Tell me about Sofi

Dear Life,

As I visited Sofi every day, my sweet husband (who stayed home to keep the home fires burning and make sure the kids weren't burning the home down) asked me how Sofi was.  He asked me what she was like.  We really didn't have a lot of time to talk, so I couldn't really explain it to him in great detail. You see, when I was visiting Sofi, I was in the future as Keoni said.  With the time change, I was a half a day ahead of my family.  Monday morning was Sunday night to them.  It was funny to the kids when I would tell them all about the "future".  Ha...the one time I was a fortune teller!  Anyway, with the time change, we could only communicate early in the morning for me (which was night for him) and in the evening for me (which was morning for him).  But with the business of visiting a certain someone twice daily, and the business of taking care of five boys, we really didn't get to communicate a lot.  I did get some great messages from MyApp from Kumaka.  He figured out how to send me voice messages....so he sent me twenty at a time.  Every. Single. Day.  So cute.  Because of the very brief communications, I never completely explained to Stuart (until I came home) what Sofi was like.  I would like to tell you all a little about Sofi. 

What I knew from reading her medical reports was very factual, and minimal.  I knew she was premature.  I knew she has strabismus (a disorder in which the two eyes do not line up in the same direction and therefore do not look at the same object at the same time), I knew she had hydrocephalus, I knew she had a seizure at birth, I knew she had occipital meningocele.  I knew she hadn't smiled, talked, eaten whole foods, crawled or walked, and I knew she was not fond of bathing, dressing, and being in her crib.  I knew she didn't really play much with other children and I knew she liked to get attention from adults.  I knew that for 2 1/2 years of her life, she lived in a crib.  Her body became emaciated, and her muscles became stiff.  She never knew what the sun looked like, and she never felt loving hands holding her.  She was never given the opportunity to explore, to learn and grow as a baby should.  She learned to be silent because no one would hear her cries.  What I knew about her was words on paper.  One dimensional. 

I really didn't know what to think as I contemplated visiting her.  I expected a child that couldn't communicate, couldn't understand anything, couldn't move, and didn't have much emotion.  

I was beyond wrong.  This child is like the brightest star you see in the sky at night.  She shines so brightly despite the dark days she had.  From the moment she was brought into the room we were in, my heart was captured.  She responded to her name, most of the time with a huge smile.  She loved being held and allowed me to hold her right away.  (I expected her to not want me to touch her because I was a new person...but it did not matter to her.  It almost felt like she knew who I was somehow.) 

 I showered her face with kisses for the whole week.  I am sure she's never been kissed that many times in her life.  

I held her as much as I possibly could and I would play  with the curls in her hair and gaze at the longest eyelashes you have ever seen.  I talked to her, I told her about her daddy and her brothers.  I let her listen to Stuart's voice and Kumaka's voice and she literally stopped in her tracks and listened intently.  After their voices stopped, her face lit up with the biggest smile.  I also put music on for her, and discovered that my girl LOVES music.  It makes her giggle.  Yes....she giggles even.  When she is really happy she coo's and when you copy her sounds she smiles as big as possible.  Although she struggles with eating, she loves food.  The orphanage mashes up regular food and then every day I would feed her while I was there.  The consistency was much like oatmeal with different veggies or meat in it.   I would have to push her tongue down with the spoon and then angle the food so it would go down her throat.  She definitely needs feeding therapy.  She doesn't look at one thing for very long, but there were times that a caught her taking a glimpse at me.  Those moments were life altering....and when she purposefully put her arm on mine and rubbed my arm back and forth I knew that she knew somehow that we belong together.  

By the end of the week, as I was holding her (and holding back my tears), she put her head down and gave my hand an open mouth kiss (the way babies kiss) and repeated that motion about five times.  She struggles to make her body do what she wants it to do, but those small moments when she is able to is like a victory to me.  When I put her on the blanket, she would move her body side to side, trying desperately to roll over.  She's not quite there, but once she's home, she will learn to roll all over the place.  

