Am I enough?

Normally I start my posts with Dear Life....but today I am writing to parents all over the world.

Dear Parents,

Parenting is the hardest job in the world.  It's also the most fulfilling job in the world.  

 It's beautiful when your newborn is placed in your arms, wrapped up and content.  It's amazing when your toddler grasps your finger to walk for the first time.  It's hilarious to hear first words and sentences.  All of these and many many more milestones will make your heart leap for joy and your mind will remember those times with great fondness.

It's so hard when your kids hit the teen years.  One moment you'd like to strangle them (or lay them across your lap and spank them even when they are four inches taller than you!) ...another you're confused as to why they are choosing to completely ignore you and not speak to you....another sweet small moment they open up their hearts and ask questions about what they are going through.  Some days the teen years make me gray, and others are the most amazing, fulfilling times.  

It's devastating as a parent to hear your child will be born or was just born with a disability, or your child has had an accident and their life will be forever changed or they get some kind of illness that will completely take over their life and possibly shorten it.  This is the hardest part of being a parent in my opinion.  What do you do when you find out a diagnosis, or hear your child is injured?  I am going to admit there are times when I would like to go in my room, pull the covers over my head, and go fetal.  (There are times I have actually done that.)  But then I have to get up, put on my big girl pants, and get on with life.  I get on my knees, I beg and plead for the strength to get up and do what my kids need me to do, and then I move forward with the hand of God on my shoulder to strengthen me in my weaknesses.   

The gift of life is amazing.  I have been blessed....by a Father in Heaven who trusts me enough to mother five wonderful children.  That is so humbling.  Occasionally I question my ability to parent these boys up to the standard that God would have.  I question myself, my patience, my understanding.  Am I enough?  Do I give enough?  Do I love them enough?  Do I teach them enough?  Are they growing up knowing the gospel?  Are they growing up knowing how to love others?  Are they growing up knowing how to love themselves?  And are they growing up knowing how to be GREAT men?  I hope so.  I pray so.  I believe so.   

How, as parents, can we hold all of these emotions?  Having five children, I sometimes feel like I have to have multiple personalities in the same day to help every child.  But I truly treasure each child for their individuality, their strengths, and even their weaknesses.  My children amaze me every day.  And when I'm weak, when I make mistakes, when I'm so tired I just don't do what I'm supposed to do, I gather my brood and I talk to them.  I tell them how I'm feeling, I tell them I love them, and I tell them I'm sorry when I could have done a better job.  I'm not perfect, they're not perfect.  None of us are perfect, and we are not expected to be perfect.  We are here to learn, grow, make mistakes, and grow from those mistakes.  We are here to receive hardships, and to learn to rely on a loving Heavenly Father to get us through them.  We are also here to learn to serve others, to not get so wrapped up in our own problems that we forget that the friend around the corner may need to talk, or get some help with a ride for their kids, or someone may need babysitting, etc.  As we serve, we strengthen....ourselves and others.  It's a beautiful thing.   

So, am I enough?  Yes.  Are you enough?  Yes.  Can we get through these crazy, amazing, wonderful years of parenting and survive?  Yes!!!!!  

I am so grateful for my husband who lifts me up when I am down and is always a source of strength in our family.  I am grateful for each and every one of my children.  They amaze me every single day.  Sometimes it's a great kind of amazement...and others...well....we all have those kind of days.  But I wouldn't change one of them....they all have different strengths, different weaknesses, but they all have amazing hearts.  I am grateful for my God, who I know has a plan for me, my family, and for this world.  I am grateful for the gospel that has taught me so many correct principles...that allow me to live my life knowing that I will be with my family for eternity.....that allow me to find a strength I never knew I had....that reminds me that when I am low, when I am down, God has got me...and He will always be there.  I am grateful for amazing, wonderful friends.  I am grateful for challenges, and for the ability we all have to get through them.  I am grateful for life....
I was featured HERE today talking about how we started our adoption journey.

The day music collided

Dear Life,

Today the best thing happened.  I was listening to my playlist on Spotify (which I LOVE by the way) when my seventeen year old comes over and.....
wait for it......
ASKS me to play
WHITNEY HOUSTON!  

WHAT?????
I KNOW!!!!!!
So I let him choose the song.
You'll never guess......
I Will Always Love You.....
He turned it up loud...
As he started singing and I had to lift my chin up off the floor!
He then proceeded to tell me very matter of factly that Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson both said that Whitney Houston was their inspiration.
Who is this kid?????
Let me just clue you in on the fact that we like almost NONE of the same music at this time.  Although I think he secretly likes Adele but he won't ever fess up to that one.
He's still mad that he knows words to country songs since that was all we listened to for a long time when he was younger.  It irritates him that the words come unbidden.
I love being surprised by Keoni and I love that our music collided today!

