During my young years I struggled.
I questioned God.
Did He exist?
I felt unloved as a child/teen.
I am the product of very young parents. My dad was 17 and my mom barely turned 18 when she had me.
My dad had an alcohol problem. That turned into a drug problem. He couldn't be there for me, he couldn't even get himself together.
After my parent's divorced when I was one, I didn't see my dad regularly.
Over the years my mother remarried, twice.
I never connected enough with my step fathers.
Alcohol has always been prevalent in my family.
Drugs have also been prevalent in my family.
I suffered from not having good examples to look up to in my immediate family.
I also didn't have a strong relationship with my mother; she has always worked hard to provide for her children but is not a warm and fuzzy person.
My self esteem suffered.
Was I not good enough?
What did I do to deserve this?
Am I a bad person?
I left my mom's house the summer I graduated.
I didn't complete my classes at the local community college.
I had a dead end job.
I had dead end boyfriends.
My life was turning into a dead end.
Multiple times from my junior year in high school to age 20 I was in a depression.
I will admit to wanting to end the dead end.
It's scary to be that low.
To not have hope.
To not have faith.
Thankfully I was blessed with a few really amazing friends.
Friends who supported me at my lowest.
Friends who told me to pull my head out of my rear.
And then I met HIM.
He was my best friend almost immediately.
We talked constantly.
(We lived an hour away from each other....so we had to talk a lot)
I went to his house on the weekends.
We fell in love.
We had a baby.
We got married.
I had a testimony of the gospel. I finally knew that God existed, and that He had a plan for me. ME. There was a plan. I was supposed to go through all of the hard stuff. It made me who I was. I found comfort in the gospel. I found peace. And one day as I was sitting in the chapel I came to an important realization. I was NEVER alone. God was always with me. Even at my lowest, He knew and He was there. He brought people into my life to help me get through it. People that are still very important to me. And when my life could have spiraled into nothingness, he gave me the best gift of all.
A wonderful man, who loves me unconditionally. A man who supports me in all that I do. A man who is an amazingly patient father and husband. He is a wonderful example.
And then He entrusted me with five of his special spirits.
Sometimes I doubt myself.
Okay...I doubt myself a lot.
But I know I'm not alone.
I will never be alone.
I am a daughter of God.