Steps to Sofi....Asya's story part 4

You can read the prior posts HERE:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

I am reposting my visit....because I said it best in October. 

Dear Life,

Two weeks ago, my life became a dream.

I left my comfort zone, my family, my country, to go on an adventure.

An adventure that has left my heart forever changed.

I flew to Amsterdam, ran through that airport, boarded another plane and landed in Eastern Europe.

The next day, we took a bus for 6 hours.

And ended up in another world.

A world where all the women are tiny, dressed beautifully, and walk everywhere.

A world where there are beautiful, old buildings in the centre of town.

A world where people stroll, talk, and eat in the centre of town.

A world where a part of my heart was snatched by a small, brown eyed, brown haired beautiful girl.

On Monday, I was so nervous.

What if she didn't like me?

What if she didn't respond at all?

What if she wouldn't let me touch her at all?

What if ...what if...what if.

When we went to the orphanage, I had knots in my stomach and shaking hands.

I was introduced to the orphanage director who was so very sweet.

And then....they brought Sofi in.

Tears rolled down my face as I finally was able to see her after 14 months of guessing what she would look like.

I touched her hand softly, and was so happy when she smiled when I talked to her.

Then they asked me if  I wanted to hold her.

"I'm allowed?"

For some reason I thought I would have to gradually work towards holding her.

They handed her to me and I pulled her into the biggest hug.

I touched her beautiful, curly hair, and I talked to her.

I played with her.

And I reveled in her smiles.

They were frequent.

All of my fears went away.

She is so beautiful.

Her eyes are HUGE and her eyelashes are impossibly long.

Her hair is thick and curly.

And her smile is much like Kumaka's, it lights up the room.

She is a favorite in the orphanage.

For that, I am grateful....I can tell that she will be well attended to until we go back to bring her home.

I was able to feed her.

And I hugged her and kissed her for five days straight.

The days became routine, get up, eat breakfast, have the best hot chocolate in the world, get a cab and go visit my girl.

Play with her, feed her, play with her again, leave so she can nap and we could eat lunch.

We would get lunch in the centre, eating outside, watching people and talking.

Then we would go back, I would play with Sofi, feed her a snack, and leave her for the day.

I learned that she liked to be tickled.

I learned that she loves music.

I learned that she loved her daddy's voice.

I learned that she has a ready smile, an adorable giggle, and untamable hair.

I learned that she loved me....when by the fifth day she purposefully rubbed my arm and kissed my hand repeatedly.

Those precious days were a dream.

And then Friday came.

That day was more somber.

I drank my hot chocolate in silence.

I looked over at the buildings and knew I wouldn't see them again for awhile.

I watched the people walking by, envious that they would still be in the same town that my girl lives in and I would be halfway around the world.

I didn't put mascara on that day. I knew that would be futile.

We took the cab, went into the orphanage for the last time.

I held her close and whispered a story about a little princess named Sofi.

I told her that Princess Sofi has a new mommy, that came to visit her.

But before Princess Sofi gets to go home for good, her new mommy had to take care of more paperwork.

I told her about her daddy, the strongest, most loving man in the land.

I told her about her five big brothers, and how much they love her and are waiting for her to come home.

I told her to remember how much I loved her.

And my tears rolled down my face as I told her to remember these hugs and don't forget her mommy.

And when I had to hand her  back to the orphanage director, a piece of my heart fractured.

And that piece stayed in that orphanage with that little girl.

When we got on the bus, my tears rolled down.

I said goodbye to that town, and a see you soon to my girl.

When I close my eyes, I relive that week.

I imagine the hell she lived in for two years.

The first two years of her life, those formative years, were shattered for her.

She was in an orphanage that has now been thankfully shut down.

It was the stuff of nightmares.

She literally never left her crib.

For over two years.

She was never held, she never saw the sunlight.

The only time she was touched was when they changed her diaper.

And I'm sure they didn't do that very often.

She was only fed from a bottle, so she still does not know how to chew or eat whole food.

Thankfully, somehow a miracle happened

She was moved after two years to the orphanage she is at now.

There are only 7 children there, and the change in her has been drastic.

The director told me that when Sofi came to them, she couldn't even move her arms or legs.

