Dear Doctors....

Dear Life,


Have you ever thought to yourself... 
"well...this is NOT what I thought my life would be when I was a little girl having big dreams"?
I don't ever question why me...why my family...but I do question how.
How.
HOW.
How do I deal with all of these medical issues?  How do I protect my children? How do I make everyone happy?  How do I help my boys become amazing men?


Right now...I don't know HOW to help my baby boy.  I have trusted doctors for six years.  From the time I was pregnant to now.  There have been times I have had to fight.  HARD.  I'm okay with that.  But ever since my boy had hip surgery, life has been hard for him.  He's had to be way less active...since February.  And then...as soon as the first cast came off he broke his leg.  He is now out of the cast...but his leg is not fixed.  And I'm  not sure what the right thing is to do.  So here is my letter...to the doctors that care for my child.


Dear doctors....


Do you realize how hard it is to put my baby's life in your hands?

Before he was even born, I was told to trust you.  I was told I would have to allow you to operate on my baby the day of his birth.  I would rather have ripped out my own heart.  
How do I give you my newborn?

I never held him.  And I had to trust that nothing bad would happen.  And I had to say goodbye....

The. Absolute. Hardest. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Done.  EVER.


Since then, I have had to trust so many of you, and sometimes you have been wrong.  I am a mom.  I am not a nurse.  I am not even a college graduate.  But I have had to learn a lot over the last five years.  With each new problem, I have to learn more things.  We have come across something now that is breaking my heart.  My son is now not able to be as active as he used to be.  And I don't know if he will ever regain that function.  
Why can't you fix it?
How did this happen?
How long will this go on?
Please, I implore you, fix his legs.  
Give him his mobility back.
Don't tell me that we have to wait and see.
Don't tell me you're not sure.
What if it was your child?
What would you do then?
Would you work tirelessly until you solved the problem?
Please...solve this problem.


There have been some who treat my son like he was their own.
For that I am grateful.
Those doctors give me hope.




Sincerely,


A very sad mom


I am so thankful at this time for a few things.  
I am thankful for my faith.
I KNOW that God has a plan...and that my boy is in His hands.
(although that does not always make it easy...)
I am grateful for the strong shoulders my husband has.  He is always there for me... he is my rock.
I am grateful for my children...and their patience when I lose my mind.
I am grateful for my friends and family...who always keep my baby in their hearts, prayers, and thoughts.

Going to stick my head under the covers...

Dear Life,

Today was one of those days...I'm going to stick my head under the covers....
And Pray that tomorrow is better.

Ok...it wasn't all bad.  I got to have a delicious breakfast with one of my dear friends to celebrate my birthday.  I got to snuggle with my little guy this afternoon.

 My kids did their homework today.

BUT....I started getting sick today.  WHICH STINKS.

And my sweet little boy who just happens to use a wheelchair full time told me very matter of factly "I am going to walk when I get bigger Mom!"  He's almost five...and he can't bear his own weight.  And the likelihood isn't great that he will walk.  And I am ok with that....I'm just not sure how to explain all of it to him.  I don't have to yet....but that time is coming.  So I'm going to stick my head under the covers....and wish I didn't have to.  Hey, a girl can live in denial once in awhile right?

From....A Mom of Boys!