I miss holding her.  I miss the surprises I had each day, as I learned something new about her every time I visited her. 

 I miss kissing her sweet cheek, and watching her face light up with a smile.  I miss her hands, her sweet tiny hands.  I miss being around her...and feeling the strong spirit that she has despite her surroundings.  I miss her.  

Surprisingly, the final paperwork is moving along faster than expected.  We are awaiting a signature and a court date.   When we get our signature, court is usually a couple of weeks after that.  Once we go to court, and the judge rules that she is our daughter, we can go bring her home approximately five weeks later.  SOFI MIGHT COME HOME BY CHRISTMAS.  

There is a catch.  It's a small catch.  This is where I plead to all of you.  As you contemplate all you are thankful for, as you think of your family, your home, your parents, your children, all that you hold dear, think of Sofi.  Please, I beg of you, think of Sofi.  Remember all I've shared with you.  Know how very grateful we are as a family that you all have brought us to this point.  Know how amazed we are at the sheer number of people that are a part of this little girl's story.  Her story is huge.  She is here for a reason.  She is supposed to come to our family.  I did the math when I wrote my last blog post.  If each person who reads this donates $10.00, we would raise $3500.  That is over half of what we owe for our final fees.  THAT IS VITAL.  We cannot go to court without those fees being paid.  I am pleading with you all, know that as we tighten up our belts, consider donating what you can.  $5, $10, it all counts.  IT ALL MAKES A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HER COMING TO HER FAMILY OR STAYING THERE.  And as you consider her, know that you are a part of her story.  YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIFE OF AN ORPHAN.  Her life will be forever altered because of you.  This Thanksgiving I am grateful that this little girl touched my heart through a picture.  I am grateful to have so many family members, friends, and strangers help us bring her home.  I am grateful for family, for LOVE, for the desire we had to provide a family for an orphan.  As much as her life will change, our lives have changed more and she's not here yet.  We are the lucky ones, our hearts will never be the same.  

A visit

Dear Life,

Two weeks ago, my life became a dream.

I left my comfort zone, my family, my country, to go on an adventure.

An adventure that has left my heart forever changed.

I flew to Amsterdam, ran through that airport, boarded another plane and landed in Eastern Europe.

The next day, we took a bus for 6 hours.

And ended up in another world.

A world where all the women are tiny, dressed beautifully, and walk everywhere.

A world where there are beautiful, old buildings in the centre of town.

A world where people stroll, talk, and eat in the centre of town.

A world where a part of my heart was snatched by a small, brown eyed, brown haired beautiful girl.

On Monday, I was so nervous.

What if she didn't like me?

What if she didn't respond at all?

What if she wouldn't let me touch her at all?

What if ...what if...what if.

When we went to the orphanage, I had knots in my stomach and shaking hands.

I was introduced to the orphanage director who was so very sweet.

And then....they brought Sofi in.

Tears rolled down my face as I finally was able to see her after 14 months of guessing what she would look like.

I touched her hand softly, and was so happy when she smiled when I talked to her.

Then they asked me if  I wanted to hold her.

"I'm allowed?"

For some reason I thought I would have to gradually work towards holding her.

They handed her to me and I pulled her into the biggest hug.

I touched her beautiful, curly hair, and I talked to her.

I played with her.

And I reveled in her smiles.

They were frequent.

All of my fears went away.

She is so beautiful.

Her eyes are HUGE and her eyelashes are impossibly long.

Her hair is thick and curly.

And her smile is much like Kumaka's, it lights up the room.

She is a favorite in the orphanage.

For that, I am grateful....I can tell that she will be well attended to until we go back to bring her home.

I was able to feed her.

And I hugged her and kissed her for five days straight.

The days became routine, get up, eat breakfast, have the best hot chocolate in the world, get a cab and go visit my girl.

Play with her, feed her, play with her again, leave so she can nap and we could eat lunch.