She told me that she was tiny.

They taught her to eat mashed food from a spoon.

They held her.

They let her out of her bed to play.

They taught her to laugh.

I have so much love and gratitude for these people, who have saved my girl.

I will never be able to express how grateful I am

One word....love

Dear Life,

It's been awhile.

The face we fell in love with

Life has been turned upside down for us.

Our girl is finally home!

"Gotcha Day", February 16, 2014

The boys (minus the one parking the car) waiting for their sister at LAX

(Photo cred: Julie Presley)

Daddy meeting his daughter

(Photo cred: Julie Presley)

Kumaka holding Sofi's hand for the first time (she's looking at him like "Oh no, I'm in trouble")

(Photo cred: Julie Presley)

She is amazingly, wonderfully perfect.

Gazing at her...in awe.

(Photo cred: Julie Presley)

Her spirit shines through whenever she graces us with her smile.

She can be silly.


She can be sad (usually when she's hungry).


But she's perfectly made and amazingly perfect.


The first week she came home, as I contemplated this whirlwind we call "Stepping With Sofi" (also known as "Steps to Sofi"), I was given a confirmation that felt like God whispering to me "This is right.  You have done what I have asked.  She is with her family now.  Thank you"  Tears coursed down my face when I realized to the core of my body that adopting Sofi was something that was absolutely something that God wanted us to do.  It's hard to describe that kind of emotion.

(Photo cred: Julie Presley)

Watching my husband love on this sweet angel, my heart melts into a puddle on the floor.

Watching every single one of my boys hold her with adoration and do their very best to make her smile gives me peace.  She is the glue that bonds our family that we didn't even know we needed.  This tiny, 5 year old angel holds so much power in her hands, her sweet smile, her beautiful brown eyes.  

As we have been with her for a month, and seen some specialists, things have been brought to our attention, and some realities we never thought we would have to face are here.  Things that are hard...extremely hard.

Sofi does not have Spina Bifida.
She in fact has severe Cerebral Palsy.
She had a lesion in her head at birth that was maybe corrected (we are awaiting an MRI to see what is going on in that sweet head of hers)
She had hydrocephalus and now has a shunt.
There are many things that most likely will not change for our sweet girl, no matter how much therapy she has.
Honestly, these words have been hard to hear, and are even harder to write.
Make no mistake, she will have the best medical care we can give her.
We don't expect changes, but when miracles happen, we will rejoice. 


We have cried many tears in the last few weeks, knowing that her path is not the path we expected.
We have humbled ourselves, and asked God, "what is Your plan, because this was not mine".  

We came to a very important realization.  

Sofi came to our family because of love.
The first component of family is love.

Because of the many people that have loved our family, and this sweet girl, she has a mommy, daddy and five brothers.
But more importantly, our family is learning about love from a pure source....our sweet daughter.



Adoption is not perfect.

Adoption is so worth it.

She is not perfect in body...but her spirit is perfect as it shines through her eyes.  

(Photo cred: Chelsea Abinante)

We are blessed to call her daughter.  We can only pray to live up to her example of strength, perseverance, and love.

(Photo cred: Julie Presley)

Miracles

Dear Life,

Do you believe in miracles?  
I do.
I have for years.
First watching "Little" (Kumaka) as he navigates boy hood full force.

Remembering the baby years....the multiple shunt revisions...the casts for months on end (that lasted for years)...the surgery after surgery to correct feet....and then hips....and then broken bones....the ongoing infections.

I never in a million years would have imagined Kumaka to be this active....this happy....this....BOY LIKE.  

There is not a "can't do" moment....it's a how can I attitude. 

The last few years have been truly miraculous to watch and given us much joy.

Then, we embarked on the adoption journey.

Did we have the necessary funding in our account just waiting?
No.
But Sofi was waiting.
And we determined that she would wait no more for someone to be her family.
We fell in love with her....and decided that we would do whatever it took to bring her home.

And we did.
Everything we could think of.
Cupcake days, shoe drives, clothing drives, pizza days, jewelry giveaways, TV Raffles, Helmet Raffles, etc etc etc.

