A tribute

Dear Life,

Two weeks ago, my beloved grandmother passed away.  My grandma was amazing.  She wasn't raised to be the lovey dovey, sweet as pie grandma that one might think makes an amazing grandma.  She was a no- nonsense, speak her mind grandma.  She was frugal, and you knew when you went to her house you better not put your hands on the wall.  But she was always there.  ALWAYS. 

 She taught me to love God.  She taught me about Jesus.  Not in words, but in actions.  She was a servant of God until the day she died. She served her church every single day.  Literally until she went into the hospital.  And even then, she tried to leave the hospital to finish what she was doing.

  She taught me about unconditional love.  She was a presence in our lives always.  When I was little, she took us to church every Sunday.  She gave us a dollar to put in the offering basket.  After church, we would always go to breakfast.  Such favorite memories.  Once a year, her and my grandpa took my sister and I to Disneyland.  We never got souvenirs, we ate at the burger places not the sit down restaurants, and she sure did love the Country Bear Jamboree (which I HATED as a kid), but it was a place that we went to with them.  It was so fun.  As we grew up, got married, had kids, she was always there for them.  She went to promotions, graduations, soccer games, choir performances, baptisms, baby blessings, birthday parties, and anything else that was important to us.  

She has been constant in our lives.  Over the last few years, she has been sick, and she has missed my grandpa terribly.  He passed away before he could meet Kumaka, in October 2006.  She had been alone a long time.  I knew that one day, she would have to leave our world, and go to the next, happy to see her husband and her family.  We are all so sad that she is gone.  There is a gaping hole where she used to be.  But I am so very thankful for the gospel, for knowing that we can be together as a family again.  I am thankful she is no longer suffering.  And I am so thankful for every single thing she taught me while she was here.  I asked my boys what they remember about grandma, and the first thing Kekoa said was she was always there. That is her legacy.  

Dreams come true

Dear Life,

I was blog hopping...and found this super cute blog called These are the Moments.  Holly had a great list of things she wants to do in her lifetime.  I have to admit that when I was younger I never thought past what I had to do and when I had to do it.  I had tunnel vision...I was short sighted....and I didn't allow myself to dream.  I just assumed I would never do or see most of the things the world has to offer.  I think I was afraid to dream....

Over the years I have learned to ALWAYS dream.  Living your life in fear is not living.  Watching other people live is not living.  Dreaming and believing big is OK....it is the only way things happen!
With that being said, I have learned that your dreams can happen but not necessarily the way you think they are going to happen.  

I've ALWAYS wanted to go to Hawaii.  ALWAYS.  Do you know how many times I have rolled my eyes when people ask me how many times I've been to Hawaii.  About a million.  After 18 years of marriage TO a Hawaiian man...and having five children with Hawaiian names...and learning all about the culture....I finally get to go.  Did I think it would take this long? NO.  Did I think it would be with only half of my family? NO.  Did I think it would be because I am leaving my oldest son there to go to school?  NOOOOO.  (Sniff....One month....my heart is breaking)  But I am going.  And I can't wait!

Another thing I've wanted to do since before I even knew my husband was go to DisneyWorld.  Now if you aren't a Disney freak like me, you would skip this.  And if you live in Southern California like I do, and been to Disneyland a billion times like we have, you would wonder WHY on earth this is even on your list.  I can't explain it...I can only say it's something that I have always wanted to do.  Disney is something our family just loves...our kids have grown up at the park, watching the movies, and believing in the magic.  But that trip is not something I have ever ever planned.  Something about flying...and having seven people in my family....and I'm not independently wealthy.  
And then we got a letter last December.  

Kumaka is being granted a wish.  I cried.  When the wish grantors came to talk to him (he calls them his wish fairies) he told them how much he loves the princesses, the castle, and Disney. 

He is being granted a wish to DisneyWorld.  And we get to travel with him.  And the biggest blessing of all is that Keoni will be able to go with us.  (He's almost too old...because he was seventeen when we received the letter, he is still eligible to attend the trip with us).    That was huge for us...because Keoni has really had to grow up quick...6 years ago his life changed.  He had to babysit a lot, he had to help out when his mommy was checked out trying to figure out how to wrap her brain around this little thing called Spina Bifida.  He has had to step in when we are in the hospital; and he notices how many times we are gone.

  
Because of Kumaka's surgery and subsequent broken leg, we are not going until December.  The date we were given just happens to be the week of Kumaka's sixth birthday.  So in December, our family is being blessed with a magical week at the happiest place on earth.  
This is not how I ever expected to be going to DisneyWorld.  But what a blessing this is.  And because this has been a particularly difficult year for Kumaka, this will be the perfect thing to lift him up.  

