What? We're adopting? How?

Dear Life,

Adoption.  My husband and I always thought adoption was an amazing thing.  For other people.  We have five beautiful boys, and our plate is full.  Our oldest is eighteen and our youngest is almost six.  We have battled ADD with our oldest son and are currently on quite a journey with our youngest son who has Spina Bifida.  You can read about him HERE.  

When  we were in the beginning stages of this journey called Spina Bifida, we were often overwhelmed, and felt grateful that Kumaka came at the end of our little family because there were times we felt like we never would have had any other kids had he been first.  As he gets older, we have become wiser, we have learned to be patient, to deal with the fact that we are not in control of his health.  We have learned to roll with the punches.  Although we never ever like seeing our baby in pain or suffering in any way, there are times when we feel like we have been truly blessed because of Spina Bifida.

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We have seen miracles, we have met amazing people, and our little man brings us so much joy every single day.  His smile brightens even the gloomiest day.

 One day I asked my husband if he would ever consider adoption.  He looked at me and said of course.  I was a little surprised he so readily agreed that he would consider it.  Still, we never really thought we even qualified for being adoptive parents.  Hello, my husband is 52, we have five kids, and let’s face it….we are not wealthy people.  So yes, we both felt like it was something we would do, but it wasn’t something we felt we would be able to do.  One day I was looking at an agency, at some of the kiddos , and I thought I would just contact them and find out what the criteria was to adopt a little girl with Spina Bifida.  It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?  The agency was so nice, and the lady I spoke with sent me pictures of a few girls that had Spina Bifida.   (Here is where I confess this ISN’T the first time I had perused various websites,  saddened by these children in orphanages all over the world.)  As I clicked open to look at the pictures, one sweet little girl with huge brown eyes and brown hair stared out at me and I literally bawled. 

 I showed my husband her picture and he too fell in love.  When we looked at other websites, we felt saddened but never felt pulled like we were at that moment.  I emailed our contact person and asked what exactly the criteria were…and told her all of our “issues” (age, amount of kids, etc.).  After I listed my concerns, she told me that we still qualified.  We were over the moon excited…and terrified at once.  We felt very strongly that we were prompted to find this sweet girl.  We both feel like we have been blessed with knowledge, love, and the ability to help another child living with Spina Bifida live  life to the fullest.  We felt so strongly that although Spina Bifida is the hardest challenge our family has ever been through, it has also been a blessing in many ways.  How could we be so blessed and not help another child who just needs a family, love, and support?  The only way we can show Heavenly Father how grateful we are for His love, for the blessings He has given us is to help at least one of His children.  Kumaka was born into a family while Sofi was taken to the orphanage.   It is heartbreaking to think about these children wasting away…because in other countries children with disabilities are not considered worth living.  This sweet girl has the right to be loved, to have a forever family. She has the right to have the best medical care available to her.  She has the right to have five big brothers love her and adore her. Sofi hasn’t smiled yet, she hasn’t spoken yet and she’s three years old.  We decided we could help Sofi smile, we could be her forever family.

 We decided to go forward with the adoption.  We sent papers to the country in August…and every single day for a month we held our breath to see if the court would find us a worthy family…and allow us to be her parents.  They gave us the green light.   Now we are in the crazy busy fundraising madness.  It costs approximately $30,000 with travel fees.  We don’t have that kind of money lying around…so we are trying to be creative about raising money.  We have raised a little over $1000.  We look at each thousand as a goal.  We only have 30 goals.  We have met one.  So we are basically 1/30^th of the way done.  We have sent $700 to our agency for the initial paperwork fees.  We are now officially in the program.  Now we need to come up with $9000 to cover the various fees that come up while filing papers as well as pay for our Home Study.  Although it’s stressful to think about the money…and how we’re going to come up with it all, we have already seen miracles.  People have stepped up to become angels to help us bring home Sofi.  We have seen people donate money and we don’t even know who they are.  Our community has rallied behind our little Sofi.  An article was written on our local magazine, Fountain Valley Living, and three fundraisers have been planned, one of them being an $1800 diamond heart pendant that was CREATED for this event by one of the local jewelers to raffle off.  A dear friend who is a photographer is doing mini sessions next week and 100% of the proceeds are going towards Sofi’s adoption.  Who does that?  I am so in awe by the amount of people who have come together, and shown us LOVE.  That’s what the world needs to see more of….that is what will change the world.  We love Sofi, and we truly cannot wait to bring her home. 