We have driven to Los Angeles more times than we can count to get paperwork taken care of.  We have cried, laughed, and prayed harder than ever.

And then our court date happened.

We didn't get a "Now she's yours moment".
We got a continuance.
We needed current fingerprint clearances from the FBI.  
At the time we needed them, our government was shut down. So we got state clearances and prayed they would work.
They didn't.

SO....the day we had court and didn't pass, Stuart and I rushed to the police station to get our fingerprints done.  I then rushed to get money orders and had them sent next day to the FBI.  

When I knew the received them I called to beg for them to expedite.  
Normally fingerprint clearances take 6-8 weeks.
I didn't have that kind of time.
We begged, my agency begged, and we found someone to do them.
They sent them out on December 24th.

BUT they sent them to the wrong place.
So yesterday and today we have been in a panic trying to figure what to do.
Right when my  head bowed, and my tears flowed, because Sofi's fate was to be put in the hands of the judge....again...
God stepped in.
The documents were found.  My money orders were found.
The State Department is helping us by expediting our paperwork.  
They will get there in time.
By a hair.  
That's all we need.

Yes, I believe in miracles.  
I believe in people.
Because throughout this journey, I have witnessed the goodness of people all over this world.  

I am a better person because of this journey.

Miracles are real.  
You just have to believe.

 

Monday is the day

Dear Life,

Monday is a very special day.  Monday our family will grow.  We will have a new little daughter.  She is 4 and a half, with beautiful brown eyes and the most amazing, curly, brown hair.  Her smile lights up the room, and her determination to live life despite the odds amazes me.  She is a survivor.  She was once lost.  And she is now found.  She will be coming home in January, to a daddy who will adore her and spoil her rotten (because he has been waiting for a little girl for 19 years), and five brothers who are over the moon excited for her to come home.

I think back over the year and a half we have been on this journey, and I am amazed and so very grateful.  One family's desire to adopt an orphan, to give her a family and a chance at life, has become a journey for literally hundreds of people.  Sofi's journey is a beautiful story of love.  Not only love from our family, but love from that have supported our fundraisers, or have donated what you can to bring her home.

It's amazing to think that soon, we will have this beautiful girl....who was born to someone on the other side of the world....and will be our daughter forever.


We are fully funded as far as fees are concerned, but we still need to figure out our travel money.  Now is the final push....to raise money to get her outta there!!!!!

I know you all have stood by us...you have donated time and again.  You have shared and shared and shared her story.  We are here, humbly standing before you, thanking you for all of that.  Because of you, Sofi is one less.  One less tragic orphan.  One less statistic.  One less mouth for that orphanage to feed.

One more person to add to the Jensen Ohana.

Gratitude

Dear Life,

As Thanksgiving draws near, I have been thinking about my family.
I have been thinking about my children.
I have been thinking about how very grateful I am that we live in a free country, with the knowledge we have and the medical advances our medical teams have.
I have been thinking how very grateful I am that we are allowed to make choices.
The choice to keep a child that was born with extras.
The choice to teach that child that he or she can do whatever they want to do in life.
The choice to teach them to dream.

I am thankful for all of those people who helped our little man last year.
Those that supported him, visited him, read to him, walked with him, and loved him.
By the end of the year last year, we felt so much support and love, and we knew that although he was not out of the woods with his hips and leg, he would be ok.
We knew that somehow, we had to give back.
We had to find a way to help another child.
A child that needs a family.
A child that had no hope.
A child that had no dreams.

I am thankful for Sofi.
When we looked at her picture, looked in her eyes and into her soul,
We knew that we could take care of this child.
We knew that we could be her family.
We knew that we could give her hope.
We knew that we could show her how to dream.

I am thankful for our caseworker.
When we told her we wanted to adopt, she told us we could do it.
When we told her we didn't know how we would fund it, she told us we could fundraise.
So we did.
We told Sofi's story.
Over and over and over again.
We have written, shared, cried, laughed and been amazed.
We have collected shoes, clothing, had pizza nights, picture days, cupcake days, Ruby's days, jewelry fundraisers, you name it and we've done it.  (Except garage sales.  I hate garage sales)
We have raised over $25,000.