We would get lunch in the centre, eating outside, watching people and talking.

Then we would go back, I would play with Sofi, feed her a snack, and leave her for the day.

I learned that she liked to be tickled.

I learned that she loves music.

I learned that she loved her daddy's voice.

I learned that she has a ready smile, an adorable giggle, and untamable hair.

I learned that she loved me....when by the fifth day she purposefully rubbed my arm and kissed my hand repeatedly.

Those precious days were a dream.

And then Friday came.

That day was more somber.

I drank my hot chocolate in silence.

I looked over at the buildings and knew I wouldn't see them again for awhile.

I watched the people walking by, envious that they would still be in the same town that my girl lives in and I would be halfway around the world.

I didn't put mascara on that day. I knew that would be futile.

We took the cab, went into the orphanage for the last time.

I held her close and whispered a story about a little princess named Sofi.

I told her that Princess Sofi has a new mommy, that came to visit her.

But before Princess Sofi gets to go home for good, her new mommy had to take care of more paperwork.

I told her about her daddy, the strongest, most loving man in the land.

I told her about her five big brothers, and how much they love her and are waiting for her to come home.

I told her to remember how much I loved her.

And my tears rolled down my face as I told her to remember these hugs and don't forget her mommy.

And when I had to hand her  back to the orphanage director, a piece of my heart fractured.

And that piece stayed in that orphanage with that little girl.

When we got on the bus, my tears rolled down.

I said goodbye to that town, and a see you soon to my girl.

When I close my eyes, I relive that week.

I imagine the hell she lived in for two years.

The first two years of her life, those formative years, were shattered for her.

She was in an orphanage that has now been thankfully shut down.

It was the stuff of nightmares.

She literally never left her crib.

For over two years.

She was never held, she never saw the sunlight.

The only time she was touched was when they changed her diaper.

And I'm sure they didn't do that very often.

She was only fed from a bottle, so she still does not know how to chew or eat whole food.

Thankfully, somehow a miracle happened

She was moved after two years to the orphanage she is at now.

There are only 7 children there, and the change in her has been drastic.

The director told me that when Sofi came to them, she couldn't even move her arms or legs.

She told me that she was tiny.

They taught her to eat mashed food from a spoon.

They held her.

They let her out of her bed to play.

They taught her to laugh.

I have so much love and gratitude for these people, who have saved my girl.

I will never be able to express how grateful I am.

Now, as my arms ache to hold her, I have a plea to all of you.

We only have two more steps to go.

A signature from her government and a court date.

Once our file is official in court, and she becomes ours, we will be given dates to pick her up.

We are so close.

And yet, we are so far.

We still need to raise $7000.

We owe $5000 in final fees for our adoption.

And then we need $2000 for her airfare, her medicals to leave the country, etc.

We are so very close.

Please please please consider helping us in any way you can.  On October 30th, we are having a Ruby's fundraiser in Long Beach.  They are giving us 20% of the money that we bring in.  You must bring a flyer, and your appetite.  Some of our friends are going for all three meals, bless their hearts.

Bring your mother, your grandmother, your friends, your family.

Eat for Sofi.

Leave a comment if you want to come and I will send you the flyer.

There are a couple more fundraisers that I will tell you about after Wednesday.

You can also do a straight donation to our site:

If you want a tax deductible donation, you can write a check to

 "Children's House International"

2084 Alder St.

PO Box 1829

Ferndale WA 98248

Please notate Stuart Jensen Family

Thank you for everything,

From.....A mom of boys and one sweet princess

Fourteen Days

Dear Life,

What will you be doing in fourteen days?
Watching your son play football?
Watching your daughter dance?
Sending your kids off to Homecoming?

In Fourteen Days I will be boarding a plane with my best friend.
Off to the other side of the world.
To Eastern Europe.
To visit Sofi.

It's finally here.
I can't believe it.
And we have had so many people reach out to support us..to help us get to her.
And for that, we are so grateful.