Our boys are excited to have a sister (of course after their initial chagrin about the fact that she was a girl…they are so used to it being a boys world).  We talk about Sofi a lot, and we ask them questions all the time.  We asked Kumaka the other day where Sofi will sleep.  He said she will sleep in her bed…in his room. 

 Kumaka likes “sandwich” hugs.  I asked him where Sofi would be in the hug sandwich.  He said “I will be on this side by daddy, and she will be on that side by mommy, and then we make a sandwich”.  Adorable, right?   Kumaka told me he would teach her how to talk, and he would take her to physical therapy with him.  He told me he would take care of her when she has to go to the hospital.  I love the fact that he is so willing to take care of her. 

This journey will take a year, and I’m sure we will face challenges along the way.  But bringing home this sweet angel is well worth it.  Once she is here, we will have another set of challenges.  We know that we will be okay….that God has brought us here and He will be there for us throughout the journey. 

  

Spina Bifida Awareness Day 8 - Grant's Story

Dear Life,

This next boy is older than Kumaka...and I met his mommy on an online support group when I was still pregnant.  I feel very close to her...it could be the boy thing...but it could also be that both of our boys have clubbed feet and they both have had SO MANY SURGERIES and CASTS to try to repair them.  Every time Kumaka's feet start going back I email Joy: "so....how's Grant's feet? Kumaka's are starting to turn in again."  Love this family!

"My fourth child Grant was born with spina bifida and just turned seven this September.  

I remember well the day I was told my baby wouldn't survive.  The doctor said he wouldn't survive due to the severity of his Arnold-Chiari malformation, and I sat there feeling like I was observing someone else as I tried to process the information.  My mom and sister were with me the day I received the news.  We were all wearing lavender (completely unplanned), and my sister, who was also pregnant and due a couple weeks before me, had just finished her appointment.  I am so grateful they were there!  I had felt so strongly something was wrong, and hearing it confirmed shook the foundations of my world, but their presence was grounding and comforting.

A couple days later at 24 weeks gestation, my husband and I saw a perinatologist at a hospital a couple hours away.  I looked at the little baby on the ultrasound monitor, and fighting back tears I whispered to Neil how much the baby looked like his older brother.  The doctor came in and observed our stricken looks and said the words, "It's just spina bifida," and our world shifted again.  Learning our baby would live after thinking he would not survive birth was something else to process.  It was a cautious optimism.  Our baby was going to live and need surgery.  I knew that, but there were all these unknowns, and the the onslaught of information was overwhelming, but I knew we could move forward.  

The rest of the pregnancy went by with many doctor visits, many unanswered questions, and the unknowns were the hardest things to deal with.  I found support and reassurance, though, in an online spina bifida forum and was anxious and excited to meet my baby boy.

Grant was born on his due date, and the moment he was here, none of the questions mattered anymore. I knew what to do as soon as he was in my arms, to be his mom, take care of him and love him with all my heart.  We began our journey. He had surgery within hours of being born to close his spine and place the shunt for hydrocephalus. He's had numerous surgeries since, but he's faced them all with an amazing capacity to smile and and resilience.

At seven years old, Grant is determined and adventurous. He is in first grade, and he loves gym class and recess.  He reads and plays wii and could play outside all day with the neighbors who are his age. 

He amazes me with his willingness to go everywhere in his chair. He braves the snow, rolls through the mud and puddles, and tries to go as fast as he can. He loves to pop wheelies and his poor chair takes a beating. If he can't get there in his chair, he'll climb out and crawl to get where he needs to go. If he can't get there that way, he gets his siblings or someone to help.  I remember worrying that my child wouldn't be able to play ball with his brother, but he does that and so much more.

I think there is a process as you accept your life is going to change dramatically when you hear the diagnosis of spina bifida, and I think it's messy, emotional, agonizing, painful, and scary. It's grief as all that you expected and hoped for is changed, but there is hope and beauty to the future you didn't anticipate.  Spina bifida is just part of who he is, who we are, and it's just part of our life.  That doctor who said it was JUST spina bifida was right.  At the time, I thought his phrasing was ludicrous, and now I know he was correct.  Spina bifida isn't this terrible monster, and though it comes with some huge challenges and obstacles, you learn you, your family, and your child will be up to living with "just" spina bifida.  In fact, it's a pretty normal life. :)

The best advice I can pass on to a parent facing a future with a child with spina bifida is grieve for the future you had planned and move on to the one that is waiting for you! It's awesome! :)"

SP

Young men that make me smile

Dear Life,

This is a story of boys, basketballs, and hot rods.  It's a good one too!