I am thankful for you.
You have listened to us write about Sofi.
You have cried with us.
You have shared our words.
You have participated in our fundraisers.
You have loved this girl as we do.
You have given.
And given again.
Because of you, I got to visit her in October.
Because of you, she will be home in January.
Because of you, there will be one less orphan.
Because of you, she will have a family.
Because of you she will have hope.
Because of you she can dream.

There will never be enough words to thank those that have been a part of this story.
Sofi's story.
She is almost here.
We are so close.
We are $750 away from being fully funded with our agency.
Then we only need a few thousand more to fly over and bring her home.
Our flights are paid for, we just need to pay for hers, for her medical clearances, the driver to pick her up (she is six hours from the capitol) and then she will be here.

Consider helping us finish this.
Consider giving one more time.
Consider Sofi coming home in Januaray.
Consider her safe.
Consider her loved.
Consider you....a part of her.

Thank you.

She has a story

 Dear Life,

When I met Sofi in that orphanage, and heard a small part of her story, I realized that this little girl was being saved for a reason.  Her story is just beginning, and yet, her story started at birth.  

Sofi was born to a young girl, 14 years of age.  She was born prematurely, and didn't breathe well right away.  She started having seizures that lasted for five days.  Finally, the doctors did surgery, and put a shunt in to relieve her hydrocephalus.   Sofi was five days old, and she had already fought hard to live.  And sadly, she went through all of that alone.  In a crib in the hospital, scared, barely alive, and alone.  There was no one there to make sure she was being cared for, no one to hold her little hand, no one to advocate for her, no one to hear her cries.  When she was finally stable, two weeks later, she was sent to a large orphanage.  It was there that she was left in a crib.  For two years.  She was only fed through a bottle.  Her body started to become stiff and rigid from not being taken out of the crib.  Not surprisingly, she never spoke, she never smiled, she barely existed.  That was her life for two years.  In December 2011, she was moved to the home she is at now.  There are only 7 children there, and they worked hard to change things for her.  Under their care, after many months,  she started to make a few sounds, and they taught her to eat mashed up food with a spoon. She started to smile.  

Early in 2012, Nina, our caseworker with Children's House International, first saw Sofi's file.  Below  is her part in Sofi's story.

"Before Sofi Rose became Sofi she was my Liliana.  Liliana was one of a group of children whose information I received in 2012 after I had visited Bulgaria.   Her foundation had heard my story of my love for my niece and nephew who were also born with neural tube defects.   They knew my eyes were open to the possibilities and potential these children had if they were loved and educated.  So, her foundation began requesting the profiles of children like Sofi that they knew I would fight to find families for.   Sofi's information was one page of medical information and a single photo.  Her orphanage was far from the capital and her information was grim.  She was a tiny girl who had not yet met any milestones.  Nobody visited her.   Nobody bothered to go see this small girl.  So with my one photo and my one page of information I decided this tiny girl deserved a fierce name.  In some cultures the weakest babies are given the names of saints as protection.   I decided to call Sofi Liliana as an alias.  Liliana Panitza was a heroine of great strength in Sofi's home country.  Liliana Panitza was instrumental on defying Hitler during WWII to save the lives of 50,000 Jews.  She was not in a position of great power.  She was just a girl inner strength an conviction.    What better name for Sofi,  who had nothing,  than to call her by the name of a woman who saved so many.  For over a year nobody inquired about Sofi.  I would speak to families about her and invariably the families would decline interest.  Until the day Tracy called.  I believe I sent her information on several girls.  Sofi's information was in the group. "

We received files of a few girls.  We scrolled  through the files,  looking for the pictures. Suddenly, we stopped, entranced by  this adorable baby, dressed in blue.  Her eyes were large, and so wonderfully brown.  Her eyes captured us, and there was no turning back.  

We started on this journey of adoption, having only read that one page of medical history, and seen one baby picture.

We prayed daily, praying for her health, for her to feel our love through the miles.  I would like to think that somehow, those prayers were answered.  When I traveled the many hours to meet Sofi, she was much different than I expected.  She was able to respond a little, she smiled a lot, and she had a few sounds.  The home she lives in is clean, bright, and decorated colorfully.  

