Beautifully messy

Dear Life, 

Today, as we all started getting ready for church at 8:00 am (for 11:00 church) I was thinking "Yes! I got this. My daughter just got out of the hospital, and now I have to fit in not only feeding her by mouth, but feeding her via GTube as well, but we will get to church and on time!"  Kids started showering and getting ready as I first fed then did Sofis "Tubie" feeding. Time marched on but I knew we could do it. Sofi finished, I cleaned out the tubing, put water in it for her fluid hour at church, then got the princess ready. She was so cute in her denim dress, white tights with black hearts and black boots. Did her hair, put in a bow, then looked at the clock. I had 30 minutes before church started. Did I tell you we try to get there 20 minutes before so my husband can do his ushering calling and we can get seats? Yeah, enter stress. I took the fastest shower ever, picked out an outfit, and as I was putting makeup on as fast as humanly possible so I didn't scare anyone, one of my lovely boys told me to hurry up we had to go. I told him as nicely as I could that if I didn't put some makeup on my face I would scare everyone and they would leave church.  I hurried faster, put my shoes on as I ran out and off we went with four minutes to spare. By the time we walked in, church had just started. We made a commotion, what with the bright green wheelchair and big stroller and all, and then getting everyone situated. Finally, we took a breath and prepared to be spiritually fed. Once again I was feeling pretty good about myself. I hooked Sofi up to get her water over the hour long sacrament meeting and sat back and rocked her while listening. And then.....Tubie unhooked and I felt liquid on my skirt. Yeah.... Formula started pouring out of Tubie. Whispers of "clamp it.... Hurry up...it's everywhere" could be heard. I realized then that I do not have it together. And then I gave myself some grace. I was where I needed desperately to be. My children were where they needed to be. My baby is getting healthier every day (even if I get messier)  and I got to hear my son receive a beautiful setting apart in the third hour for his new calling. 

Today was great. As I reflect I realize just how beautifully messy life is. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

The tale of the mark of the warrior

Dear Life,

One day Kumaka asked about his scars.  He has quite a few.  At least 8, if not more.   And so, I told him the tale of the warrior.

Before you are born, you are a spirit.
You are taught many things.
Once you have learned all you are supposed to,
God meets with you, and he hand picks certain choice spirits.
He sees something special in these spirits.
A certain spark, a strength, a fortitude.
He asks them if they would consider being part of a very important group of people.
The people that will teach others.
But not because they are teachers, but because their personal challenges will teach others as well as themselves.
They will teach patience, love, empathy, service, strength, humility, hope and joy.
They will also be the cause of sadness, despair, anguish.
They will be the children who face medical issues.
They will face surgeries, hospital stays, illness, invasive treatments.
They will not be able to do what everyone else does.
Some will face radiation, chemotherapy, medications that make them sick.
Some will never walk, talk, see, hear, or eat by themselves.

Some will not live as long as others.
Some will be frail, weak, sickly.
But they will have the strength of warriors, even when their parents are spent.
They will have the courage of lions, protecting their pride.
They will smile, and the heavens will open up and shine down.
They will cry, and then smile the next moment.
They will wipe their mothers tears,  and make a joke to make their father smile.

These special spirits are sent down to do a mighty work.
And they know what they will be going through.
They know they will be facing challenges beyond comprehension.

This is when I told Kumaka that he was one of those spirits.
He knew what his journey would be like.
And he raised his hand, he chose that path.
Because he is special.
And all of those scars are the mark of the warrior.
They are reminders of his strength and courage.
They are our reminders too.

Hope

Dear Life,

When I met Sofi a year ago, I was so sad to see how very tiny she was. I didn't know at the time, but she only weighed 20 pounds at 4 years old. When I held her, she was so stiff, and she would arch her back because she was unused to someone holding her.  I didn't see any of that, I just saw her beautiful brown eyes and gorgeous smile. These pictures were from my visit. I wasn't allowed to share her face then. But look at her tiny fingers. 

I really had no idea what to expect when we brought her home. I knew that I fell in love even before that visit. That was enough. 

When I brought her home, my husband and my boys fell under her spell. They adored her. 

She was so fair, and so tiny. She didn't reach for anything, she really didn't do much. Oh but her smile lit up my world. This photo by Chelsea Abinante Photography shows a brand  new to America Sofi. She wouldn't even look at the camera. 

Isn't my family beautiful? I love them all so much. This photo is a few months later courtesy of Pics by Presley. She's smiling even more but still quite the photography challenge. 

Over the summer, Joanna Penney took this photo of her. A much more aware face.  She is so beautiful. We love her so. 

 

This was last weekend prior to the  surgery to place a Gtube in. She's looking at me and laughing.  She was playing with the hanging toy. She is now engaged in life around her. 

 This was from today. A day out of the hospital and already living it up at the beach. And already, both Stuart and I can tell a profound change in her. She has been tolerating her feeds, eating per mouth three times a day and has a GTube feeding 4 times a day. She is FULL. She is happy. She tracks with her eyes better. She has a lightness about her.  She holds her head up

more. It's amazing. 

I didn't want surgery for her, but thankful that this was available for her and it's helping her. Thankful for the team at CHOC Children's that have really been an amazing advocate for her and have kept her history at the forefront of their minds as they map out her health care. 

I think back, at the sweet little angel who didn't even have the strength or knowledge to raise her hands to play with toys much less hold up her head, and am SO grateful, eternally grateful for each and every one of you.  Children like her are really considered worthless in her country. Their lives are a burden to the community. They aren't given enough food to sustain themselves and sometimes they are stuck in deplorable conditions. Because we were crazy, we saw a future for one of these children, and we went out on a limb, Sofi now has a family. Because of all of you we are watching our daughter bloom right before our eyes. I can't wait to see what she will become.