Do you wonder what will happen while I am there?

I will visit her October 7-11 for a few hours a day.
On Wednesday I will sign...agreeing to finalize our adoption.
I will take her to get a picture taken for her Visa.
Then, on Friday, I will leave her.

The very week I get back, I will need to pay the 4000 euros (our FINAL FEES) which translates to about $5500.

Sofi's country will not finalize any paperwork until those fees are completely paid off.

THIS IS SO IMPERATIVE.
We need to get this paid NOW!!!
I don't want her to have to wait.
As soon as the fees are completed, her file will go to court, and we will become her legal parents. 
This process takes between 3-5 months.
Then we will go get her FOR GOOD.
WE ARE ALMOST THERE.

We can't stop now!!!

SHARE SOFI'S STORY.


She needs to come home to her mommy and daddy.
She is 4 1/2 years old.
She currently weighs 22 pounds and does not have adequate medical care.


Help us.
Please.
Here's how:

Used clothing drive.

We are accepting gently used clothing of ALL sorts:
Men's, Women's, Children's, bedding, hats, belts, purses. Clean out your closets and drop them at my house.  My garage was about 1/2 of the way full and we got a check from Angel Bins for $575.  If I can fill up my garage 4 more times...that will make a difference.  


Threads of Hope bracelets:

In Puerta Galero in the Philippines, the families struggle to eat. Through these bracelets, made by the mothers and children in that village, the children no longer have to turn to prostitution to help feed their families. This fundraiser has two parts.... Helping those families and raising money to bring home an orphan. Our little Sofi. One bracelet is $2 and three is $5. For every bracelet sold, we raise one dollar for Sofi and one dollar to feed a family. Best two dollars you could spend today. So buy one.... For every family member. Share this post. Be the change today!
(Email me with your order and I will send you a paypal invoice. fivejensenboyz@gmail.com)

We would love to have more runners on our team "Steps to Sofi" for the Long Beach Marathon or 5K

You can go HERE to join the team:http://www.crowdrise.com/stepstosofi/fundraiser/tracyjensen (the money here goes to our adoption agency Children's House International to pay the rest of the fees and is tax deductible)

You can also choose a runner and sponsor them there as well. 

You also have to go HERE http://runlongbeach.com/ to sign up for the race.  We are having people do half marathon as well as 5K.  

You don't have to actually run to be on the team!  You can virtually sign up for our team and raise money!

Here is a general fund donation page: This will help pay our travel fees and other general expenses.

 

We are doing a Squares for Sofi Fundraiser.  You donate $5 to participate.  You make a quilt square (hand sewn, fabric markers or puffy paint...or whatever you design) to be put together for a quilt for Sofi.  We would love to have all of our close friends and family be a part of this special love fundraiser. 

Plus Stuart thought of this one...so we have to give him props!

So.....there are so many ways. to help.  Pick one.  Pick them all.  Just please look inside your heart and bring home this girl.  One less orphan....

Why she's ours

Dear Life,

As we have been waiting for a signature and a proper referral, I have been reading Sofi's medicals.
I have Google'd every word I didn't know.
I read her medical reports when we first looked at her file, but it was so confusing that I didn't read it with a fine tooth comb.
I am now if for no other reason than to feel closer to her.
What I found in those reports makes me KNOW she's ours...and we are SUPPOSED to be her parents.
They also make me wonder how on earth she's even alive.
God has a plan for my girl.

She was born on July 3.
She weighed a little over 5 pounds.
She was 18 inches long.
She had a lesion on her head (not on her spine like Kumaka's is).
The lesion was on her head where her soft spot was.
Her soft spot was larger than normal.
When they operated on the lesion, the fluid in her brain got bigger quickly, until she started seizing.
Five days later they put in a shunt and the seizures stopped shortly thereafter.
A few months later, they operated again to put a plastic piece over the soft spot (maybe to protect it??)