It was while I was visiting her that I learned about Sofi's earlier years.  And I wept for her.  For the two year old that fought valiantly to live despite all of the odds stacked against her.  When I learned that she should have had medicals done yearly, but it appeared that those were never done, I realized that the other orphanage expected her to die.  

Almost like a physical blow, I felt so strongly that Sofi's story is huge.  That this amazing little girl has a huge story...and it's just starting.  That she survived the odds stacked against her because God held her in His hands, protected her, and then placed her in this home until we came along.  There is no other explanation.  

Sofi may never tell her story.  But we will.  We are so blessed to be able to do so.  And all because of you.  
We are so very close.  

She's almost home.  Her story is changing once again, but for the better.  She won't have to fight alone anymore.  She won't have to shed silent tears.  She will reach out and I will hold her hand. 

 She will laugh and we will laugh with her.  Her joy will be our joy.  Her joy will be your joy too.  

If you have wondered why we fight so hard to bring her here, why we continue to come up with all these crazy fundraisers, now you know.  She fought harder than we ever will, and she fought alone.  We are not alone, we have an army.  An army of wonderful, loving people.  An army to bring home a girl. 
You are in our army.

Tell me about Sofi

Dear Life,

As I visited Sofi every day, my sweet husband (who stayed home to keep the home fires burning and make sure the kids weren't burning the home down) asked me how Sofi was.  He asked me what she was like.  We really didn't have a lot of time to talk, so I couldn't really explain it to him in great detail. You see, when I was visiting Sofi, I was in the future as Keoni said.  With the time change, I was a half a day ahead of my family.  Monday morning was Sunday night to them.  It was funny to the kids when I would tell them all about the "future".  Ha...the one time I was a fortune teller!  Anyway, with the time change, we could only communicate early in the morning for me (which was night for him) and in the evening for me (which was morning for him).  But with the business of visiting a certain someone twice daily, and the business of taking care of five boys, we really didn't get to communicate a lot.  I did get some great messages from MyApp from Kumaka.  He figured out how to send me voice messages....so he sent me twenty at a time.  Every. Single. Day.  So cute.  Because of the very brief communications, I never completely explained to Stuart (until I came home) what Sofi was like.  I would like to tell you all a little about Sofi. 

What I knew from reading her medical reports was very factual, and minimal.  I knew she was premature.  I knew she has strabismus (a disorder in which the two eyes do not line up in the same direction and therefore do not look at the same object at the same time), I knew she had hydrocephalus, I knew she had a seizure at birth, I knew she had occipital meningocele.  I knew she hadn't smiled, talked, eaten whole foods, crawled or walked, and I knew she was not fond of bathing, dressing, and being in her crib.  I knew she didn't really play much with other children and I knew she liked to get attention from adults.  I knew that for 2 1/2 years of her life, she lived in a crib.  Her body became emaciated, and her muscles became stiff.  She never knew what the sun looked like, and she never felt loving hands holding her.  She was never given the opportunity to explore, to learn and grow as a baby should.  She learned to be silent because no one would hear her cries.  What I knew about her was words on paper.  One dimensional. 

I really didn't know what to think as I contemplated visiting her.  I expected a child that couldn't communicate, couldn't understand anything, couldn't move, and didn't have much emotion.  

I was beyond wrong.  This child is like the brightest star you see in the sky at night.  She shines so brightly despite the dark days she had.  From the moment she was brought into the room we were in, my heart was captured.  She responded to her name, most of the time with a huge smile.  She loved being held and allowed me to hold her right away.  (I expected her to not want me to touch her because I was a new person...but it did not matter to her.  It almost felt like she knew who I was somehow.) 

 I showered her face with kisses for the whole week.  I am sure she's never been kissed that many times in her life.  

