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Dear Life,

I wrote about Susanna awhile back. She needed a family so badly. (You can read about her HERE: Susanna's Story)
  
 Susanna had Spina Bifida that was never surgically repaired and untreated hydrocephalus.  She was the same age as Kumaka.  In her six years of life, she never, ever left the crib.  She learned to scoot around her crib a little bit, and she became best friends with the little boy in the crib next to her.  She would straighten his clothes and hold his hand.  Finally, a family came forward.  They were in the middle of the long, arduous process of paperwork that needs to be done when adopting internationally.  They were so excited to bring her home and get her the very necessary medical care she needed and add her to their beautiful family.  And then one day they received a phone call that no one wants to get.  Sweet little Susanna passed away.  Her family was working hard....but her untreated Spina Bifida got to her first.  

Our Adoption family was devastated by the news.  We all cried for this sweet little girl that never got to meet her mommy and daddy.  

This picture of Susanna's crib broke my heart...as I imagined her living in this crib for six years...and now she's gone.  

During this season of thankfulness, our family has really thought long and hard about all of you.  You, our friends, family, and those we don't even know who have donated one dollar, five dollars, fifty dollars, or more.  You, who have donated shoes, collected shoes, collected clothing, etc.   You are the reason that Sofi will come home.  That she has a chance for life.  You are the reason that she will have a family, that she will not be alone.  You are a part of her story.  And her crib will be empty soon, and she will be here in our home and with our family.  She will be able to have dreams, hopes, and love.  She will have the best medical care we can provide for her.  She will leave the orphanage. She will come home.  

Thank you.   We are so very close....court is coming up in a couple of weeks.  And then we can show her face.....please consider giving our girl hopes and dreams for Christmas.  

Tell me about Sofi

Dear Life,

As I visited Sofi every day, my sweet husband (who stayed home to keep the home fires burning and make sure the kids weren't burning the home down) asked me how Sofi was.  He asked me what she was like.  We really didn't have a lot of time to talk, so I couldn't really explain it to him in great detail. You see, when I was visiting Sofi, I was in the future as Keoni said.  With the time change, I was a half a day ahead of my family.  Monday morning was Sunday night to them.  It was funny to the kids when I would tell them all about the "future".  Ha...the one time I was a fortune teller!  Anyway, with the time change, we could only communicate early in the morning for me (which was night for him) and in the evening for me (which was morning for him).  But with the business of visiting a certain someone twice daily, and the business of taking care of five boys, we really didn't get to communicate a lot.  I did get some great messages from MyApp from Kumaka.  He figured out how to send me voice messages....so he sent me twenty at a time.  Every. Single. Day.  So cute.  Because of the very brief communications, I never completely explained to Stuart (until I came home) what Sofi was like.  I would like to tell you all a little about Sofi. 

What I knew from reading her medical reports was very factual, and minimal.  I knew she was premature.  I knew she has strabismus (a disorder in which the two eyes do not line up in the same direction and therefore do not look at the same object at the same time), I knew she had hydrocephalus, I knew she had a seizure at birth, I knew she had occipital meningocele.  I knew she hadn't smiled, talked, eaten whole foods, crawled or walked, and I knew she was not fond of bathing, dressing, and being in her crib.  I knew she didn't really play much with other children and I knew she liked to get attention from adults.  I knew that for 2 1/2 years of her life, she lived in a crib.  Her body became emaciated, and her muscles became stiff.  She never knew what the sun looked like, and she never felt loving hands holding her.  She was never given the opportunity to explore, to learn and grow as a baby should.  She learned to be silent because no one would hear her cries.  What I knew about her was words on paper.  One dimensional. 

I really didn't know what to think as I contemplated visiting her.  I expected a child that couldn't communicate, couldn't understand anything, couldn't move, and didn't have much emotion.  

I was beyond wrong.  This child is like the brightest star you see in the sky at night.  She shines so brightly despite the dark days she had.  From the moment she was brought into the room we were in, my heart was captured.  She responded to her name, most of the time with a huge smile.  She loved being held and allowed me to hold her right away.  (I expected her to not want me to touch her because I was a new person...but it did not matter to her.  It almost felt like she knew who I was somehow.) 

 I showered her face with kisses for the whole week.  I am sure she's never been kissed that many times in her life.  

