Dear Life,
I am so very very thankful that I have a family, that I am surrounded by family, that I have friends that are family.
I am so blessed to have five amazing boys and one beautiful princess to care for on this earth.
I am beyond blessed to have this man with a heart of gold, with the patience of Job, and the strength of a thousand men as my eternal companion.
He and I have been through many things in our almost 22 years of marriage.
Through all of it all, our children have stuck together through thick and thin.
Through the example of my dear Jensen Ohana, my mother in law and father in law, my kids have learned that family is EVERYTHING.
When we sent our Kekoa off to serve a 2 year mission for our church, we knew he would learn and grow.
We didn't know he would be teaching us at home, and giving his brother wise advice from afar as he battles mental health struggles.
Every week, Kekoa has sent an email encouraging our tall one, teaching him, and believing in him.
This week, we received a letter that he is struggling.
And my tall one wrote a letter back to him, telling him that last week he wanted to give up, but that mom talked him through. He told him they could get it through it together.
As each of them struggle in very different ways, they grow closer to each other, and closer to God.
I am so thankful that I have these boys who are teaching me.
I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful for the love of a Heavenly Father and our Savior.
Dear Life,
I am joining a new challenge from Finding The Grace Within. Karen hosts Tuesday at Ten. She puts up a quote and challenges you to use it in your writing. You have six days to do so and then share on her page. I am challenging myself to write more, and this motivates me to write weekly! So....here goes. This week the challenge is {the words I live by and what that means to me}.
Dear Life,
Two weeks ago, my beloved grandmother passed away. My grandma was amazing. She wasn't raised to be the lovey dovey, sweet as pie grandma that one might think makes an amazing grandma. She was a no- nonsense, speak her mind grandma. She was frugal, and you knew when you went to her house you better not put your hands on the wall. But she was always there. ALWAYS.
She taught me to love God. She taught me about Jesus. Not in words, but in actions. She was a servant of God until the day she died. She served her church every single day. Literally until she went into the hospital. And even then, she tried to leave the hospital to finish what she was doing.
She taught me about unconditional love. She was a presence in our lives always. When I was little, she took us to church every Sunday. She gave us a dollar to put in the offering basket. After church, we would always go to breakfast. Such favorite memories. Once a year, her and my grandpa took my sister and I to Disneyland. We never got souvenirs, we ate at the burger places not the sit down restaurants, and she sure did love the Country Bear Jamboree (which I HATED as a kid), but it was a place that we went to with them. It was so fun. As we grew up, got married, had kids, she was always there for them. She went to promotions, graduations, soccer games, choir performances, baptisms, baby blessings, birthday parties, and anything else that was important to us.
She has been constant in our lives. Over the last few years, she has been sick, and she has missed my grandpa terribly. He passed away before he could meet Kumaka, in October 2006. She had been alone a long time. I knew that one day, she would have to leave our world, and go to the next, happy to see her husband and her family. We are all so sad that she is gone. There is a gaping hole where she used to be. But I am so very thankful for the gospel, for knowing that we can be together as a family again. I am thankful she is no longer suffering. And I am so thankful for every single thing she taught me while she was here. I asked my boys what they remember about grandma, and the first thing Kekoa said was she was always there. That is her legacy.
Dear Life,
I feel like I need to share this story. I can't explain everything, only pieces of it. But we have all in our life felt the adversary work against us. We have felt anger, and we have felt like we have had our power stripped. Two weeks we found ourselves in an emotional wasteland. We found ourselves dealing with a problem we never thought we would have to deal with. And as parents we were angry. We were angry at the situation, but found ourselves projecting anger at a lot of people. One night, at the height of it, the frustration and anger was palpable. I went into the kitchen, away from where everyone else was, and I prayed. I could tell our family right in that moment could fracture...that our beliefs and all we hold dear was being tested. I felt that we were literally on the crossroads...and one side the adversary was opening the door big and wide...and the other side the door was open but I had to walk further to get there. I wept, and literally sank to my knees and begged God to help me...to help me figure out a way to strengthen my family...to get past this horror. I have never ever felt the presence of the adversary so strong in my life. I knew that if I did not work hard to bring my boys and my husband close, hold them, love them, and make sure we were drawing closer to the Lord we would go down a completely different path...and not the right path. After I closed my prayer, I stood up, figuratively pulled up my big girl panties, and called my family in for family prayer. After that day, every day I feel closer and closer to my Heavenly Father. I know that He has a plan, that He will guide our family through this. My anger has subsided...and I feel like we have locked the door against the adversary (even though he was laughing at us so hard that night). We have sadness, and we have frustration, but the anger has definitely diminished. I am so grateful for the gospel, for the knowledge that we have that God loves us, that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and that through the resurrection all things can be OK. That all of our hurts and wounds have been felt by our Savior...and that we can be whole once again. Without the gospel, the last few weeks would kept us in emotional wasteland. So so grateful for the gospel. So grateful.
