We said yes

Dear Life,

I recently came across this quote....and it took my breath away.

“When you say YES to adoption, you are

 saying YES to enter the suffering of the 

orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING

 FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you,

 their suffering is worse than yours. We say 

YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to 

the maddening process, YES to the money,

 YES to hope, YES to the screaming 

frustration of it all, YES to going the distance 

through every unforeseen discouragement 

and delay. Do not imagine that something 

outside of “your perfect plan” means you 

heard God wrong. There is NO perfect 

adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We 

Americans invented the “show me a sign” or

 “this is a sign” or “this must mean God is 

closing a door” or “God must not be in this 

because it is hard,” but all that is garbage. 

You know what’s hard? Being an orphan.

 They need us to be champions and heroes 

for them, fighting like hell to get them home.

 So we will. We may cry and rage and scream 

and wail in the process, but get them home

 we will.”

–Jen Hatmaker


As I sit in my home, with my boys and my husband I am
humbled.  As difficult as this process is for us....it is a walk in
the park compared to daily living for Sofi.  As bereft as I feel knowing that she doesn't know me at all....she doesn't know of our love...and our fight....that feeling is nothing compared to ....well the nothing that Sofi feels every. single. day.   She has nothing to hope for...nothing to smile for....nothing to talk for.  She is existing.  It is heartbreaking to think of that.  My gut is twisted....and my heart is broken.  For all that we have done so far...it's not enough.  Right now it doesn't even matter.  Because she is still waking up without someone to hold her, someone to sing to her, someone to kiss her.  These emotions I will hold on to....because they give me the strength and the fortitude to continue this fight.  They give me enough fire to never stop this fight.  Once Sofi is here.....there will be more to do.  Until there are no more orphanages....there will be more to do.  

Right now we are waiting.  Waiting for Sofi's government to finish appointing officials.  We are praying that the people they choose will have a soft heart for these children.  That their plights can be eased somehow.  We pray for Sofi's health...and the health of all of the children there.  We pray for strength....to endure til the end.  

My arms ache to hold my daughter....my heart is heavy knowing she is alone....but my faith is strong.  
Sofi will come home...and we can and will continue this fight.