I held her as much as I possibly could and I would play  with the curls in her hair and gaze at the longest eyelashes you have ever seen.  I talked to her, I told her about her daddy and her brothers.  I let her listen to Stuart's voice and Kumaka's voice and she literally stopped in her tracks and listened intently.  After their voices stopped, her face lit up with the biggest smile.  I also put music on for her, and discovered that my girl LOVES music.  It makes her giggle.  Yes....she giggles even.  When she is really happy she coo's and when you copy her sounds she smiles as big as possible.  Although she struggles with eating, she loves food.  The orphanage mashes up regular food and then every day I would feed her while I was there.  The consistency was much like oatmeal with different veggies or meat in it.   I would have to push her tongue down with the spoon and then angle the food so it would go down her throat.  She definitely needs feeding therapy.  She doesn't look at one thing for very long, but there were times that a caught her taking a glimpse at me.  Those moments were life altering....and when she purposefully put her arm on mine and rubbed my arm back and forth I knew that she knew somehow that we belong together.  

By the end of the week, as I was holding her (and holding back my tears), she put her head down and gave my hand an open mouth kiss (the way babies kiss) and repeated that motion about five times.  She struggles to make her body do what she wants it to do, but those small moments when she is able to is like a victory to me.  When I put her on the blanket, she would move her body side to side, trying desperately to roll over.  She's not quite there, but once she's home, she will learn to roll all over the place.  

I miss holding her.  I miss the surprises I had each day, as I learned something new about her every time I visited her. 

 I miss kissing her sweet cheek, and watching her face light up with a smile.  I miss her hands, her sweet tiny hands.  I miss being around her...and feeling the strong spirit that she has despite her surroundings.  I miss her.  

Surprisingly, the final paperwork is moving along faster than expected.  We are awaiting a signature and a court date.   When we get our signature, court is usually a couple of weeks after that.  Once we go to court, and the judge rules that she is our daughter, we can go bring her home approximately five weeks later.  SOFI MIGHT COME HOME BY CHRISTMAS.  

There is a catch.  It's a small catch.  This is where I plead to all of you.  As you contemplate all you are thankful for, as you think of your family, your home, your parents, your children, all that you hold dear, think of Sofi.  Please, I beg of you, think of Sofi.  Remember all I've shared with you.  Know how very grateful we are as a family that you all have brought us to this point.  Know how amazed we are at the sheer number of people that are a part of this little girl's story.  Her story is huge.  She is here for a reason.  She is supposed to come to our family.  I did the math when I wrote my last blog post.  If each person who reads this donates $10.00, we would raise $3500.  That is over half of what we owe for our final fees.  THAT IS VITAL.  We cannot go to court without those fees being paid.  I am pleading with you all, know that as we tighten up our belts, consider donating what you can.  $5, $10, it all counts.  IT ALL MAKES A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HER COMING TO HER FAMILY OR STAYING THERE.  And as you consider her, know that you are a part of her story.  YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIFE OF AN ORPHAN.  Her life will be forever altered because of you.  This Thanksgiving I am grateful that this little girl touched my heart through a picture.  I am grateful to have so many family members, friends, and strangers help us bring her home.  I am grateful for family, for LOVE, for the desire we had to provide a family for an orphan.  As much as her life will change, our lives have changed more and she's not here yet.  We are the lucky ones, our hearts will never be the same.  

The big date

Dear life,

The date is here FINALLY!  We are going to visit Sofi in October.  We are leaving October 4th, visiting Sofi From Oct 7-11th, then going back to the capital for a day before leaving.  The week before my birthday I am going to have the best present ever....visiting our girl.

There are not enough words really to describe the range of emotions we have.

Excited.
Scared.
Happy.
Nervous.
Overwhelmed.


We have jumped through every paperwork hurdle imaginable. 
We have raised thousands of dollars to date.
We have waited....for what seemed like forever.
We have hurried...just to wait some more.
We have felt excited...we have felt fear.


Now...it's crunch time.
It's real.
It's happening.
In one month.

We have overcome the biggest hurdle to date.
Now we have to keep our eyes on the finish line.
There are only a few obstacles now.
They are pretty much only financial.

We need travel money for two trips and we need to raise the 4000 euros stat.
Once I come back from visiting Sofi, until that 4000 euros is paid in full, our court dates won't happen.

So the pressure is on.

We have so many different ways you can help.
And one reason why you should.

An orphan from birth.
Her mother was young, did not have the resources to care for her, and did the only thing she could do....give her up to the orphanage.
This girl has had no one.
Not one person to hug her, love her, care for her, even really know that she exists.
Until last year.
When we saw her.
And fell in love.

When you look at your kids today, coming home from school, give them a hug.
REALLY look at them.
Realize that they have been shaped by the family they have.
They are so blessed...they have you.
They are growing, thriving, learning, happy.

She is waiting.
For me.

We can't finish this without you.
I am literally begging you.
Please....choose one of our fundraisers...support it however you can.
SHARE SOFI'S STORY.

She needs to come home to her mommy and daddy.
She currently weighs 22 pounds. 
She is 4 1/2 years old.

