Beautifully messy

Dear Life, 

Today, as we all started getting ready for church at 8:00 am (for 11:00 church) I was thinking "Yes! I got this. My daughter just got out of the hospital, and now I have to fit in not only feeding her by mouth, but feeding her via GTube as well, but we will get to church and on time!"  Kids started showering and getting ready as I first fed then did Sofis "Tubie" feeding. Time marched on but I knew we could do it. Sofi finished, I cleaned out the tubing, put water in it for her fluid hour at church, then got the princess ready. She was so cute in her denim dress, white tights with black hearts and black boots. Did her hair, put in a bow, then looked at the clock. I had 30 minutes before church started. Did I tell you we try to get there 20 minutes before so my husband can do his ushering calling and we can get seats? Yeah, enter stress. I took the fastest shower ever, picked out an outfit, and as I was putting makeup on as fast as humanly possible so I didn't scare anyone, one of my lovely boys told me to hurry up we had to go. I told him as nicely as I could that if I didn't put some makeup on my face I would scare everyone and they would leave church.  I hurried faster, put my shoes on as I ran out and off we went with four minutes to spare. By the time we walked in, church had just started. We made a commotion, what with the bright green wheelchair and big stroller and all, and then getting everyone situated. Finally, we took a breath and prepared to be spiritually fed. Once again I was feeling pretty good about myself. I hooked Sofi up to get her water over the hour long sacrament meeting and sat back and rocked her while listening. And then.....Tubie unhooked and I felt liquid on my skirt. Yeah.... Formula started pouring out of Tubie. Whispers of "clamp it.... Hurry up...it's everywhere" could be heard. I realized then that I do not have it together. And then I gave myself some grace. I was where I needed desperately to be. My children were where they needed to be. My baby is getting healthier every day (even if I get messier)  and I got to hear my son receive a beautiful setting apart in the third hour for his new calling. 

Today was great. As I reflect I realize just how beautifully messy life is. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

The gift of life

Dear Life,

Today I feel prompted to talk about something that is a little sensitive. The topic is life...the gift of life.  It's a hot topic...people are very passionate about their position.  I don't want to take away someone else's opinion....just share mine and why I feel so strongly about it.

I want to talk about how a woman feels when she is pregnant....and has happily carried that baby to second trimester....and is waiting to find out if they are having a boy or a girl.  It's an exciting time...you may or may not have bought some clothes....if it's your first child you may have started putting the baby's room together.  Everyone in your life knows you are having a baby.  And then it happens.  You go to your ultrasound....grasping your husband's hand excitedly....and suddenly there's a knot in your stomach as you watch the tech's face drop...or the doctor doesn't talk for awhile as he's looking at the ultrasound pictures.  Suddenly the happy, beautiful, sunshine day has turned dark, dreary and so very sad.  You are told your child has Spina Bifida.  You are blown away.  You don't even know what that means.  You  cry and you ask what it all means.  You are told things like: your child might not walk, might be cognitively delayed, might have bowel and bladder problems, might have brain damage, might not live.  You are told that your child will not live a productive life.  You are told you have a small window to terminate your pregnancy.  In our case we were 19 weeks pregnant.  Almost half our pregnancy.  When you see ultrasound pictures, the "fetus" looks like a baby.  In your heart this is a baby.  And how do you process all of the doom and gloom the doctors tell you?  How do you figure out which path to take when someone from the medical field that you trust tells you it's okay to terminate your pregnancy?  When you are told worst cast scenarios, but in reality the doctor can't tell you exactly what to expect until the child is born.  How can we think about doing something so permanent to a child who has no voice?  Aren't we, as parents, supposed to be their voice from the very beginning?  And shouldn't the medical field support that notion?  No one told us that our child would have such a sparkly personality....that he would have the strongest disposition and not let anything stop him....no one told us that he would melt our hearts every day.  Why?  Because they can't....but they also can't determine what kind of challenges the child will have from an ultrasound. So what does a parent do with that?  Where do they turn?  Who do they trust?  They go to the internet....they search day and night...for hope...for a sign of joy in a scary land.  If they are lucky, they will find some pretty amazing parents who are willing to share their life with them to give them the strength to go through the hardest thing they have ever been through.  If they are lucky they see some pretty amazing children LIVE.  And if they are lucky....they realize that life is a gift...and just because their child has a diagnosis....it doesn't mean that is who they are.  All of the children I know that have Spina Bifida are first and foremost children.  They are people....they do amazing things...yes...some things take longer for them....or maybe they won't do some things that other kids do....but that is just a small part of who they are.  They have smiles that brighten a room....they have strength that you never thought a child could have....they are the hardest workers...and they love their life.  Their life is a gift.