Linking up over here:

Thoughts from yesterday's events

Dear Life,

I just have to say that  my life has been touched my a child I will likely never see again.  Last night I was so sad to see this boy so alone.  Where were his friends?  Why was he out so late at night on a weeknight?  What drove him to get drunk?  I didn't see a teenager in a lot of trouble, I saw a little boy.   I sat there last night thinking about this boy, and then my own children sitting next to me.  My boys were coming straight from church...they had just had fun messing around with their friends...they auditioned...and then they had a big night of camping that they were looking forward to this weekend.  Behind me was a young man freezing, alone, and completely wasted out of his head.  As I thought of this, I thought this boy was not alone.  For whatever reason, I truly believe that God put me there to make sure he got home. I have never ever shopped at that store....I almost went to the store across the street, but felt impressed to go to that one. It crossed my mind to call the police, but I dismissed that idea.  I don't know what happened after I dropped him off, but I'm grateful I was there...and I'm grateful my boys got to see up close and personal what life is like for some kids and that people need to have compassion for others.  I'm also grateful for the reminder...that no matter how upset I get with my kids...no matter what wrongs they have done....they are great kids and I need to really remember this always. It's so easy to blow things out of proportion, and focus on the issues your kids are having, but it should be the other way around.  I should focus on the things that make my kids amazing and wonderful and build those attributes up.

This whole episode reminded me of this photo by  Greg Olsen :  Isn't it amazing?  Here is the story behind it:

I recently received an e-mail from a young man who expressed his discouragement at not being able to find many images of the Savior with teenagers. He noted that he had seen many paintings depicting Christ with loveable little children, but rarely had he found his age group represented in such a setting. This young man closed his message with these heartfelt words: “What about us?” Many of us have probably asked a similar question. What about me? Who doesn’t love little children with all their precious innocence and charm? But what about those of us that may not feel as lovable; those of us who may have struggled and lost our way, or who have wandered paths that have left us worn and doubting our worth? Thankfully, Christ’s love carries no conditions and is extended in full measure, especially to those who feel lost and forgotten.

Greg Olsen - 2003


Praying for that boy and his family....and praying that I can remember to focus on the positive amazing things my boys do and NOT focus on the fighting, backsassing, complaining etc they do.  Our children are amazing...and we have been entrusted to care for them.  I don't know about you, but  I have a lot of work to do.

 From...A Mom of Boys

A Sad Night

Dear Life,

How did this boy choose my car to flop on at the grocery store? 10:45 pm....Albertsons parking lot at Atlanta and Magnolia.  All of a sudden a teenage boy kinda flops on my hood and raises his hand at me.  He didn't look like a killer...he looked like a normal teenager out past bedtime and possibly high.  I had Keoni, Kekoa and Kawika with me.  They had just tried out for our church's big singing and dancing production that we have every couple of years.  I asked the boy to come over to my side.  He does.  He asks if he can borrow my phone.  (I'm thinking...NO..you can't) I ask him why he wants to use my phone.  He said he wants to call his mom.  I asked how old he was.  He said seventeen.  I asked if he was from around here.  He said yeah, he goes to Edison High.  Keoni came out of the store, so I told Keoni to let him use his phone.  The boy fumbles around with it for a few minutes, until I ask him if he wants me to call his mother.  He said I should.  He was shaking...not sure if it was because he was cold or he was high.  I told him to get in the car where it was warm and then I caught a whiff.....he was toasted at the very least.  I called his mom....she was very confused.  I asked if she wanted me to bring him to her...she asked why he was with me.  I finally had to say...your son is messed up....then she agreed.  The kid directed me to his house...and I peppered him with questions on the way.  I asked if he had been drinking.  He said yes.  I asked if he had drunk a lot.  He said yes.  I asked if he was alone drinking. He said no.  I asked if he was at a party.  He said no.  I asked if he was with friends.  He said that was irrelevant.  I guess he was tired of my questions.  I was wondering what my boys thought of this situation.  We got to the boys house and his mother was outside waiting.  I rolled down my window...and she looked in my car and saw my boys.  She asked if my boys know him.  I said "No, we were at the grocery store and your son came up to us.  He was alone."  She went over to him and asked him where his backpack and jacket were.  He said he didn't know.  She said thank you and I said I'm sorry.  I'm just a mom...I hope your son is ok.

Broken heart.  He's not my son.  But he broke my heart.  I was confused as to why his mother didn't seem concerned that her son was out.  ???  I don't know this boy...I don't think I will ever see him again.  But I will pray that he can find a way to be happy without using.  He's too young to start that stuff.  Hug your kids....and be grateful you know where they are.

From...A Mom of Boys!!!