What I've learned

Dear Life,


I have learned something so very important over the last month or so.  I have learned that I am not in charge.  I am not the shot caller.  I can't control the universe.  

WHAT???? 


It took me eighteen years of motherhood to realize that.  This whole time I thought my kids were MY kids.  I used to think that it was my job to teach them...to guide and direct them...to mold them and that they would be these awesomely wonderfully successful people and they would go the route I directed them and life would be great.  I was right in some aspects....it is my job to teach them and guide them.  And of course they are awesome and wonderful no matter what.  But guess what people? They get to make their own decisions...and they will or will not tell you all about their life...


AND LIFE GOES ON....for you and them.


WHAT????


But that's not even THE most important thing.  As I was guiding and teaching and mothering....(good bad and ugly)...my son was growing up and learning his own voice.  And his story once he became an adult is now out of my hands.  He's actually out of everyone's hands.  Well that's not entirely true.  He is in God's hands.  He always has been, and he always will be.  I have heard whispers...that have strengthened that testimony.  I know that my boy is learning, growing, and he will be ok.  I know there will be heartaches...I don't know how much he will share with me....but even though he's across the ocean....God has got him....and he will be ok.  I am so grateful to know this.  And I am grateful that for a time I was able to be his world.  I am grateful that God gave me the opportunity to take care of one of His children.  (well really five of them)  


I read this quote today...and it totally fit where I am at right now....


Time passes quickly. Many parents say that it's like


 yesterday that their children were born. Now those


 children are grown, perhaps with children of their 


own. Where did the years go? they ask. We cannot 


call back time that is past, we cannot stop time that 


now is, and we cannot experience the future in our 


present state. Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put 


aside for the future but to use wisely in the present.  

~Thomas S. Monson

I am going to spend my time treasuring my children now....before they go off on their own.

The clock is ticking...

Dear life,


Have you ever wished you could turn back time?

Most of the time I realize the futility of that thought.  Except for recently.


I realized something that is ROCKING my WORLD right now.


My life is getting ready to change 

DRASTICALLY.

It will continue to change every year from here on out. 


In four short months this boy









will be moving out....to another state....on an island....6 hours from me. 

Oldest and youngest.....

I have come to terms with that the best that I can.  I will miss this funny boy terribly (even if he doesn't believe it...it's true).

But what has thrown me for a loop is that in three years this boy will leave me for college destination unknown.

And then in three years from that this boy will leave me.

And in two years from that this boy will leave.

And then I will have to face the fact that at some point this one will leave me.

I just remember when each boy was born and I would anticipate each new milestone. Eagerly awaiting a first smile, a first standing moment, a first time walking.  I've gone from checking off milestones happily to wishing I could hang on to the hands of the clock for dear life.....because those days are going away.  

These innocent days of summer fun are going to be one child less fun.  

It's a strange time.  It's not something you can ever prepare for.  It makes me wish I kissed them more when they were smaller....

wished I got out and played with them more often....

wished I yelled less and listened more.  

Of course I still have time....

But the clock is ticking.

My treasure

Dear Life,

It's coming.  I'm happy about it and so proud.  But I'm also sad to see that the time has come and is going quicker than I can blink an eye.  This:

is now this:

I used to be his world and he was my Disneyland buddy:

Now I'm not the center of his universe anymore and when we go to Disneyland together he goes his way and I go mine:

My baby is graduating High School in June and then we are taking him to Hawaii for school.

Time flies......treasure each moment.  Treasure the joy they bring....treasure the voyage...and remember the happiness when dealing with the difficult.  Because just when the difficult starts getting easy....your treasure leaves you.  And your memories are what you will be left with.  

I hope he remembers to call, text or facebook his dear mom.  

From....A Mom of Boys...who's hoping THIS gets easier!