Kalani, (number three boy) plays basketball. 

 He has practice sessions with Tanner,  a boy from the varsity basketball team (and a friend from church).  One day, Tanner was scheduled to pick up Kalani, and I was out running an errand when he picked him up.  When I came home, I was searching the house and couldn't find Kumaka.  I asked my boys where he was.  The answer?  "Tanner took him to practice too!"  
MELT. MY. HEART!




When Tanner pulled up with my boys, I watched as Kalani took  Kumaka out while Tanner pulled the wheelchair out of the front seat of his hot rod. 

 It blew me away.  Most boys wouldn't want to be bothered with a five year old, much less his wheelchair...ESPECIALLY in his hot rod...but not Tanner.  I told him he is my new hero.  
The grin on Kumaka's face was priceless.
  

The example Tanner is setting for my boys is invaluable.

I love these boys!

The men in my life

Dear Life,


Have I introduced you to the men in my life?  It's about time I think.....


Let me preface this by saying how very blessed I feel having so many fabulous men in my life.  Growing up, I didn't have very many boyfriends, and I come from a family of girls.  (Two sisters and one girl cousin on my mom's side.)  So I am feeling very protected and loved by the amount of strong men around me.  I could live without the testosterone, wrestling and fighting that goes on.  The holes in the walls are not so awesome either. But at this point I am thinking God knew I probably wouldn't do too well with everything that goes along with a girl.  I would LOVE to have a girl to play with, dress up, and all of that.  But it's not to be....and I have come to terms with it.  But all of my friends with girls watch out...I am totally in the process of matching up my boys so I can pick my fabulous daughter in laws.  (Just kidding...sort of)


Anyway...back to my boys....


First and foremost...my sweetheart....

He's amazing, loving, sweet, giving, and a great father.  I thank God every single moment for Stuart.

And then there's this handsome kid.  Keoni.....my almost grown up...moving to Hawaii....Eagle Scout....future film maker.  He's an amazing kid....I'm happy to see him grow and get to see some really cool things in his life...but I'm sad he's leaving us.  It's hard to see your kids sprout their wings and fly away.

Here's Kekoa...my future lawyer.  This kid can talk his way out of a paper bag.  One time he got so mad at us he wrote out a letter pointing out every reason we were wrong.  Pretty hilarious.  He's a sweet guy and really cares about others.  He's also a budding surfer and knows how to be quite a dashing dresser.  Love his smile....it melts my heart!







Here is my Mr. Tenderheart Kalani.  He has been a total nurturing sweet boy from birth.  He's always the first to hold a baby, help with a toddler, and hang out with his little brother.  He's  quite the athlete....and has big dreams.  He loves basketball....wants to play for Duke University and of course he wants to be a Laker!  Isn't he dreamy?

Hilarious?  Yup...that's our Kawika.  He wants to be an actor, a hip hop dancer, and possibly a football player.  He's fierce...and sweet all rolled up in one little boy.  He gives us a run for our money....he's all boy and all play all the time.  His laugh is hilarious....makes you crack up!  

This is Kumaka.  Sunshine in  a boy.  He's more than we bargained for in many many ways, but we wouldn't trade any of it.  He's the reason our family knows there are miracles...and he shares his sweet spirit with anyone in a mile's radius.  And of course right now he's in a giant green cast.

I never would have guessed in a million years that this:

Would end up with this:

Blessed....yes....

Slightly crazy..... definitely!

Wouldn't change a thing....for sure!

I can do hard things

Dear Life,

This week was hard.  REALLY hard.

via

I took the boy in the Giant Green Cast to the doctor by myself.  I did okay getting him in the car,  and getting him out of the car.
Was SHOCKED when the doctor told me that he would be out of school the rest of the school year.
Was also surprised to hear that Kumaka would be in a brace for a couple of months AFTER the cast.
A pretty prohibitive brace to keep his hips in the socket and not allow him to move too much.
That bummed me out.
A LOT.
And then as I pushed him through the office and parking lot among the stares, got the boy strapped into the car, and attempted to left up the VERY heavy adult wheelchair into my car, I was really struggling.  I started to cry (I know....lame right?) because the stupid chair was so heavy and the shock on the back door of my Suburban is broken, making the door shut right after I open it.

via

 Then I wiped my eyes, and forced it to work.
But I was still really bummed.