Kumaka has been in a spica cast from his hips to his toes for four months.  FOUR MONTHS.  This boy is so patient. He rarely complains.  He has even learned to hold on to the bar between his legs to sit up.  His abs will be crazy strong.  I am so happy that he will get this birthday getaway...and we get to spend this time as a family just enjoying each other. 

Dreams come true.  Not in the way you expect.   But they do come true.  So I have decided that I will never limit my dreams....and I will always work hard to find ways to make them become a reality.   

Faceless Photo Challenge

Dear Life,

This is one of my favorite pictures ever.  

Salt Lake Temple + Brothers = LOVE

I am linking up to Our Reflection for their Photo Challenge: Faceless Photo

This picture means so much to me....the peace you feel while looking at the temple...and seeing two of my boys gazing up at it....especially my boy in the chair...knowing that one day he will be whole again. LOVE

A review and a giveaway

Dear Life,

I had the opportunity to try out a pair of Dawg's Premium Spirit Shoe and review them.

I choose the black with pink because the black is versatile and the pink makes them look a little more feminine.

I put them on for a day of running around.  Let me preface this review by saying I have very difficult feet. Ever heard of your feet growing after kids?  It's true.  No myth.  I had an 8 1/2 foot before I had kids.  Now my feet are...a size 11!!!  I was actually grateful when Paris Hilton came around with size 11 feet....because of her there are more options for this mama!  So, I was pleased to see that Dawg's has size 11.  Not only do I have ski's for feet, I have wide feet.  Again Dawg's delivers....my big fat feet fit into the shoe.  

As I was running around, I noticed that the shoes have a great arch, and the I had an extra spring in my step. These shoes are great because you can slip them on quickly with or without socks, they are light and airy.  The one issue I had is only that top of my foot is fat not petite and the shoe was snug on the top of my foot.  I can't wait to get a few pairs for my boys... they need quick, put on and go shoes and these  have the extra benefit of giving them support. 

SOOOO....here's the best part.  You too can own a pair of these shoes courtesy of Dawg's Footwear.  You must pick a pair from the Premium Spirit Shoe line, but you can choose from Women's, Men's, or Kids.  Sweet, right?  

Here's the website~

http://www.usadawgs.com./Womens-Dawgs-Spirit.html

Guess Who?

Dear Life,

Guess who is a representative for Speak Now?

You're looking at her!

Here is a list of all of the wonderful representatives.

Speak Now....our voices.

What is Speak Now you're wondering.  Here is a statement from their website:

Speak Now is an organization geared towards giving voice back to young women. 

Located in lovely southern California, Speak Now gives voice to young women by participating in various localized events, is involved nationally in donation drives, and raises awareness about teenage based issues that go unresolved in most circumstances. 

When I was young my voice was not heard.  I was not able to communicate what was truly going on inside my head and in my heart.  I feel so strongly about the worth of every young woman and the importance of teaching them their strength, and the importance of their voice.  Every girl needs to know that they are special, they are beautiful, and they have a purpose.  They also need to know they are loved.  I am proud of the young lady who is the founder.  Ellie Coburn is a brave, wonderful girl who is 16 today as a matter of fact.  I am so impressed with her vision and I feel so blessed to participate.  Please go to the website and make the pledge.  

Who am I?

Dear Life,

During my young years I struggled.
A lot.
I questioned God.
Did He exist?
I felt unloved as a child/teen.

I am the product of very young parents.  My dad was 17 and my mom barely turned 18 when she had me.
My dad had an alcohol problem.  That turned into a drug problem. He couldn't be there for me, he couldn't even get himself together.
After my parent's divorced when I was one, I didn't see my dad regularly.
Over the years my mother remarried, twice.
I never connected enough with my step fathers.
Alcohol has always been prevalent in my family.
Drugs have also been prevalent in my family.
I suffered from not having good examples to look up to in my immediate family.
I also didn't have a strong relationship with my mother; she has always worked hard to provide for her children but is not a warm and fuzzy person.
My self esteem suffered.
Was I not good enough?
What did I do to deserve this?
Am I a bad person?

By the time I graduated high school, my life was out of control.
I left my mom's house the summer I graduated.
I didn't complete my classes at the local community college.
I had a dead end job.
I had dead end boyfriends.
My life was turning into a dead end.
Dead.
Multiple times from my junior year in high school to age 20 I was in a depression.
I will admit to wanting to end the dead end.
It's scary to be that low.
To not have hope.
To not have faith.
Thankfully I was blessed with a few really amazing friends.
Friends who supported me at my lowest.
Friends who told me to pull my head out of my rear.
And then I met HIM.

He was my best friend almost immediately.
We talked constantly.
(We lived an hour away from each other....so we had to talk a lot)
I went to his house on the weekends.
We fell in love.
We had a baby.

We got married.

