Free Agency

Dear Life,

When you think of free agency, what comes to mind?
As a Latter Day Saint, we have been taught this principle:

Agency, or the ability to choose, is one of God’s greatest gifts to His children.
Our eternal progression depends on how we use this gift. 
We must choose whether to follow Jesus Christ or follow Satan.

We teach our children right from wrong daily. 
Always tell the truth, don't steal, be kind, don't pull your sister's hair, etc. 
Our children learn there are consequences if they do not make good choices. 
Don't do your homework, you will get a bad grade and probably lose screen time. 
Give mom sass when asked to do something and you will probably gain extra chores. 

But we don't always teach our kids how to deal with the after effects of someone else's bad choice if it affects them directly. 
If someone drives under the influence and crashes into you, you have to deal with that, but it can make you angry. 
It wasn't your choice that put you there. 

I have been thinking a lot about my son, and the suffering he has faced for years because of the choices of another. 
How do we deal with this?
How do I teach him forgiveness, to move forward, when I am angry?
I mean I'm really angry. 
This person robbed my son of 4  years of his life. 
My boy's life will be altered forever. 
All because of someone else's agency. 

Then I think about God. 
He gave us the gift of agency. 
He probably wishes he could tap us on the shoulder when we are about to do something wrong and say " are you sure you want to do that?"
He loves us, and wants us to be happy. 
So why do bad things happen. 
Why does my son have to suffer. 
All I can think of is what I have been taught. 
As we teach our family the principles of the gospel, we can fall back on them to deal with difficult challenges. 
We can pray, often, read the words written in the scriptures, we can read talks from our leaders, we can forgive. 
We can love each other. 
And we can fight battles together. 

I wish my son never walked home that day long ago. 
I wish he would have been receptive to getting help earlier. 
All we can do now is be there for him, and rely on our God, and find comfort in His loving arms. 
We can learn to forgive, so that our son can forgive. 
We can take this awful experience and grow, get stronger, and become more refined. 


As victims, if we are faithful, we can take great comfort in knowing that God will compensate us for every injustice we experience. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin stated: “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. … Every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”

(The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness
By Elder Kevin R. Duncan
Of the Seventy
April 2016 Conference)

Kindness

Dear Life,

We've all heard that our challenges in life are to teach us something right?  Patience, forgiveness, etc.  While both of those are something I need to work on, I've discovered recently that I need to focus at least right now on kindness.

Kind: of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person: a kind and loving person.


I bet you're wondering where this came from.  If you know me, you know I can be a kind and loving person.  


I do my very best to be kind.  But at this moment in time I mean a little something different.   


When I found out about Kumaka's disability, I was 19 weeks pregnant.  It was devastating to


 say the least.  I turned inward, and I will admit I was angry.  Very angry.  Not at God.  Not 


at my baby.  I was angry at all the other mother's who were pregnant with healthy babies.


  Isn't that ridiculous?  I wasn't just a little angry, I was a lot angry.  I thought these mothers


 were so silly for saying when asked if they wanted a boy or a girl  "As long as the baby is 


healthy".  Hmmmmm.....what happens if that isn't the case I wanted to ask them?  I never 


did, though.  I steered clear of the healthy, head in the clouds, mommies 


to be and stayed in my little dark cloud of doom and scariness.  

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I wish I could say that attitude of mine has gone away completely.  It has to some degree as 


I have come to terms with the fact that everyone has challenges; not everyone has health 


challenges;  not everyone has financial challenges; not everyone has marriage challenges.  I 


have learned to understand that everyone is not going to understand my life, my child, my


 battles.  But I need to be KIND nevertheless.  I cannot force people to understand our 


life, and I cannot force people to see my son for what he is.  I can only be the best person 


I can be.  I can have love and compassion and kindness for others.  I can


 have empathy for others trials even if I think they are trivial or small.  I can understand 


that although it is my job to fight for my son it is not my job to fight everyone.  I need to 


discover the art of fighting only when necessary.  I've had to do some serious fighting and


 Kumaka is only five...and I think I have gotten a little hardened.  I need to soften my heart


 and be kind and compassionate.  When I talk to God tonight, I will ask for His help to


 develop these traits, and only then will I be successful.

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Do you have anything you are working on to better who you are to others ?

From... A Mom of Boys!!!

A Proud Moment....and then a sad boy :(

Dear Life,

Thank you for today.  Today was an amazingly wonderful day.  The very first memory that I never want to forget is that of my four year old hearing me blast music so I can clean my house and racing to me wanting to dance.  I of course put out my arms, he slipped his adorable little arms around my neck and we danced cheek to cheek.  There is always housework....there will not always be sweet little arms around my neck.

I don't ever ever want to forget how fast he scurried when he heard the music....as he climbed up in my lap I thought...well there goes the laundry....and the joy when cheek to cheek we moved back and forth to the music.  He is my baby....what I wouldn't do to keep him small.

The second thing that was amazingly wonderful was...drumroll please.....after 7 years of scouting, our oldest son is officially an Eagle Scout.  What an honor and privilege it is to say that.  I am so proud of him...it is a very long road to haul and he has had his moments of ambivalence towards it.  The men on the board that interviewed him were so kind, and said really amazing things about him.  I hope he realizes what an amazing young man he is and what an amazing accomplishment this is.  Yay Keoni!

The sad part is that my freshman sang in his first choir perfomance....and we were unable to attend....because of the Board of Review.  He came home devastated.  Which put a damper on the good mood we were feeling.  I thought he understood....but he didn't.  And mama angst was going full force.  But a little later he came to me and we talked.  I apologized and told him how much I wanted to be there and if it wasn't such a monumental event I would have been there.  He forgave me....after much pleading and begging.  Oh yeah....and I promised him a one on one date.  So, thanks life for such an amazing day.  And thanks for the principle of forgiveness and the promise of a date with my boy.