travelogue...

I was told I wasn't going to Italy as I was flying. I didn't enjoy my flight after 

that,and  I dreaded the landing. I was scared, and I was angry that I didn't get 

to go where I wanted to go. I was envious of those that were happily getting off

the plane and jet-setting through Italy having the time of their lives. Once I

landed though, I looked around and realized I could find beauty in this place.

It was not glamorous by any means, but I quickly learned that who I was with 

was more important than  where I was. I learned the language and found all

the secret roads to get  around easier. I met amazing local people who guided 

me on my way and I met amazing people getting off the plane when I did. Our 

families have toured Holland together, and done many of the same things. 

When I get lost, I look for these dear friends to guide me back to where I 

belong. I found a strength in myself and my family in Holland that Italy 

never would have given us. I found beauty, grace, and knowledge. I found an

inner peace I didn't know existed and when I was afraid of the unknown in 

Holland, I found a stronger relationship with God. Italy still sounds like fun, 

but I have found resilience in Holland, and that is something I will always be 

grateful for. I have moments of longing for Italy, but I love that I am 

vacationing in a very special place that not every person is chosen for. I am 

grateful for Holland and I wouldn't change the plane's path. Don't be afraid of 

Holland....embrace it!


Tracy

Talents

Dear Life,


As I was growing up I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.  
I flitted from job to job.

I never did become proficient at one thing.  
I feel like I have an obligation to help my boys find their "thing".
I believe that we all have gifts or talents.  
It's up to us to discover them and grow them.
I have always felt that for someone to be happy in their career they need to find what they love and do it.
So I feel compelled as the mother of boys to help them develop their gifts and talents.
Not everybody has gifts or talents that are glaring.  
Not everyone has a love for something so apparent you know what they are going to do. 
 Each and every one of my kids are so different.
I have one that is very very talented; has an amazing ear for music. 
I have one that is brilliantly smart; too smart for his own britches.
I have one very athletic boy.  He knows what he wants and he's 11.
I have one that loves drama and theater.
And I have one that I know will do whatever he wants to do.
I feel a small bit of pressure to make sure my kids find out what they are going to be great at.
Am I crazy?
Do any of you feel that way?
Are we supposed to let our kids bumble through it until they end up with whatever they end up with?
Anyone want to share thoughts?

The clock is ticking...

Dear life,


Have you ever wished you could turn back time?

Most of the time I realize the futility of that thought.  Except for recently.


I realized something that is ROCKING my WORLD right now.


My life is getting ready to change 

DRASTICALLY.

It will continue to change every year from here on out. 


In four short months this boy









will be moving out....to another state....on an island....6 hours from me. 

Oldest and youngest.....

I have come to terms with that the best that I can.  I will miss this funny boy terribly (even if he doesn't believe it...it's true).

But what has thrown me for a loop is that in three years this boy will leave me for college destination unknown.

And then in three years from that this boy will leave me.

And in two years from that this boy will leave.

And then I will have to face the fact that at some point this one will leave me.

I just remember when each boy was born and I would anticipate each new milestone. Eagerly awaiting a first smile, a first standing moment, a first time walking.  I've gone from checking off milestones happily to wishing I could hang on to the hands of the clock for dear life.....because those days are going away.  

These innocent days of summer fun are going to be one child less fun.  

It's a strange time.  It's not something you can ever prepare for.  It makes me wish I kissed them more when they were smaller....

wished I got out and played with them more often....

wished I yelled less and listened more.  

Of course I still have time....

But the clock is ticking.

The men in my life

Dear Life,


Have I introduced you to the men in my life?  It's about time I think.....


Let me preface this by saying how very blessed I feel having so many fabulous men in my life.  Growing up, I didn't have very many boyfriends, and I come from a family of girls.  (Two sisters and one girl cousin on my mom's side.)  So I am feeling very protected and loved by the amount of strong men around me.  I could live without the testosterone, wrestling and fighting that goes on.  The holes in the walls are not so awesome either. But at this point I am thinking God knew I probably wouldn't do too well with everything that goes along with a girl.  I would LOVE to have a girl to play with, dress up, and all of that.  But it's not to be....and I have come to terms with it.  But all of my friends with girls watch out...I am totally in the process of matching up my boys so I can pick my fabulous daughter in laws.  (Just kidding...sort of)


Anyway...back to my boys....


First and foremost...my sweetheart....

He's amazing, loving, sweet, giving, and a great father.  I thank God every single moment for Stuart.

