Sunday, February 26, 2012

I can do hard things

Dear Life,

This week was hard.  REALLY hard.

I took the boy in the Giant Green Cast to the doctor by myself.  I did okay getting him in the car,  and getting him out of the car.
Was SHOCKED when the doctor told me that he would be out of school the rest of the school year.
Was also surprised to hear that Kumaka would be in a brace for a couple of months AFTER the cast.
A pretty prohibitive brace to keep his hips in the socket and not allow him to move too much.
That bummed me out.
And then as I pushed him through the office and parking lot among the stares, got the boy strapped into the car, and attempted to left up the VERY heavy adult wheelchair into my car, I was really struggling.  I started to cry (I know....lame right?) because the stupid chair was so heavy and the shock on the back door of my Suburban is broken, making the door shut right after I open it.

 Then I wiped my eyes, and forced it to work.
But I was still really bummed.

I also have one boy challenging us in all things we've taught him.
It's hard to watch your kids grow up and have to learn things the hard way.
Free agency....we all have it. We don't always use it in the best way.
And it's now time for me to sit back and watch.
It's hard.

Then my very mellow child had a long night of little sleep.
He got up GRUMPY!
He was fussing about all kinds of stuff and made himself late for school.
He was crying and didn't want to go to school like that.
I had an appointment and needed to get me and little ready so I had limited patience.
I attempted to drop him off at the front of the school.
He wouldn't get out.
So I walked around the car, picked up his backpack and handed it to him.
He threw it back in the car.
I picked it back up and put it on the side walk.
I took his hand and pulled him out of the car.
I got back in my car and drove away.
I called the school office, explained the situation (he already had gone to the office) and asked that they let him sit down until he settled down.
(He did come home and apologize later and I told him sorry for dumping him and taking off)

The next day another one of my children decided to go on the "You don't listen to me, you don't care about me, nothing is good enough for you rant."

Enter mommy guilt.

I am on my knees a lot right now.
And I'm trying really hard to talk less and listen more.
To everyone.

A little piece of me is being stubborn and saying "no one is listening to ME! and I'm the MOM!"
But right now is not the time for that.

As I carried Kumaka one day, with his arms around my neck and me holding on to each leg, I looked at him and the words "I can do hard things" came to my mind.  I CAN do hard things. I AM doing hard things.  Mostly because I have no choice.  I haven't cried this much in a long time.  Hopefully next week I can do hard things without crying.

Praying this week is better.
Praying for patience.
Praying for peace.
Praying for knowledge.

Linking up here



  1. Tracy, you are so strong! It is unbelievable the strength we can muster sometimes, isn't it?
    I hope this week is "easier" <3
    Thank you for linking up with us!

    1. Thanks's a new week...hoping it's better!

  2. Oh, big hugs, Tracy! You CAN do hard things!! Hang in there. I am praying for you to have a better week!!

  3. Oh Friend.... what a crappy week :*(
    I'm so sorry....

    Lots and lots of prayers being said here for you guys. And I KNOW you CAN do hard things!

    Love you ♥

    1. Love you too girly....prayers are what we need right now! Hope your IEP goes well!

  4. You are an inspiration. I am over from Penelope Lane and oh I am glad I did. Thank you for being real and honest and inspiring. You are. Sending you love.

    1. Thanks for coming over and for your support! I appreciate your sweet words!

  5. You can do it. You give me such encouragement. I only have 2 boys so far and I totally feel your pain. I wonder sometimes why God thinks I can handle so much. But I'm glad to hear that you are praying hard through the hard things. I'm doing that more and more lately myself. Who knows the ins and outs and deepest parts of my boys even more than I do? Surely HE will lead both of us in giving these boys exactly what they need if we rely on Him to show us. Keep it up, supermom. You are an inspiration!

    1. ***blushing*** thank you....not feeling very inspirational....just trying to "Keep Swimming" LoL

  6. THis post was heartbreaking and powerful all in one. I love you and I am so sorry friend. I wish I lived next door. Praying for you!! The girls and I want to come over again and visit soon. Let me know when a good day would be.

    1. I <3 you so much girl! I wished you lived next door too!

  7. oh are having a rough time..i know those times!!! The very last time I felt overwhelmed with all of life my girlfriend told me to journal...she said then later when everything works out you will be able too look back and see how God worked in your life. best advice i ever got.
    hang in there!!!

    1. My blog is kinda like my journal....I know that just having this online community is a huge part of God in mylife as strange as that sounds!

  8. Tracy, oh, my heart is with you right now. I have been saying "i can do hard things" to myself a lot lately, but it sounds like your things are much harder than mine. But so glad that you know that prayer can help. And you CAN do hard things. Glad to have found your blog!!

    1. I wouldn't say mine are harder...just different. I'm glad to know I'm not alone too......glad you found my blog!

  9. Well I am so SORRY that you have such hard things to carry! It SUCKS... believe me, I KNOW it sucks! Since I am late in reading and playing catch up between packing boxes I am also praying that this week is easier!

    Hugs my friend!


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