I held her as much as I possibly could and I would play  with the curls in her hair and gaze at the longest eyelashes you have ever seen.  I talked to her, I told her about her daddy and her brothers.  I let her listen to Stuart's voice and Kumaka's voice and she literally stopped in her tracks and listened intently.  After their voices stopped, her face lit up with the biggest smile.  I also put music on for her, and discovered that my girl LOVES music.  It makes her giggle.  Yes....she giggles even.  When she is really happy she coo's and when you copy her sounds she smiles as big as possible.  Although she struggles with eating, she loves food.  The orphanage mashes up regular food and then every day I would feed her while I was there.  The consistency was much like oatmeal with different veggies or meat in it.   I would have to push her tongue down with the spoon and then angle the food so it would go down her throat.  She definitely needs feeding therapy.  She doesn't look at one thing for very long, but there were times that a caught her taking a glimpse at me.  Those moments were life altering....and when she purposefully put her arm on mine and rubbed my arm back and forth I knew that she knew somehow that we belong together.  

By the end of the week, as I was holding her (and holding back my tears), she put her head down and gave my hand an open mouth kiss (the way babies kiss) and repeated that motion about five times.  She struggles to make her body do what she wants it to do, but those small moments when she is able to is like a victory to me.  When I put her on the blanket, she would move her body side to side, trying desperately to roll over.  She's not quite there, but once she's home, she will learn to roll all over the place.  

I miss holding her.  I miss the surprises I had each day, as I learned something new about her every time I visited her. 

 I miss kissing her sweet cheek, and watching her face light up with a smile.  I miss her hands, her sweet tiny hands.  I miss being around her...and feeling the strong spirit that she has despite her surroundings.  I miss her.  

Surprisingly, the final paperwork is moving along faster than expected.  We are awaiting a signature and a court date.   When we get our signature, court is usually a couple of weeks after that.  Once we go to court, and the judge rules that she is our daughter, we can go bring her home approximately five weeks later.  SOFI MIGHT COME HOME BY CHRISTMAS.  

There is a catch.  It's a small catch.  This is where I plead to all of you.  As you contemplate all you are thankful for, as you think of your family, your home, your parents, your children, all that you hold dear, think of Sofi.  Please, I beg of you, think of Sofi.  Remember all I've shared with you.  Know how very grateful we are as a family that you all have brought us to this point.  Know how amazed we are at the sheer number of people that are a part of this little girl's story.  Her story is huge.  She is here for a reason.  She is supposed to come to our family.  I did the math when I wrote my last blog post.  If each person who reads this donates $10.00, we would raise $3500.  That is over half of what we owe for our final fees.  THAT IS VITAL.  We cannot go to court without those fees being paid.  I am pleading with you all, know that as we tighten up our belts, consider donating what you can.  $5, $10, it all counts.  IT ALL MAKES A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HER COMING TO HER FAMILY OR STAYING THERE.  And as you consider her, know that you are a part of her story.  YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIFE OF AN ORPHAN.  Her life will be forever altered because of you.  This Thanksgiving I am grateful that this little girl touched my heart through a picture.  I am grateful to have so many family members, friends, and strangers help us bring her home.  I am grateful for family, for LOVE, for the desire we had to provide a family for an orphan.  As much as her life will change, our lives have changed more and she's not here yet.  We are the lucky ones, our hearts will never be the same.  

A visit

Dear Life,

Two weeks ago, my life became a dream.

I left my comfort zone, my family, my country, to go on an adventure.

An adventure that has left my heart forever changed.

I flew to Amsterdam, ran through that airport, boarded another plane and landed in Eastern Europe.

The next day, we took a bus for 6 hours.

And ended up in another world.

A world where all the women are tiny, dressed beautifully, and walk everywhere.

A world where there are beautiful, old buildings in the centre of town.

A world where people stroll, talk, and eat in the centre of town.

A world where a part of my heart was snatched by a small, brown eyed, brown haired beautiful girl.

On Monday, I was so nervous.

What if she didn't like me?

What if she didn't respond at all?

What if she wouldn't let me touch her at all?

What if ...what if...what if.

When we went to the orphanage, I had knots in my stomach and shaking hands.

I was introduced to the orphanage director who was so very sweet.

And then....they brought Sofi in.

Tears rolled down my face as I finally was able to see her after 14 months of guessing what she would look like.

I touched her hand softly, and was so happy when she smiled when I talked to her.

Then they asked me if  I wanted to hold her.

"I'm allowed?"

For some reason I thought I would have to gradually work towards holding her.

They handed her to me and I pulled her into the biggest hug.

