We said yes

Dear Life,

I recently came across this quote....and it took my breath away.

“When you say YES to adoption, you are

 saying YES to enter the suffering of the 

orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING

 FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you,

 their suffering is worse than yours. We say 

YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to 

the maddening process, YES to the money,

 YES to hope, YES to the screaming 

frustration of it all, YES to going the distance 

through every unforeseen discouragement 

and delay. Do not imagine that something 

outside of “your perfect plan” means you 

heard God wrong. There is NO perfect 

adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We 

Americans invented the “show me a sign” or

 “this is a sign” or “this must mean God is 

closing a door” or “God must not be in this 

because it is hard,” but all that is garbage. 

You know what’s hard? Being an orphan.

 They need us to be champions and heroes 

for them, fighting like hell to get them home.

 So we will. We may cry and rage and scream 

and wail in the process, but get them home

 we will.”

–Jen Hatmaker


As I sit in my home, with my boys and my husband I am
humbled.  As difficult as this process is for us....it is a walk in
the park compared to daily living for Sofi.  As bereft as I feel knowing that she doesn't know me at all....she doesn't know of our love...and our fight....that feeling is nothing compared to ....well the nothing that Sofi feels every. single. day.   She has nothing to hope for...nothing to smile for....nothing to talk for.  She is existing.  It is heartbreaking to think of that.  My gut is twisted....and my heart is broken.  For all that we have done so far...it's not enough.  Right now it doesn't even matter.  Because she is still waking up without someone to hold her, someone to sing to her, someone to kiss her.  These emotions I will hold on to....because they give me the strength and the fortitude to continue this fight.  They give me enough fire to never stop this fight.  Once Sofi is here.....there will be more to do.  Until there are no more orphanages....there will be more to do.  

Right now we are waiting.  Waiting for Sofi's government to finish appointing officials.  We are praying that the people they choose will have a soft heart for these children.  That their plights can be eased somehow.  We pray for Sofi's health...and the health of all of the children there.  We pray for strength....to endure til the end.  

My arms ache to hold my daughter....my heart is heavy knowing she is alone....but my faith is strong.  
Sofi will come home...and we can and will continue this fight. 

A True Disciple

Dear Life,



Church was amazing today.

Ah-maze-ing


The topic was "Becoming a True Disciple of Christ".  Elder 

Daniel L. Johnson spoke about this topic in the October 2012 

Conference.  

You can read it HERE.



Talk after talk spoke to me in different ways. 

I thought about Sofi.  

About our reasoning for adopting...and not only adopting but

 adopting a special needs child.

Because we all know that having five boys and one with Spina 

Bifida can be challenging.

I am definitely busy.

We already have a lot of obstacles and trials.


But on the flip side of that, we have witnessed miracles.  

We have been on the receiving end of so many wonderful 

blessings.

We went through the most difficult trial so far last year with 

Kumaka.

After a bilateral hip surgery, two leg breaks, and a repair of 

one side of the hip, Kumaka was in a cast longer than he was 

out of one.

We saw more time in a hospital last year than any other part 

of his life.

And through it all, he smiled.

He endured.

And although I personally thought it was the longest six 

weeks of my life to have him in a body cast,

In retrospect...that time was fleeting.

But the lessons learned are still burning in my heart.

Towards the end of last year, Stuart and I were talking and 

asking ourselves "what can we do to give back...after having 

received so much?"

Many people helped us last year, many people reached out to 

our family...whether it was a meal, a playdate, or a prayer, we 

were enveloped in love.

And we knew that somehow, we needed to give back.

We prayed.

We searched.

We realized the most perfect way we could serve the Lord, 

and be as Christlike as we knew how to be would be to adopt.

Although we are sometimes stretched thin, we know how to

 care for a child with Spina Bifida.  

And once we saw Sofi's sweet face, we knew we could never

 turn our back on her. 

A child with no hope, no family, no love. 