I also have one boy challenging us in all things we've taught him.
It's hard to watch your kids grow up and have to learn things the hard way.
Free agency....we all have it. We don't always use it in the best way.
And it's now time for me to sit back and watch.
It's hard.


Then my very mellow child had a long night of little sleep.
He got up GRUMPY!
He was fussing about all kinds of stuff and made himself late for school.
He was crying and didn't want to go to school like that.
I had an appointment and needed to get me and little ready so I had limited patience.
I attempted to drop him off at the front of the school.
He wouldn't get out.
So I walked around the car, picked up his backpack and handed it to him.
He threw it back in the car.
I picked it back up and put it on the side walk.
I took his hand and pulled him out of the car.
I got back in my car and drove away.
I called the school office, explained the situation (he already had gone to the office) and asked that they let him sit down until he settled down.
AWESOME.
(He did come home and apologize later and I told him sorry for dumping him and taking off)

The next day another one of my children decided to go on the "You don't listen to me, you don't care about me, nothing is good enough for you rant."
Double AWESOME.

Enter mommy guilt.

I am on my knees a lot right now.
And I'm trying really hard to talk less and listen more.
To everyone.

A little piece of me is being stubborn and saying "no one is listening to ME! and I'm the MOM!"
But right now is not the time for that.

As I carried Kumaka one day, with his arms around my neck and me holding on to each leg, I looked at him and the words "I can do hard things" came to my mind.  I CAN do hard things. I AM doing hard things.  Mostly because I have no choice.  I haven't cried this much in a long time.  Hopefully next week I can do hard things without crying.

Praying this week is better.
Praying for patience.
Praying for peace.
Praying for knowledge.
Praying.

via

Linking up here

Sassy Sunday.....two weeks ago

Dear Life....




We have been crazy the past month.  During the holidays not only were we trying to focus on Christmas, but we were trying to organize Keoni's Eagle Court of Honor.  That was last night.  I can breath now.  So I'm catching up.  This is Sassy Sunday from two weeks ago.  This is my absolute favorite outfit.  I love this skirt so much.  It has a hint of sparkle ( cause I AM the sparkle girl), and it is long to the floor and very swishy.  It's a beautiful color and it's comfy.  I feel so pretty when I wear this skirt.  And although my boys make fun of me...they have now adopted the Sunday Sass....here is Kekoa...I call him my style boy...he is really growing into a handsome young man and he loves to look good.  I am so happy about that...a boy that wants to look good...amazing!!  He is fourteen...a freshman and a sweet young man.  His smile melts my heart.....

This is my Kawika.  He is 9 and he is such a mama's boy.  He really loves the camera and is always trying to get in the shot.  He's our messy boy....when he eats you know it.  I love this kid!

This is Kalani and Kumaka.  My tenderheart boy and my sweet sweet love bug.  They ran out to get in the picture.  I loved that they wanted to be in Sunday Sassy.  Aren't my boys cute?

 Isn't this hairclip so pretty???  Summer at Made by Munchies Mama made it.  I LOVE IT!  Cute necklace too, right?  You'll never guess.....Cookie Lee.  Love their jewelry.  These shoes were the best find ever...super comfy....after summer Kohls....less than twenty dollars and they are Vera Wang.  They are so pretty and match perfect.  I really struggled trying to find shoes to go with this skirt...I didn't wear the skirt for four months.  It took that long.  I love the final result!

Thanksgiving Special

Dear Life,

I am thankful for this man.....he is the better part of who I am.

I am thankful for my family....they have formed the woman I have become.

I am thankful for my Grandmother who has always been a rock in my life and my sister who has stood next to me through everything.

I am grateful for the family I have married into...they shaped the little girl I was to the mother and wife I am now....and loved me as I learned.

I am thankful for God giving me a father on earth to replace the emptiness I had....and for giving me a wonderful Hawaiian family to show me what unconditional love looks like.

And I am grateful I was able to pull a cute outfit out of my closet.....

And I love that this boy loves me and loves to be in front of the camera like his mama!!!!!! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

From...A Mom of Boys!