And then there's this handsome kid.  Keoni.....my almost grown up...moving to Hawaii....Eagle Scout....future film maker.  He's an amazing kid....I'm happy to see him grow and get to see some really cool things in his life...but I'm sad he's leaving us.  It's hard to see your kids sprout their wings and fly away.

Here's Kekoa...my future lawyer.  This kid can talk his way out of a paper bag.  One time he got so mad at us he wrote out a letter pointing out every reason we were wrong.  Pretty hilarious.  He's a sweet guy and really cares about others.  He's also a budding surfer and knows how to be quite a dashing dresser.  Love his smile....it melts my heart!







Here is my Mr. Tenderheart Kalani.  He has been a total nurturing sweet boy from birth.  He's always the first to hold a baby, help with a toddler, and hang out with his little brother.  He's  quite the athlete....and has big dreams.  He loves basketball....wants to play for Duke University and of course he wants to be a Laker!  Isn't he dreamy?

Hilarious?  Yup...that's our Kawika.  He wants to be an actor, a hip hop dancer, and possibly a football player.  He's fierce...and sweet all rolled up in one little boy.  He gives us a run for our money....he's all boy and all play all the time.  His laugh is hilarious....makes you crack up!  

This is Kumaka.  Sunshine in  a boy.  He's more than we bargained for in many many ways, but we wouldn't trade any of it.  He's the reason our family knows there are miracles...and he shares his sweet spirit with anyone in a mile's radius.  And of course right now he's in a giant green cast.

I never would have guessed in a million years that this:

Would end up with this:

Blessed....yes....

Slightly crazy..... definitely!

Wouldn't change a thing....for sure!

Buzz got jacked

Dear Life,

Today I had to go to the mall to get a refund. I had my cute little Kumaka with me. He lives the Disney Store. I promised we could check it out after I was done at Game Stop ( which is a whole different post....let's just say not a fan!!!). As I was finishing up I notice he's gone. It shouldn't be that hard to keep track of a four year old in a wheelchair right????? Wrong!!!! I went out of the store and a lady told me he went to the Disney Store. I should have known. I ran back inside GameStop to finish.... And in comes Kumaka with a Buzz Lightyear in his lap. Yea....my four year old is a criminal. I took him back over there, replaced it and explained why we don't take things without paying. Fun times today at the mall. He cracks me up.

From...a Mom of Boys!!

When my life began

Dear Life,

Thank you.  Thank you for bringing this man into my life.

Before Stuart, my life was a little crazy and out of control.  And lonely.  Stuart became my best friend, we confided in each other and started talking every day.  But when he took me to my favorite place....

And bought me a balloon and a pretzel....I fell in love.

Magic must have been in the air.  We became an official couple.

We lived an hour from each other, so we talked on the phone a lot....and we spent every weekend together.  I moved out of the town I grew up in and into Orange County.

I have never felt so much love in my life...until I found out we were expecting a little boy.  Life got exciting after that...

We had our first baby boy in 1994, we got married in 1994, and life just took off after that!
Fast forward to now...

A few more boys, a few more crows feet around my eyes....but an even bigger smile and a heart full of joy.  I never ever imagined that I would meet such an amazing man.

I never imagined I would be the mother of five amazing boys...

I am truly blessed....so thankful for this man....who brought a light into my life.  I wonder if he knew what he was getting into???

Thanks.....From a Mom of Boys!!!!

Modern Medicine amazes me

Dear Life,

I have to thank you right now for modern medicine....and the continued advancements being made.  Because of a yearly mammogram (have you had yours done yet?) three weeks ago, my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  They told her she had a very small lump.

She saw the specialist, who told her it was stage one.  All of her health care professionals are amazed they found it....it was that small.  Yesterday, she had outpatient surgery, they took out the lump and she went home virtually painlessly.  The prep was more of a pain than the procedure.  Thank you modern medicine for making things so easy.  The reason it was so small is because she has yearly mammograms.  (Guess I need to make my appointment...just turned forty after all!)

The other reason modern medicine amazes me is because I have a son with Spina Bifida.  He is four and he is amazing!  Isn't he cute?  You can learn more about him here:  www.caringbridge.org/visit/kumakajensen
Without a shunt to redirect the excessive fluid in his brain he probably wouldn't be here.  Without a surgery at birth to close the lesion on his back he definitely wouldn't be here.

I am so grateful to those scientists and doctors who are smart enough to make discoveries, to find cures, to create surgeries and procedures to correct things and make life easier...and possible.  Sometimes I get mad at doctors because I don't like what they have to say.  But the good ones, the ones who care, they rock my world!  Thank you life, for giving us these amazing people.  They make life better daily!

From.....A Mom of Boys!!