Help us.
Please.
Here's how:

Threads of Hope bracelets:

In Puerta Galero in the Philippines, the families struggle to eat. Through these bracelets, made by the mothers and children in that village, the children no longer have to turn to prostitution to help feed their families. This fundraiser has two parts.... Helping those families and raising money to bring home an orphan. Our little Sofi. One bracelet is $2 and three is $5. For every bracelet sold, we raise one dollar for Sofi and one dollar to feed a family. Best two dollars you could spend today. So buy one.... For every family member. Share this post. Be the change today!
(Email me with your order and I will send you a paypal invoice. fivejensenboyz@gmail.com)

We would love to have more runners on our team "Steps to Sofi".

You can go HERE to join the team:http://www.crowdrise.com/stepstosofi/fundraiser/tracyjensen (the money here goes to our adoption agency Children's House International to pay the rest of the fees and is tax deductible)

You can also choose a runner and sponsor them there as well. 

You also have to go HERE http://runlongbeach.com/ to sign up for the race.  We are having people do half marathon as well as 5K.  

You don't have to actually run to be on the team!  You can virtually sign up for our team and raise money!

Here is a general fund donation page: This will help pay our travel fees and other general expenses.

  

There is an Adoption Auction on Facebook that you can check out HERE: 

There are three photographers....awesome angel tickets....scrapbooks....scentsy....Little Penelope Lane hair wraps and clips....Nailed It nail decals...and my personal favorite....my indentured family!!!  (My babysitting service...my husbands hard labor....and my two medium kids doing yard work)

We are doing a Squares for Sofi Fundraiser.  You donate $5 to participate.  You make a quilt square (hand sewn, fabric markers or puffy paint...or whatever you design) to be put together for a quilt for Sofi.  We would love to have all of our close friends and family be a part of this special love fundraiser. 

Plus Stuart thought of this one...so we have to give him props!

So.....there are so many ways. to help.  Pick one.  Pick them all.  Just please look inside your heart and bring home this girl.  One less orphan....

Dreams

Dear Life,

Let's talk about life.

More specifically, lets talk about dreams.

When we are little kids we dream....

where do we want to live when we grow up? (A castle...in the clouds...with a unicorn)
where do we want to go to college? (Somewhere far away...from my parents)
where do we want to work? (Somewhere I can be famous)
how many children will we have? (two)
what kind of vacations will we have? (Hawaii, Paris, England...all of the cool places)

What if you were a little girl who didn't know how to dream?
What if you were just grateful when you got moved from one room to another?
What if you didn't have parents?
Or siblings?
Anyone to hug you or kiss you or read you to sleep?
What then?
You wouldn't know what a castle in the clouds looks like, or even know about school, or work, or even fathom what a family looks like, and a vacation??? What's that?

There is such a girl....in a country across the world from us.
She has captured our heart....and made us dream for something beyond what we already have.
She taught us to work hard...to pray more...to have more strength...without even meeting us.
She taught us that the bonds of love are as strong as the bonds of blood.
She taught us to think outside of our world....our little neighborhood.....she taught us to see.

We have worked hard...for a year.
We've signed papers, notarized papers, apostilled papers, over and over and over again.
We've written check after check for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
We've had our fingerprints done three different times.
We've all had physicals.
We've had background checks completed.
We've had a homestudy done.
We've fundraised....a LOT.
$18000.
That's a LOT of money.
We are so close.

In September I get to FINALLY meet this girl of our dreams.
This four year old, dark haired, brown eyed girl.
The catalyst to our life changing story.
For one week my best friend and I will get to visit her every day for five days. 
And then...we have to return.
Empty handed.
We will have to fill out more paperwork.
Wait for it to be approved.
Have it translated.
Wait for court.
Wait for a pickup date.
5 more months. 
January if we are lucky.
Could be March.

For now...as we wait...we continue to raise money.
Travel money.
Court fees.
Agency fees.
Money.
I wish I didn't have to worry about money...I wish it didn't cost as much as it does...I wish I had the money myself.
But our love for her...our desire to provide this sweet girl with a family...with LOVE...with a chance to dream.....
That love propels us forward.

We are still collecting used clothing.
We have 151 puzzle pieces that need sponsoring ($5 each...and you can win 2 Tix to Disneyland or 2 day Tix for 2 to Legoland)
We have a few other opportunities coming down the road (one of which is a matching grant we are so excited about).

Please....consider your dreams.....your children's dreams....and consider helping us...create dreams for another special little girl.

Going on a Jet Plane

Dear Life,

I have been checking my email twenty times a day for months now.

Waiting.

There are many emails there...but never the one I want.

I continued to check.

Waiting.

I check first thing in the morning...and I check at midnight before I go to sleep.