God has never once turned His back on us.

Now is not the time to turn our backs on His children.



"Becoming as the Savior is not an easy task, especially in the

 world in which we live. We face obstacles and adversity 

virtually every day of our lives. There is a reason for this,

 and it is one of the primary purposes ofmortality. As we 

read in Abraham 3:25, “And we will prove them herewith,to

 see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God 

shall command them.”  Elder Daniel L. Johnson



I also thought about my boys.

I thought about the many ways I could be a better 

mother...and a better wife.

I thought about the gift of repentance.  

And as one speaker said so wonderfully "repentance means 

repeating...doing it again but better"

Because of the sacrifice of our Savior, we have the 

opportunity to have a do-over.

What a gift.

Because I don't know about you, but I mess up.

A lot.

Love.

That is what being Christlike means to me.

It's what has always been important to me.

It's what I am always striving for.

I am in no way perfect.

I am continually having to repent...asking God for a do-over.

Boy am I glad to have that opportunity to talk to Him, and to

 turn to Him with a humble heart, and ask for forgiveness, 

and try again.



"I testify that as we obey His commandments, serve others,

 and submit ourwill to His will, we will, indeed, become His

 true disciples." Elder Daniel L. Johnson

Warrior Moms

Dear Life, 

My mom always said you can judge someone by the company they keep. 

When we took this picture in Long Beach today, I wonder what the bystanders thought as they walked past us. 

Most of them smiled, and slowed down to watch the spectacle (and trust me when I tell you it was something to see).

A few were a little impatient because there were wheelchairs and little people all around getting in the way.

A surprised man got a hug from an amazing young boy who loves everyone! (that was adorable Jet)

But did any of those people know what this group means to me?

5 warrior moms.

4 warrior children.

1 warrior angel.

2 warrior siblings.


(not pictured...warrior dads and other siblings)

This is a VERY small group of a larger whole.

We get each other.

We cry with each other.

We laugh with each other.

We ask questions.

We pray for each other.

We strengthen each other.

How blessed am I to have these women in my life?

How blessed are our children to have these amazing lifelong friends?

We share knowledge, love, acceptance, strength, and kindness.

Without these friendships, I'm not sure how I would fare on this path.

I'm glad I don't have to think about that.

What do you see?

Dear Life,

What do you see when you look at this picture?

Photo Credit: Joanna Penny

When you look at this picture, you don't see the other thing these two have in common.

SPINA BIFIDA

Why is that?  First and foremost, these two are little boys.  Boys that love to laugh, play, and be silly.  Boys that love superheroes, dirt, and grilled cheese sandwiches.  Boys that love knock knock jokes and their moms.  

I wish I could share this picture with every mom just finding out their unborn baby is going to be born with Spina Bifida.  I wish I could tell her that her baby will be ok.  That he is beautiful....that she has her mommy's eyes.  That her finger will grab onto yours and melt your heart.  

This is what Spina Bifida looks like.  

I'm proud of these two boys....and blessed to call one of them son.

Seems like

Dear Life,

Where did the year go?  

Seems like just yesterday I put my baby on the bus to go to Kindergarten.

Now he's off to summer camp and skating at skate parks. 

 

Seems like I just watched my tenth grader go off to his second year of high school.

And now he's sixteen, can date, and has a job!

Seems like we just went through a high school graduation.  

Now he's working, driving, and never around to take pictures of. 

(Seriously folks, this is all I can get now)

Seems like our fifth grader was just beginning his last year of elementary.

Now he's off to middle school....and already knows he wants to work with animals when he grows up.

Seems like our shy boy was just starting out his seventh grade year. 

Now he's off to basketball camp at Cal State Long Beach and running 5ks with his brother.

Seems like yesterday....and yet another school year has gone by.  

There has been some tremendous growth this year for my boys.

There has also been many challenges to face.

I am so very proud of them....

And blessed to be their mom. 

 

Time to enjoy the summer!