Normally I start my posts with Dear Life....but today I am writing to parents all over the world.
Dear Parents,
Parenting is the hardest job in the world. It's also the most fulfilling job in the world.
It's beautiful when your newborn is placed in your arms, wrapped up and content. It's amazing when your toddler grasps your finger to walk for the first time. It's hilarious to hear first words and sentences. All of these and many many more milestones will make your heart leap for joy and your mind will remember those times with great fondness.
It's so hard when your kids hit the teen years. One moment you'd like to strangle them (or lay them across your lap and spank them even when they are four inches taller than you!) ...another you're confused as to why they are choosing to completely ignore you and not speak to you....another sweet small moment they open up their hearts and ask questions about what they are going through. Some days the teen years make me gray, and others are the most amazing, fulfilling times.
It's devastating as a parent to hear your child will be born or was just born with a disability, or your child has had an accident and their life will be forever changed or they get some kind of illness that will completely take over their life and possibly shorten it. This is the hardest part of being a parent in my opinion. What do you do when you find out a diagnosis, or hear your child is injured? I am going to admit there are times when I would like to go in my room, pull the covers over my head, and go fetal. (There are times I have actually done that.) But then I have to get up, put on my big girl pants, and get on with life. I get on my knees, I beg and plead for the strength to get up and do what my kids need me to do, and then I move forward with the hand of God on my shoulder to strengthen me in my weaknesses.
The gift of life is amazing. I have been blessed....by a Father in Heaven who trusts me enough to mother five wonderful children. That is so humbling. Occasionally I question my ability to parent these boys up to the standard that God would have. I question myself, my patience, my understanding. Am I enough? Do I give enough? Do I love them enough? Do I teach them enough? Are they growing up knowing the gospel? Are they growing up knowing how to love others? Are they growing up knowing how to love themselves? And are they growing up knowing how to be GREAT men? I hope so. I pray so. I believe so.
How, as parents, can we hold all of these emotions? Having five children, I sometimes feel like I have to have multiple personalities in the same day to help every child. But I truly treasure each child for their individuality, their strengths, and even their weaknesses. My children amaze me every day. And when I'm weak, when I make mistakes, when I'm so tired I just don't do what I'm supposed to do, I gather my brood and I talk to them. I tell them how I'm feeling, I tell them I love them, and I tell them I'm sorry when I could have done a better job. I'm not perfect, they're not perfect. None of us are perfect, and we are not expected to be perfect. We are here to learn, grow, make mistakes, and grow from those mistakes. We are here to receive hardships, and to learn to rely on a loving Heavenly Father to get us through them. We are also here to learn to serve others, to not get so wrapped up in our own problems that we forget that the friend around the corner may need to talk, or get some help with a ride for their kids, or someone may need babysitting, etc. As we serve, we strengthen....ourselves and others. It's a beautiful thing.
So, am I enough? Yes. Are you enough? Yes. Can we get through these crazy, amazing, wonderful years of parenting and survive? Yes!!!!!
I am so grateful for my husband who lifts me up when I am down and is always a source of strength in our family. I am grateful for each and every one of my children. They amaze me every single day. Sometimes it's a great kind of amazement...and others...well....we all have those kind of days. But I wouldn't change one of them....they all have different strengths, different weaknesses, but they all have amazing hearts. I am grateful for my God, who I know has a plan for me, my family, and for this world. I am grateful for the gospel that has taught me so many correct principles...that allow me to live my life knowing that I will be with my family for eternity.....that allow me to find a strength I never knew I had....that reminds me that when I am low, when I am down, God has got me...and He will always be there. I am grateful for amazing, wonderful friends. I am grateful for challenges, and for the ability we all have to get through them. I am grateful for life....
I was featured HERE today talking about how we started our adoption journey.