I touched her beautiful, curly hair, and I talked to her.

I played with her.

And I reveled in her smiles.

They were frequent.

All of my fears went away.

She is so beautiful.

Her eyes are HUGE and her eyelashes are impossibly long.

Her hair is thick and curly.

And her smile is much like Kumaka's, it lights up the room.

She is a favorite in the orphanage.

For that, I am grateful....I can tell that she will be well attended to until we go back to bring her home.

I was able to feed her.

And I hugged her and kissed her for five days straight.

The days became routine, get up, eat breakfast, have the best hot chocolate in the world, get a cab and go visit my girl.

Play with her, feed her, play with her again, leave so she can nap and we could eat lunch.

We would get lunch in the centre, eating outside, watching people and talking.

Then we would go back, I would play with Sofi, feed her a snack, and leave her for the day.

I learned that she liked to be tickled.

I learned that she loves music.

I learned that she loved her daddy's voice.

I learned that she has a ready smile, an adorable giggle, and untamable hair.

I learned that she loved me....when by the fifth day she purposefully rubbed my arm and kissed my hand repeatedly.

Those precious days were a dream.

And then Friday came.

That day was more somber.

I drank my hot chocolate in silence.

I looked over at the buildings and knew I wouldn't see them again for awhile.

I watched the people walking by, envious that they would still be in the same town that my girl lives in and I would be halfway around the world.

I didn't put mascara on that day. I knew that would be futile.

We took the cab, went into the orphanage for the last time.

I held her close and whispered a story about a little princess named Sofi.

I told her that Princess Sofi has a new mommy, that came to visit her.

But before Princess Sofi gets to go home for good, her new mommy had to take care of more paperwork.

I told her about her daddy, the strongest, most loving man in the land.

I told her about her five big brothers, and how much they love her and are waiting for her to come home.

I told her to remember how much I loved her.

And my tears rolled down my face as I told her to remember these hugs and don't forget her mommy.

And when I had to hand her  back to the orphanage director, a piece of my heart fractured.

And that piece stayed in that orphanage with that little girl.

When we got on the bus, my tears rolled down.

I said goodbye to that town, and a see you soon to my girl.

When I close my eyes, I relive that week.

I imagine the hell she lived in for two years.

The first two years of her life, those formative years, were shattered for her.

She was in an orphanage that has now been thankfully shut down.

It was the stuff of nightmares.

She literally never left her crib.

For over two years.

She was never held, she never saw the sunlight.

The only time she was touched was when they changed her diaper.

And I'm sure they didn't do that very often.

She was only fed from a bottle, so she still does not know how to chew or eat whole food.

Thankfully, somehow a miracle happened

She was moved after two years to the orphanage she is at now.

There are only 7 children there, and the change in her has been drastic.

The director told me that when Sofi came to them, she couldn't even move her arms or legs.

She told me that she was tiny.

They taught her to eat mashed food from a spoon.

They held her.

They let her out of her bed to play.

They taught her to laugh.

I have so much love and gratitude for these people, who have saved my girl.

I will never be able to express how grateful I am.

Now, as my arms ache to hold her, I have a plea to all of you.

We only have two more steps to go.

A signature from her government and a court date.

Once our file is official in court, and she becomes ours, we will be given dates to pick her up.

We are so close.

And yet, we are so far.

We still need to raise $7000.

We owe $5000 in final fees for our adoption.

And then we need $2000 for her airfare, her medicals to leave the country, etc.

We are so very close.

Please please please consider helping us in any way you can.  On October 30th, we are having a Ruby's fundraiser in Long Beach.  They are giving us 20% of the money that we bring in.  You must bring a flyer, and your appetite.  Some of our friends are going for all three meals, bless their hearts.

Bring your mother, your grandmother, your friends, your family.

Eat for Sofi.

Leave a comment if you want to come and I will send you the flyer.

There are a couple more fundraisers that I will tell you about after Wednesday.

You can also do a straight donation to our site:

If you want a tax deductible donation, you can write a check to

 "Children's House International"

2084 Alder St.

PO Box 1829

Ferndale WA 98248

Please notate Stuart Jensen Family

Thank you for everything,

From.....A mom of boys and one sweet princess