In that order.  But that was good. Because of Keoni, I asked Stuart about his church.  I wanted to raise my child in a church.  That was so important to me.  I knew that without having Keoni, I never would have asked about church.  Stuart was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints  He wasn't actively going to church at that time. As  I learned about the beliefs, the standards and the beginnings of the church, Stuart relearned. I knew early on that this church is true and Stuart renewed his faith.
I had a testimony of the gospel.  I finally knew that God existed, and that He had a plan for me. ME.  There was a plan.  I was supposed to go through all of the hard stuff.  It made me who I was.  I found comfort in the gospel.  I found peace.  And one day as I was sitting in the chapel I came to an important realization.  I was NEVER alone.  God was always with me. Even at my lowest, He knew and He was there. He brought people into my life to help me get through it.  People that are still very important to me. And when my life could have spiraled into nothingness, he gave me the best gift of all.
A wonderful man, who loves me unconditionally.  A man who supports me in all that I do.   A man who is an amazingly patient father and husband.  He is a wonderful example.
And then He entrusted me with five of his special spirits.
Sometimes I doubt myself.
Okay...I doubt myself a lot.
But I know I'm not alone.
I will never be alone.
I am a daughter of God.

The clock is ticking...

Dear life,


Have you ever wished you could turn back time?

Most of the time I realize the futility of that thought.  Except for recently.


I realized something that is ROCKING my WORLD right now.


My life is getting ready to change 

DRASTICALLY.

It will continue to change every year from here on out. 


In four short months this boy









will be moving out....to another state....on an island....6 hours from me. 

Oldest and youngest.....

I have come to terms with that the best that I can.  I will miss this funny boy terribly (even if he doesn't believe it...it's true).

But what has thrown me for a loop is that in three years this boy will leave me for college destination unknown.

And then in three years from that this boy will leave me.

And in two years from that this boy will leave.

And then I will have to face the fact that at some point this one will leave me.

I just remember when each boy was born and I would anticipate each new milestone. Eagerly awaiting a first smile, a first standing moment, a first time walking.  I've gone from checking off milestones happily to wishing I could hang on to the hands of the clock for dear life.....because those days are going away.  

These innocent days of summer fun are going to be one child less fun.  

It's a strange time.  It's not something you can ever prepare for.  It makes me wish I kissed them more when they were smaller....

wished I got out and played with them more often....

wished I yelled less and listened more.  

Of course I still have time....

But the clock is ticking.

The men in my life

Dear Life,


Have I introduced you to the men in my life?  It's about time I think.....


Let me preface this by saying how very blessed I feel having so many fabulous men in my life.  Growing up, I didn't have very many boyfriends, and I come from a family of girls.  (Two sisters and one girl cousin on my mom's side.)  So I am feeling very protected and loved by the amount of strong men around me.  I could live without the testosterone, wrestling and fighting that goes on.  The holes in the walls are not so awesome either. But at this point I am thinking God knew I probably wouldn't do too well with everything that goes along with a girl.  I would LOVE to have a girl to play with, dress up, and all of that.  But it's not to be....and I have come to terms with it.  But all of my friends with girls watch out...I am totally in the process of matching up my boys so I can pick my fabulous daughter in laws.  (Just kidding...sort of)


Anyway...back to my boys....


First and foremost...my sweetheart....

He's amazing, loving, sweet, giving, and a great father.  I thank God every single moment for Stuart.

And then there's this handsome kid.  Keoni.....my almost grown up...moving to Hawaii....Eagle Scout....future film maker.  He's an amazing kid....I'm happy to see him grow and get to see some really cool things in his life...but I'm sad he's leaving us.  It's hard to see your kids sprout their wings and fly away.

Here's Kekoa...my future lawyer.  This kid can talk his way out of a paper bag.  One time he got so mad at us he wrote out a letter pointing out every reason we were wrong.  Pretty hilarious.  He's a sweet guy and really cares about others.  He's also a budding surfer and knows how to be quite a dashing dresser.  Love his smile....it melts my heart!







Here is my Mr. Tenderheart Kalani.  He has been a total nurturing sweet boy from birth.  He's always the first to hold a baby, help with a toddler, and hang out with his little brother.  He's  quite the athlete....and has big dreams.  He loves basketball....wants to play for Duke University and of course he wants to be a Laker!  Isn't he dreamy?

Hilarious?  Yup...that's our Kawika.  He wants to be an actor, a hip hop dancer, and possibly a football player.  He's fierce...and sweet all rolled up in one little boy.  He gives us a run for our money....he's all boy and all play all the time.  His laugh is hilarious....makes you crack up!  

This is Kumaka.  Sunshine in  a boy.  He's more than we bargained for in many many ways, but we wouldn't trade any of it.  He's the reason our family knows there are miracles...and he shares his sweet spirit with anyone in a mile's radius.  And of course right now he's in a giant green cast.

I never would have guessed in a million years that this:

Would end up with this:

Blessed....yes....

Slightly crazy..... definitely!

Wouldn't change a thing....for sure!