Waiting.

Today was different.

I checked my email this morning.

And it was there.

The one.

The wait is over.

We have a referral.



What does that mean?

It means Sofi's country is saying yes.

You are okay people...

And you may come to visit her.

It means dates.

We will be picking dates in the next few days.

It means weeks.

In weeks we will be visiting her for the first time.



September

In September my friend and I are going to visit her for a week.

For five days I will get to hold her, play with her, talk to her, read to her, and take her for walks.

For five days I will get to gaze at her face and try to remember every nuance.

For five days my friend will take as many pictures as she can so I don't forget a moment.

For five days I will be in heaven.

And on the sixth day I will be torn in half again.

I will have to leave her.



For now, we are focusing on that moment we fly across the world...to meet this beautiful girl that spoke to our hearts through the computer screen.

We have come far.

We have eaten cupcakes.

We have eaten pizza.

We have sold raffle tickets for a hand made pendant.

We have sold owls.

We have counted shoes.

A lot of shoes.

We have collected clothing.

We have begged, pleaded, and cried...fundraising for this little girl.


You all have not left us stranded.

You all have helped us every step of the way.

We are asking for your help again.

We are needing to pay for this trip...the flight alone is $1000.

Stuart is staying home to help cut on the cost of our trip, and one of my dear friends is going instead.

We are saving our pennies.

But we can't do it without you.

Here are the ways you can help.



First and foremost you can pray....pray that she stays healthy...pray that we get funded...pray that we get there safely.

Second...if you are local you can donate used clothing, bedding, belts, purses, backpacks duffel bags, and curtains.

Third....you can sponsor puzzle pieces.  There are two...one is to win a Kindle Fire $3 each piece...and the other is for two 1 day Disneyland Park Hopper tickets for $5 each. (once those are all sold we can buy our plane tickets) Please use our YouCaring site for this and mention how many tickets and which kind.

Fourth...you can click on this link  http://www.igive.com/button/ and allow it to add on to your browser (it does not download anything on your computer.  When the iGive banner comes up in the right hand corner when you are shopping, simply click it...and we will get a small percentage of your purchase.  So simple!

Fifth...you can donate straight to Sofi's YouCaring account:







We've witnessed miracles already.

Read this post for a walk down miracle lane: A miracle in shoes
We know that Sofi is supposed to come here.

Please consider helping us see miracles again.

How Christmas has been changed for me

Dear Life,

Christmas has been changed forever for me.   Why you ask?  It's simple.  BS and AS.  (Don't worry...it's not as bad as it sounds)

Before Sofi

I LOVED to buy gifts for everyone....I loved to try to be that person that got the perfect gift and make people so happy. 
I LOVED to see the presents spilling out from under the tree far past the tree skirt.
I LOVED to GET gifts...there have been a few years recently that my husband and I did not exchange because we couldn't.  I HATED it.  It made me grumpy that I didn't have anything under the tree.  Like I was the kid or something.  

Then something happened.  I met Sofi.  (sort of)

After Sofi

I realized that this little girl belonged to our family and we would do whatever it would take to bring her here.
I realized that Christmas is not about what  material things you give, but who you spend your time with and how you spend that time.
I realized that eventually, my older boys will be gone, and memories made together  will last, whereas whatever toy or item they requested won't be remembered after a month.
I realized the importance of family, love, time, and memories.

And then I thought and pondered the story of the birth of Christ.  And found this question put out by President Monson: "In our day the spirit of giving gifts plays a large role in commemorating the Christmas season. I wonder if we might profit by asking ourselves, What gifts would the Lord have me give to Him or to others at this precious season of the year?"

This is the time to sacrifice, to see where I can help someone else, teach my kids to help others, and to work hard to bring our sweet Sofi home.  And in that, I know that our family will feel of the true meaning of Christmas.  Have I told you that no other family has requested information about Sofi before we came along?  I know I've told you that she is non verbal at the moment.  She is locked up in her own head.  I don't think that will always be the case.  But she needs to come home to get the proper medical treatment...and the love of  a family to support her and cheer her on. 

How can we help Sofi?  We have to raise our voices, share her story, and ask others to reach out and share what they can.  Some don't have money but are touched by Sofi's story.  Maybe those people have used shoes they can give us.  Maybe they live far away..and can't ship the shoes.  Just sharing Sofi's story, our journey, can help.  You never know who will be touched by our sweet girl.  Others can donate money....you can go to her YouCaring and give what you can.  You can send a check to Children's House International with Jensen Family Adoption in the notes.  You can also buy a raffle ticket to win a gorgeous diamond necklace created with Sofi's story in mind.   You can be her angel and help bring her home.

 Please contact me if you want to help us in any way.  We are praying for miracles.