As I was reading this, I realized that my girl is so lucky to have made it this far.
And then I recalled a conversation I had with my facilitator about Sofi's file.

When Sofi was a baby, no one even LOOKED at her file.
Not one family stepped up to see what this girl was about.
When she was three, when we saw her picture, we were the only family to inquire after her.
Her file at that point was in a type of nowhere land...no agency had it because no one had expressed interest..her issues were just too much.

It hit us hard today that she was protected...she was waiting...for us.
She is ours.
I feel that in my heart.
I know it.

I don't like to imagine what would happen if she didn't come home to our family.
Thankfully, because of all of you, we are more than halfway through.
She has a family.
We will do everything we can to give her all she needs...a family to love her...big brothers to protect her...and mommy and daddy to rock her...and doctors to care for her.

We do have a way to go....but my heart is telling me we will get there.

If your heart is telling you to be a part of Sofi's story, please consider donating anything....every dollar helps us get to her.  In six months she will be ours.

Celebrating a birth from afar

Normally I would write Dear Life...but today is Sofi's birthday so I am writing to her.

Dear Sofi,

On July 3rd, 2009, a beautiful little girl was born. 

She was born without excitement.

She was born without celebration.

She was born and then given up.

She endured surgeries alone.

She had no one to hold her, and tell her she would be ok.

She had no one to hold her close and sing her to sleep.

She simply had no one.

For three years there was no one who enquired after her.

She lived in an orphanage...and never spoke.

She didn't play with other children.

She didn't leave her crib.

A little more than a year ago a family saw her picture.

And fell in love.

And started moving heaven and earth to bring her to live in a forever family. 

With them.

That little girl is you.

That family is us.

We are an ocean apart.

But we are celebrating your birth in our hearts.

We cry because we can't hold you, and tell you how much we love you.

But we smile through the tears because we know this will be the last year you will be alone.

We are waiting to visit you.

To tell you all about our journey to you.

To hold you and kiss you and tell you to hold on.

We are coming to bring you home.

Don't give up.

Don't you dare.

We are never giving up on you.

We love you so much Sofi.

Happy Birthday

It will be your last one alone.

Love, Mommy

For those of you wanting to know how you can help...here is what we are doing RIGHT NOW.

We made a puzzle with a picture of one of Sofi's brother's, Kekoa.   The puzzle has 252 pieces.  We are selling each piece for $3.00 each.  Kekoa chose the giveaway prize which is "Hurley Phantom Create" boardshorts.  These boardshorts are listed at $125.00.  You design them and then they will be shipped directly to you! Please consider purchasing a puzzle piece of two in honor of Sofi's birthday!  When you purchase a piece we will write your family's name on the back so she can she all of the people who helped her on her journey home.  Contact me privately and I will tell you how you can purchase pieces!    

We said yes

Dear Life,

I recently came across this quote....and it took my breath away.

“When you say YES to adoption, you are

 saying YES to enter the suffering of the 

orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING

 FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you,

 their suffering is worse than yours. We say 

YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to 

the maddening process, YES to the money,

 YES to hope, YES to the screaming 

frustration of it all, YES to going the distance 

through every unforeseen discouragement 

and delay. Do not imagine that something 

outside of “your perfect plan” means you 

heard God wrong. There is NO perfect 

adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We 

Americans invented the “show me a sign” or

 “this is a sign” or “this must mean God is 

closing a door” or “God must not be in this 

because it is hard,” but all that is garbage. 

You know what’s hard? Being an orphan.

 They need us to be champions and heroes 

for them, fighting like hell to get them home.

 So we will. We may cry and rage and scream 

and wail in the process, but get them home

 we will.”