 I feel so blessed to have an amazing group of women around me who are willing to put themselves out there, share their innermost feelings to help other soon to be mothers.  I am so blessed to have mothers who share their daily struggles and joys...so that we can all get through the highs and lows and know that we are all going to be ok.  There are scary moments...we've all had them...and been there for each other.  We've also rejoiced together...these women make my little world complete.  They laugh with me and they cry with me.  When I have questions...they are there with answers.  Not one of us regrets this gift we've been given...it's actually the opposite.  We feel humble, blessed, and incredibly happy that these children are in our homes. 

I feel strongly that it is my responsibility to talk about this....to share these feelings with all of you.  You see, there might be a mother...a scared, confused mother.....who doesn't know what to do.  They might read this and feel a little hope...they might ask me for more information.  And then they can enter this circle of mothers...this strong group of amazing people.....and KNOW that they can handle anything....and that this life is a gift.

How to get the little man in the Giant Green Cast happy...

Dear Life,

So....we are on week two of the Giant Green Casts.  They are heavy.  They are hard to deal with.  And the poor boy....he's pretty bored.  You try looking at the ceiling all day.  You'd be cranky too!  Yesterday my husband's boss gave him tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters at the Honda Center.  They have a suite....so we were pretty happy we had a place that might be easy to take the little man in the Giant Green Casts.  

Take note of the most awesome breakaway shorts our friend made.....AWESOME 

 Daddy took him out of his wheelchair.....propped his legs on the ledge and we were in business....this is the first time Kumaka wasn't flat on his back.  HE WAS SO HAPPY!

 We were missing a few kids....five of us had a blast while the other two were being good boy scouts getting merit badges.

 We were so thankful we had a place to take the little man in the Giant Green Casts....and that he had fun!  The Harlem Globetrotters are hilarious...Kumaka was dancing in his cast.  THAT is a sight to see!

Linking up at the Sundae Scoop Link Party on  I Heart Nap Time! :)

A boy becomes a Man

Dear Life,

This is a big year for my oldest boy.
He's a senior in high school.
He's moving to Hawaii to go to college.
And he's recently become an Eagle Scout with the Boy Scouts of America.

He has been a Boy Scout for 6 years.  Over that time, he has camped many hours, served many hours of community service, and worked hard to earn over 25 merit badges.







He worked on an amazing Eagle Scout project; he made a wooden easel and art supply cabinet and collected art items for the Ronald McDonald House in Orange, California.

                                                                                               

























He had to serve in leadership positions within the troop for 6 months, and finally had to have a board of review with three members of the Boy Scout Council.  It was not easy.  He's a very shy young man, and he has a  bit of anxiety.  It's a challenge for him to make phone calls because he gets flustered when he doesn't feel like he knows the answers to questions.  (Usually he doesn't think to listen to the question...he blurts out "I don't know" before he figures out he might know the answer).  He had so much anxiety about having to call the person in charge of advancements to schedule his board of review he told me he wasn't going to finish.  All he had to do was have the interview.  I hounded him, we argued, and for 5 months we went back and forth with it.  Even the day of his board of review, he wanted to go back home and just forget it.  He was very nervous, but he went in there and did his best.  We were not in there with him, one of his leaders went in with him to introduce him, and then he came out and waited with us.  Keoni came out an Eagle Scout.  We are very proud of him.  His court of honor was a week ago, and I was very touched by a story told by that very leader.



 He told him that one of the Scout Council members pulled him aside afterwards, and said that Keoni really impressed him.  He said that he has seen a lot of boys and he really felt that Keoni embodied what a scout is.  I was shocked to hear this, especially after the challenge we had to get him to finish.  Mal also told us that as he was introducing Keoni, Keoni interrupted him, put out his hand and introduced himself.
Keoni ducked his head when Mal was telling this, probably thinking that he did something wrong.  I don't think he understood that Mal was letting everyone  know that Keoni is turning into a man....and he is learning to handle himself well.  That was an amazing moment for me...I knew how hard it was for him.  I am so proud of him.  It was amazing to see how many people came to see our son achieve the highest honor in scouting.  The people there all really care about him and his family.  There was no one there that felt like they had to be there..except maybe the Mayor...and I think Keoni was touched by the outpouring of love.  I know I was.  Keoni is the very first Eagle Scout in our whole family.....and I hope he is not the last.

 I know he is becoming an example to the other boys in his troop...and I hope they know how very very special this honor is.

These men have helped my son become a man..and I am so grateful!

 From...A Proud Mom of Boys!