Friday, May 3, 2013

The If Only Trap

Dear Life,

How many times do we say these things:

If only I was a better wife, 
my house would run meals would be on time (and cooked by me always)....the laundry would be done always...the house would always be clean....AND all of those things would happen after I took the time to blow dry my hair and put on make up.

If only I was a better mother, 
my kids would get amazing grades all the time....they wouldn't question themselves....they wouldn't question the gospel....they would be going to amazing colleges....we would go on adventures every week...they would never fight....ever.

If only I was a better friend,
I wouldn't forget birthdays... I would call them more often...I would send little thinking of you notes once in awhile...I would not get so wrapped up in my world that I forget who has always been there for me.

If only I was a better sister in the gospel,
I would serve others more...I would make meals for others...I would reach out to newcomers more...I would go to more activities.

If only I was a better... 

Do you see where this is going?  I could always compare myself to someone else and think "If only I...".  That is a trap that so many of us get into.  We see other families going through life "perfectly"...having dinner at 5 every night....having a perfectly clean house....having family night every week...having prayer every night...their children going to college...their children going on missions....but we don't see what's going on in their homes.  We don't see their personal struggles.  We see what they want us to see.    Sometimes we feel like our struggles, our pain, our weaknesses are on display.  But when do we cut ourselves some slack?  When do we love ourselves enough to say ENOUGH.  When do we look at our very own circumstances and say "I am doing all I can right now" and have it be enough.  That family that I may be comparing my own family to may have two children...may have younger children and not be in the wacky world of teenagers...that family may not have every had to deal with a chronically ill child.  Every single family has it's own challenges...has it's own strengths.  Today I am choosing to focus on our families strengths.  We are enough.  

I love my husband to the ends of the world.  I love my children to the moon and back.  I love my friends.  And I am doing the best I can at this moment.  And at night, I kneel to God, and ask for His grace, His love, and the peace only He can give.  

How grateful I am to have the knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and I love Him.  How grateful I am for the Savior, and his sacrifice so that I can ask for forgiveness when I mess up.  How grateful I am to be married to the most patient man I have ever met (and he's pretty dang hot).  How grateful I am to be the mother of five amazing, wonderful, crazy boys.  How grateful I am to have an amazing sister who is patient with me...and is always supportive of our family.  How grateful I am to have amazing friends who believe in me and remind me that I live a different life than most...she reminded me that I have to focus my time on the health of one of my children...which has affected our family differently than others. Not worse...just different.  How grateful I am for Sofi...for this amazing crazy experience we have been going through in bringing one of His children into a forever family.  

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