–Jen Hatmaker


As I sit in my home, with my boys and my husband I am
humbled.  As difficult as this process is for us....it is a walk in
the park compared to daily living for Sofi.  As bereft as I feel knowing that she doesn't know me at all....she doesn't know of our love...and our fight....that feeling is nothing compared to ....well the nothing that Sofi feels every. single. day.   She has nothing to hope for...nothing to smile for....nothing to talk for.  She is existing.  It is heartbreaking to think of that.  My gut is twisted....and my heart is broken.  For all that we have done so far...it's not enough.  Right now it doesn't even matter.  Because she is still waking up without someone to hold her, someone to sing to her, someone to kiss her.  These emotions I will hold on to....because they give me the strength and the fortitude to continue this fight.  They give me enough fire to never stop this fight.  Once Sofi is here.....there will be more to do.  Until there are no more orphanages....there will be more to do.  

Right now we are waiting.  Waiting for Sofi's government to finish appointing officials.  We are praying that the people they choose will have a soft heart for these children.  That their plights can be eased somehow.  We pray for Sofi's health...and the health of all of the children there.  We pray for strength....to endure til the end.  

My arms ache to hold my daughter....my heart is heavy knowing she is alone....but my faith is strong.  
Sofi will come home...and we can and will continue this fight. 

A True Disciple

Dear Life,



Church was amazing today.

Ah-maze-ing


The topic was "Becoming a True Disciple of Christ".  Elder 

Daniel L. Johnson spoke about this topic in the October 2012 

Conference.  

You can read it HERE.



Talk after talk spoke to me in different ways. 

I thought about Sofi.  

About our reasoning for adopting...and not only adopting but

 adopting a special needs child.

Because we all know that having five boys and one with Spina 

Bifida can be challenging.

I am definitely busy.

We already have a lot of obstacles and trials.


But on the flip side of that, we have witnessed miracles.  

We have been on the receiving end of so many wonderful 

blessings.

We went through the most difficult trial so far last year with 

Kumaka.

After a bilateral hip surgery, two leg breaks, and a repair of 

one side of the hip, Kumaka was in a cast longer than he was 

out of one.

We saw more time in a hospital last year than any other part 

of his life.

And through it all, he smiled.

He endured.

And although I personally thought it was the longest six 

weeks of my life to have him in a body cast,

In retrospect...that time was fleeting.

But the lessons learned are still burning in my heart.

Towards the end of last year, Stuart and I were talking and 

asking ourselves "what can we do to give back...after having 

received so much?"

Many people helped us last year, many people reached out to 

our family...whether it was a meal, a playdate, or a prayer, we 

were enveloped in love.

And we knew that somehow, we needed to give back.

We prayed.

We searched.

We realized the most perfect way we could serve the Lord, 

and be as Christlike as we knew how to be would be to adopt.

Although we are sometimes stretched thin, we know how to

 care for a child with Spina Bifida.  

And once we saw Sofi's sweet face, we knew we could never

 turn our back on her. 

A child with no hope, no family, no love. 

God has never once turned His back on us.

Now is not the time to turn our backs on His children.



"Becoming as the Savior is not an easy task, especially in the

 world in which we live. We face obstacles and adversity 

virtually every day of our lives. There is a reason for this,

 and it is one of the primary purposes ofmortality. As we 

read in Abraham 3:25, “And we will prove them herewith,to

 see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God 

shall command them.”  Elder Daniel L. Johnson



I also thought about my boys.

I thought about the many ways I could be a better 

mother...and a better wife.

I thought about the gift of repentance.  

And as one speaker said so wonderfully "repentance means 

repeating...doing it again but better"

Because of the sacrifice of our Savior, we have the 

opportunity to have a do-over.

What a gift.

Because I don't know about you, but I mess up.

A lot.

Love.

That is what being Christlike means to me.

It's what has always been important to me.

It's what I am always striving for.

I am in no way perfect.

I am continually having to repent...asking God for a do-over.

Boy am I glad to have that opportunity to talk to Him, and to

 turn to Him with a humble heart, and ask for forgiveness, 

and try again.



"I testify that as we obey His commandments, serve others,

 and submit ourwill to His will, we will, indeed, become His

 true disciples." Elder Daniel L. Johnson